Told difficult child we would be taking computer at 10 tonight

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by StressedM0mma, Jan 16, 2012.

  1. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    And she is less than happy about it. She thought we were giving it back to her last night. husband explained that she was supposed to be off at 11 and she wasn't. And, until we could trust her to make good decisions we would be making the choice for her. She argued that she still got 8 hours of sleep since PHP didn't start until 9 today. I hate when they have a point, but we are sticking with it. I wouldn't mind her having it untill 11 but I do not stay up that late and do not want to wait up until then just to take it. Oh well, I will be bringing this up again in the family meeting tomorrow. I am not looking forward to this evening.
     
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Better to have pre-planned, than to spring it on her later...
     
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Holding out a good thought and ear plugs are on the way
     
  4. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    That is what I thought too. If I told her at 10 she would've lost it. At least now she knows it is coming and she can stew about it for 2 more hours!!
     
  5. jal

    jal Member

    Log in as the administrator and set the time frame that she can use the computer. It will log her off if the clock reaches the time she is not allowed on. My difficult child 9, loves the computer and although we have a computer tower in the play room we have never had problems with him being on when he is not supposed to (he goes to bed @ 8:30.) I set his hours. He can't access it from 8pm at night until 5pm during the school week meaning nothing after 8 at night and then he has access when we get home from school/work/Y afterschool program at 5pm under his log in. On weekends he has access from 8am until 9pm (9pm being bedtime on the weekends). Only once has he ever tried to access it after his time was done and asked my why he couldn't. I was afraid he might wake sometime at night while we were asleep and just go on unattended, thankfully he never has tried. Once he is asleep, he is done, but its a great piece of mind knowing I can time block him.

    For us it may last a little while longer as he is pretty computer savvy.

    By setting the time frame for usage you don't have to wait up to take it:)
     
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    More than that, she knows if she's going to get screen time in, she has to get cracking... it gives her a chance to make "good use" of the time. Which is fair.
     
  7. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Stressed, who cares if she has a point. That was a rarity. PHP doesn't always start at 9 and when she goes back to school, they don't wait to start at 9 so she needs to be on a schedule that can cross over to school without major sleep problems. You are just setting a routine, not to mention....you're the parent and you make the rules and privileges have to be earned. Ask me how I got MY kids to realize that.....it worked and I have threatened to do it again which keeps them *mostly* in line in that regard.
     
  8. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    By letting her know two hours before you and husband were going to take the computer away you gave her time to prepare herself for it. You're right that if you waited until 10 to take it she would have flipped out. She knows it's coming and, hopefully, she will use her time wisely until then. And the fact that she has a good point? Throw that right out the window. You're the parent. Your castle. Your rules.

    Pam
     
  9. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Well, that didn't go well. I went in at 10:30 because I offered her an extra half an hour. I again had to pry it out of her hands. This time instead of screaming and being disruptive she tried to run. It was 11:30 and pouring down rain. And easy child was actually asleep, or good at faking it. husband kept her in the house. (At this point I didn't care. I am sick of the tantrums.) And the I'm not tired girl fell asleep in the chair by the door. She flat out told us she refuses to change the sleep habits. That she has no desire to. She sees nothing wrong with what she is doing. I am so drained. I just hope that easy child managed to sleep. Can I just scream IHATE MY LIFE RIGHT NOW!!!
     
  10. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    She needs to understand that if she has no desire to change her habits she is never going to get better. And that it's your house and it' your rules. Period. End of sentance. If she is unhappy about that when she is 18 she can move out and keep whatever hours she wants. Until then, she does as you say.

    I know, eaiser said than done. I hope it gets better.
     
  11. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    That is what we explained to her. husband and I discussed, and if she tries to run again, we are not stopping her. This is exam week for easy child, and we were trying for her sake to keep it on an even keel for her. But, I am refusing to live my life like this. She is not going to hold the rest of us hostage. I do find it funny that she seems to think that she would have it better in someone else's house. Or foster care.
     
  12. buddy

    buddy New Member

    So she threatened you when you told her? She said she was going to run away etc. Wow, I did that when I was about 7. She is really giving clues to how old she is emotionally, she really does need your structure and support.... thanks difficult child, you just helped solidify to your mom and dad what they need to do for you. LOL
     
  13. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Exactly buddy. husband and I were just talking on Sunday how much more immature she seems than other kids her age. She still likes to watch iCarly and shows like that. I do not know many H.S. freshman that want to see those shows. She is ready early this morning. I think she is tryign to say "see I CAN stay up late and still get ready on time." PITA!!!
     
  14. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Onyxx still thinks she's better off elsewhere. In a way I can't wait till she is 18 and on her own - and realizing how great she had it...
     
  15. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    I am a stickler about no electronics at bedtime. My kids really aren't interested much in the computer so that isn't the issue but they do have Itouch's and if they are using them before bed the must hand them over.

    Both kids go in spurts with using them but I know these games can become quite addictive and I don't want them to be overstimulated right before bed.

    I feel the same about cell phones. Kids are texting all night long and it is effecting their sleep.

    When my kids finally (as they put it, lol) get phones, they will hand them in before bed too !

    difficult child thinks because he purchased his Itouch with his own money, we shouldn't take it off him before bed ! HAHAHAHA !!!
     
  16. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    My difficult child says the same thing when he's in the middle of one of his rages. If he lived somewhere else the people who are raising him would be nicer, would love him, would give him his every heart's desire. What he does not get is the someone else would not put up with his crap like we do and that someone else would not have the "I love you no matter what" mentality and keep plugging away at getting him help and getting him mentally healthy.
     
  17. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    <Like> <Like> <LIKE> That is difficult child 1's most famous phrases!!!

    Stressed, can I ask why you said you'd take the computer at 10 but then gave her an extra half hour?
     
  18. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    When I told her I was going to take it at ten she actually talked about why she was upset about it. She didn't argue and whine. So, after her shower I told her that because she didn't fight me on it, and went and took her shower with out being nagged about it she could have an extra 30 minutes. I thought I was being nice by rewarding her good choices. That was a blow up of royal proportions. I seriously am considering just letting her do whatever the **** she wants until easy child has her auditions next week. She has to ace these to get into the Conservatory, and scholarships are based on it. I cannot have difficult child ruin PCs life over this. I was going to move easy child and I out of the house, but she needs to be here to practice and sleep in her own bed and study for exams. I am wondering if I should move difficult child out until this weekend at least. But, we have NO ONE we can stay with. (Not that I can blame them.) So I would have to get a hotel, and I don't want difficult child to think it is a holiday. UGH this is tearing our family apart at the seams.
     
  19. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I've had niceness backfire too. difficult child 1's concept of time is soooo different that ours. It also helps when I give him a countdown starting at 15 min with reminders every 5 mins. That makes getting off go much smoother. Have you tried that with difficult child?

    by the way, I sent you a PM.
     
  20. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Let her run. Call the cops - they won't make much noise.

    And FWIW, if you cannot set up the time limiter... Take it away at YOUR bedtime. If that's 6 PM, do so!!! It's your house.

    Also... If you let her do whatever she wants (and I have been there when husband and I were on different pages), she will continue to run all over you - and after auditions, it will be worse when you crack down.

    If difficult child was really upset about easy child leaving... Have easy child ask difficult child if she wants her to royally bomb her auditions. If she doesn't, then easy child will need difficult child's help in keeping the whole house calm so she can practice and practice... (Many of our difficult children love to "help"...) And if difficult child's calm, then everyone else is, too, Know what I mean??
     
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