Tomorrow is the day

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by jude-in-nj, Oct 8, 2015.

  1. jude-in-nj

    jude-in-nj Member

    After a couple of postponements tomorrow is the day my son will have his hearing for his 2 violations of probation on an original assault charge.
    He has been in jail for almost 2 1/2 months.
    I am pretty sure he will be sentenced to at least a year (as told to us by public defender) but son is trying to convince himself he will come home tomorrow.
    I feel many different emotions... I don't want him in jail, I think he needs mental help.. And am scared if he comes home he will go back to the girlfriend and the cycle will once again begin.
    So on the one hand I want him home... On the other hand I'm dreading if he does.
    In the meantime girlfriend is with a new guy (I've seen pics on facebook and ran into them together at the store) but she is telling my son she loves him and wants to be with him. I have texted her and begged her to be honest with him... That I don't care if she is with someone else but to please let him go. (which would be best for all)
    She told me to mind my own ****** business and stop getting involved.
    I probably will not sleep tonight.. Ughhh.
    Last night on the phone he was talking about suicide... Not the first he's threatened that. I do think alot of that is emotional blackmail... But I always wonder... What if... So I worry and stress until I hear from him again.
    Thanks for letting me vent. There are not many people in my life that know what I'm going through so I appreciate this forum and the people in it so much!
  2. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry. I wish I had advice, but so much of this is out of your control. Please let us know how court goes. KSM
  3. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    We are with you in spirit, JNJ

    Let us know how it goes.

  4. jude-in-nj

    jude-in-nj Member

    Postponed again..... So frustrating. Now I understand why people end up staying in County jails for months on end and the reason why it's overcrowded! The system works dreadfully slow...
  5. Tired and Hopeful

    Tired and Hopeful New Member

    It seems to me that all the systems work slowly; judicial; medical, educational, whatever. Nobody ever feels a sense of urgency but us. I am with you in spirit while you wait some sort of resolution. It is just better when it is over, no matter how it turns out.
  6. Sherril2000

    Sherril2000 Active Member

    I'm so sorry you're going through this. My son has been in and out of juvenile detention and jail frequently over the past 3 years. When he was younger, he often threatened suicide and it scared me so much. But, like you, I believe it was just emotional blackmail. Please try not to worry, and use this time while he's locked up to take care of yourself. I understand how you feel, you hate that he's locked up but are afraid the cycle will just repeat itself if he does come home. I hope you have a support person to go to court with you. I know how hard it is to sit there and listen to all the things the prosecutor will say about your child. Hang in there, and hold your head up. None of this is your fault, and don't let anyone try to tell you it is. I'll be praying for you and your son. Hugs!
  7. jude-in-nj

    jude-in-nj Member

    Thank you so much.. My husband is my support system....but he is at his wits end with our son. We spoke to him last night and it was a terrible conversation.. Blaming us etc etc. My husband was so angry.. Hung up on him.. Told him not to call anymore. I blocked the # so if he does call it won't go through. . I'll probably unblock in a few days but we need a mental break from him for a little while
    ... Sounds horrible but we are under so much stress and then to be blamed for his mistakes. Arrrghhhh!! It is not fair to us or our other 3 sons. Thank you all again!
  8. Sherril2000

    Sherril2000 Active Member

    Things will hopefully improve with him. I don't know how old he is, but my son is 19 and I've finally heard him take responsibility for his actions. Before this, he would always blame everything on his dad. It takes a while for boys to mature, and even 14 months of juvenile detention didn't teach my son to straighten up. Now he is faced with 3-12 years, & I'm beginning to see him take ownership of his actions. In my opinion, you and your husband are doing exactly the right thing. Blocking his calls will give you a break, and will let him know you're not going to tolerate him blaming you for his problems. I agree, it's totally unfair! I will continue to pray for you and your family. God and the support of my family and those on this site are the only things that have gotten me through this!
  9. jude-in-nj

    jude-in-nj Member

    Thank you Sherril! I am so glad I found this forum.. I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. My son is facing 3-15. It is heartbreaking to know that they may spend the best years of their life in jail.. While their friends get married etc.
    My son will be 24 in Dec.
  10. Sherril2000

    Sherril2000 Active Member

    It is heartbreaking, but I try to praise God my son is alive. Some of the things he was involved in ( he robbed a drug dealer) could have easily gotten him killed. He got involved with "friends" who were always in trouble, and he let them influence so much of what he did. He had so many chances given to him to improve as a juvenile, and even after he turned 18. I'm praying being faced with all this time will help him turn around, and I'm praying for the same for your son. Like I said, take care of yourself and don't blame yourself for any of this. You can only be supportive to a point, and the rest is up to him.