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Tomorrow my son turns 21
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 684171" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Lil, let us know how the dinner went. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You're not being stupid. You are grieving the situation. It's so hard to have to sit and agonize about our DCs birthday presents, for goodness sake. I have done it so many times.</p><p></p><p>Right now, Difficult Child is making tremendous progress. He is living in a trailer and wanting to move to an apartment, but doesn't have the money for deposits, first month's rent, etc.</p><p></p><p>He doesn't have internet. Costs too much. </p><p></p><p>He doesn't have a computer. girlfriend broke it the last time she blew up and went to jail. </p><p></p><p>He doesn't have a TV. girlfriend broke that too, that same night. </p><p></p><p>So....I could provide all of that in a heartbeat. Sometimes I just want to go and buy him a computer sooooooo badly. I start telling myself that he would love it, could watch TV on it, etc, etc, etc. I can really start rationalizing things.</p><p></p><p>I resist, and sometimes it takes all I have to resist. I have to figuratively slap myself in the face.</p><p></p><p>This is the whole point. The journey is the whole point (I say as I'm slapping myself). </p><p></p><p>If he doesn't have skin in the game, the game becomes meaningless. </p><p></p><p>If he doesn't do the work, the end result isn't worth anything to him. </p><p></p><p>If I keep on doing it for him, he never gets the chance to grow up.</p><p></p><p>I would love to give him so many things and I could do it easily...but it's not good for him.</p><p></p><p>Haven't I learned that the hardest, most painful way possible? </p><p></p><p>Then why do I still over focus on this? </p><p></p><p>We are natural givers to people we love. We want them to have it all. We want to provide. </p><p></p><p>These are good, human emotions. However, in the case of DCs, this just doesn't help. It hurts.</p><p></p><p>I so understand your struggle to limit yourself. We keep thinking...this one thing would really change his situation. </p><p></p><p>Resisting our own natural feelings is so very hard.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there Lil! You have made tremendous progress in the last year. Your son has made a lot of progress. I can see it, even if it doesn't feel that way to you right now.</p><p></p><p>The fire is a setback. He is learning something here. I am praying it provides a new foundation for him on his next steps. </p><p></p><p>Hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 684171, member: 17542"] Lil, let us know how the dinner went. You're not being stupid. You are grieving the situation. It's so hard to have to sit and agonize about our DCs birthday presents, for goodness sake. I have done it so many times. Right now, Difficult Child is making tremendous progress. He is living in a trailer and wanting to move to an apartment, but doesn't have the money for deposits, first month's rent, etc. He doesn't have internet. Costs too much. He doesn't have a computer. girlfriend broke it the last time she blew up and went to jail. He doesn't have a TV. girlfriend broke that too, that same night. So....I could provide all of that in a heartbeat. Sometimes I just want to go and buy him a computer sooooooo badly. I start telling myself that he would love it, could watch TV on it, etc, etc, etc. I can really start rationalizing things. I resist, and sometimes it takes all I have to resist. I have to figuratively slap myself in the face. This is the whole point. The journey is the whole point (I say as I'm slapping myself). If he doesn't have skin in the game, the game becomes meaningless. If he doesn't do the work, the end result isn't worth anything to him. If I keep on doing it for him, he never gets the chance to grow up. I would love to give him so many things and I could do it easily...but it's not good for him. Haven't I learned that the hardest, most painful way possible? Then why do I still over focus on this? We are natural givers to people we love. We want them to have it all. We want to provide. These are good, human emotions. However, in the case of DCs, this just doesn't help. It hurts. I so understand your struggle to limit yourself. We keep thinking...this one thing would really change his situation. Resisting our own natural feelings is so very hard. Hang in there Lil! You have made tremendous progress in the last year. Your son has made a lot of progress. I can see it, even if it doesn't feel that way to you right now. The fire is a setback. He is learning something here. I am praying it provides a new foundation for him on his next steps. Hugs. [/QUOTE]
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