Too Much difficult child--No Patience left for typical teen Issues

[DaisyFace]

I am just so tired of being "on duty" all the time....

husband and I are on constant alert to protect difficult child from her own stupidity. We purchased WebWatcher software to monitor her online activity. We search her room and her bookbag to keep tabs on her activity.

It is evident that she is continuing to engage in "activities" with boys during school. We have no idea whether she is actually going 'all the way' with all of them or just a select few. We don't even know if we really want to know...and frankly, we are tired and stressed out and we are TIRED of being tired and stressed out.

Today, I was in my office when difficult child got home from school. I hear her come in the door....CLOMP....CLOMP....CLOMP....CLOMP.

???

difficult child, is that you? Uh-huh

CLOMP.....CLOMP....CLOMP

Why are you stomping around like that?

And then I see her...It seems that she has borrowed a friend's fashion boots. They didn't fit and difficult child was having trouble even walking in the five inch heels.

Aren't they great? Aren't they cute? CLOMP....CLOMP....CLOMP

Now I realize this is pretty typical teen--but I just don't have the patience any more. I wanted to yell and scream "Sure, you can borrow somebody's shoes--but how about borrowing somebody's Math notes??? Maybe it would be great to bring home some homework instead of other people's clothes??? Maybe it would be cute to pay attention to your own future instead of what might attract the next guy????"

But I didn't...

I didn't say a word. What would have made any difference anyway?

--sigh--

--DaisyFace

 

[Farmwife]

I know how frightening the teen years can be. Just wanted to give you some insight from my own experiences when I was a similar aged young lady.

I was "cutting" in junior high but only because I saw a popular girl do it. I may very well have been depressed. Had a bad home life, later as an adult diagnosed with bipolar. Just as a history for comparison I did have my share of behaviors. I wasn't an easy kid.

I was sexually active a few days after I turned 15 so it is not uncommon at your daughters age group. I did get drunk a couple times in high school, experimented with a couple seemingly benign things. It never amounted to much was just exploring. I may have been considered promiscuous by parental standards but was pretty much average by teen standards. I also made ditching an artform since a cool girl I knew showed me how. I had been so sheltered that I got out of control from the feeling of freedom and choice.

Yes, teens do have sex, teens do party and teens do things they probably shouldn't. Todays teens have a lot more media pressure and messages than I did. The drugs are scarier.

Flash forward 20 years. I had more fallout in my life from my diagnosis than any teen choices left me with. Grant it I made bad choices that stuck with me like marrying my high school sweetheart and not going to college. For the most part though that was just a part of growing up. I survived, my parents did but divorced later. I'm as well adjusted and stable as a bi polar person can be. I got my life in order and am for the most part happy with the exception of difficult child issues.

My difficult child is a real pain sometimes but my strategy with him is open, frank and honest conversations. I tell him *gasp* the real truth about my experiences. Then rather than simply say "don't do that" I can say "I did do that, it was fun at the time but let me explain why it ended up being a bad idea". He is very open with me about things his friends are doing. Let me assure you that todays teens are doing things that frighten the heck out of me.

My parents made the mistake of having me fear their authority because I was always in trouble. I hid everything I did and never sought their counsel. They were strict and it drove me to act out more than kids who had easy parents. With the lack of reasonable choices I snuck bad ones.

As soon as difficult child starts socializing we will provide him with condoms and no questions asked rides should a friend with a car end up not sober. I told him that I know he is going to do what he wants and just asked him to be careful and not to $%^^& up too bad. He knows he can come to me without fear if he gets himself into a sticky situation.

That's all any parent can hope for.

 

[Wiped Out]

Hugs.

 

[DaisyFace]

Thanks for the reassurances...sometimes I just need to vent to folks that understand.

Interestingly...I posted here and didn't say a word about it at home...

But when husband got home, he took one look at his daughter in those ill-fitting boots and commented that she was going to break her neck trying to walk in those things and she should probably just take them off since they made her look like a hussy anyway...

And then he tried to have a talk with her about focusing more on school than on fashion.

What a guy!

--DaisyFace