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Too much expectations of school?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 390278" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>On the surface, there is nothing else she can do, if he has not IEP and no diagnosis. That needs to be your next step - YOU call for help and say, "He is failing. We need to assess for any possible underlying condition which could explain this, so appropriate treatment could turn this around."</p><p></p><p>If a kid already has a diagnosis of something that explains the poor results, or if the child has a known problem approaching people to ask for help, or has other issues that mean he/she cannot perform socially to age equivalent, THEN you can go to the school counsellor and say, "I know at his age he should be able to do X. But he cannot, because of [give diagnosis]. We need to ignore his age and give him the extra support in order to help him overcome his disability."</p><p></p><p>We had this attitude from difficult child 1's school - difficult child 1 had a diagnosis of Asperger's plus ADHD and clearly needed a lot of supports in place. At 16 he still needed a lot of reminders, a lot of teachers actually watching to make sure he put his papers and books in the right place; he needed reminders to go take his medications. He needed his hand help. And the staff resented this, said (in the meeting), "Why are we doing this for a student who by next year should be able to live independently in the community? If we coddle him now, he will never learn to look after himself! He will not be able to cope when he leaves school!"</p><p></p><p>We had to say to the staff, "We know he shouldn't need this help at his age. But in his case, he does need this help. Withdrawing the help will not, in this case, help him learn. It will be like taking away the life jacket from a non-swimming toddler. He will get there, but is a long way from ready, despite his age. He needs your support, he needs this level of supervision, because DUE TO HIS DISABILITY he cannot YET do these things for himself. He will get there, but we do already know he will not be able to look after himself when he finishes school. No, he is not retarded, we know he is intelligent. But in some areas, he needs the same level of support, as someone with serious intellectual handicaps."</p><p></p><p>We had to be very blunt. I also had to grit my teeth and thank the staff for their honesty in sharing their opinions. But it also gave me the freedom to be honest in return.</p><p></p><p>Without assessment of difficult child first, however, followed by sharing the diagnosis with school staff, we would have got absolutely nowhere in requests for support. Even afterwards it was a huge struggle. But once we had a diagnosis we could point to, we had "something to hang your hat on".</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 390278, member: 1991"] On the surface, there is nothing else she can do, if he has not IEP and no diagnosis. That needs to be your next step - YOU call for help and say, "He is failing. We need to assess for any possible underlying condition which could explain this, so appropriate treatment could turn this around." If a kid already has a diagnosis of something that explains the poor results, or if the child has a known problem approaching people to ask for help, or has other issues that mean he/she cannot perform socially to age equivalent, THEN you can go to the school counsellor and say, "I know at his age he should be able to do X. But he cannot, because of [give diagnosis]. We need to ignore his age and give him the extra support in order to help him overcome his disability." We had this attitude from difficult child 1's school - difficult child 1 had a diagnosis of Asperger's plus ADHD and clearly needed a lot of supports in place. At 16 he still needed a lot of reminders, a lot of teachers actually watching to make sure he put his papers and books in the right place; he needed reminders to go take his medications. He needed his hand help. And the staff resented this, said (in the meeting), "Why are we doing this for a student who by next year should be able to live independently in the community? If we coddle him now, he will never learn to look after himself! He will not be able to cope when he leaves school!" We had to say to the staff, "We know he shouldn't need this help at his age. But in his case, he does need this help. Withdrawing the help will not, in this case, help him learn. It will be like taking away the life jacket from a non-swimming toddler. He will get there, but is a long way from ready, despite his age. He needs your support, he needs this level of supervision, because DUE TO HIS DISABILITY he cannot YET do these things for himself. He will get there, but we do already know he will not be able to look after himself when he finishes school. No, he is not retarded, we know he is intelligent. But in some areas, he needs the same level of support, as someone with serious intellectual handicaps." We had to be very blunt. I also had to grit my teeth and thank the staff for their honesty in sharing their opinions. But it also gave me the freedom to be honest in return. Without assessment of difficult child first, however, followed by sharing the diagnosis with school staff, we would have got absolutely nowhere in requests for support. Even afterwards it was a huge struggle. But once we had a diagnosis we could point to, we had "something to hang your hat on". Marg [/QUOTE]
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