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Too much weirdness
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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 190381" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>I think you probably are very close to the truth there. My husband let me make all the "bad guy" decisions about M his entire life. When I finally made him leave, after he sucker punched husband when husband finally stood up to him in one of M's rages, we agreed that husband would deal with all issues from then on out. It took me several months to stop sticking my nose into M's business. husband and I went into our own therapy. I finally gave in and stopped trying to control anything. husband didn't change much. He made a grand start of things that lasted about a week or two. But it didn't change anything for M, and I wasn't going to go back to trying to fix it. M didn't have a job or a penny. Somehow he got by. He <em>always</em> had a computer and a playstation for some reason. Those were his biggest addictions, although there was the usual pot smoking and drinking you get with slackers.</p><p></p><p>Fast forward 5 years since we've had any control whatsoever, and M has a decent job, has a room in a rental house with some other kids that he pays for, but hopes to get a new place when he gets a couple of paychecks under his belt, and he seems happy - er. For M. </p><p></p><p>In the long run, I don't think anyone faults me for being the one to draw the line. We all knew it needed to be done and no one else was going to do it. I don't fault husband for not stepping up. M was just four months past his 16th birthday, so decisions had to be made for a while. But eventually we let the world take care of poor, abused, neglected M. They all figured it out too.</p><p></p><p>If this is something your husband can't do, I think you need to tell him that you <em>can</em>. I suspect that you are talking about his background as being Asian or Persian, but if you are not I know both of those backgrounds very well and they do keep their young people home until marriage. I suspect your husband knows the right thing to do, he just hasn't seen it up close in practice before. There's no lesson like a hands on lesson. Time for everyone to give up that old way of life. They <em>do</em> still run families that way in Korea and Japan and Egypt, but not with a kid who is acting like yours. They kick them out just the same way we do here. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 190381, member: 99"] I think you probably are very close to the truth there. My husband let me make all the "bad guy" decisions about M his entire life. When I finally made him leave, after he sucker punched husband when husband finally stood up to him in one of M's rages, we agreed that husband would deal with all issues from then on out. It took me several months to stop sticking my nose into M's business. husband and I went into our own therapy. I finally gave in and stopped trying to control anything. husband didn't change much. He made a grand start of things that lasted about a week or two. But it didn't change anything for M, and I wasn't going to go back to trying to fix it. M didn't have a job or a penny. Somehow he got by. He [i]always[/i] had a computer and a playstation for some reason. Those were his biggest addictions, although there was the usual pot smoking and drinking you get with slackers. Fast forward 5 years since we've had any control whatsoever, and M has a decent job, has a room in a rental house with some other kids that he pays for, but hopes to get a new place when he gets a couple of paychecks under his belt, and he seems happy - er. For M. In the long run, I don't think anyone faults me for being the one to draw the line. We all knew it needed to be done and no one else was going to do it. I don't fault husband for not stepping up. M was just four months past his 16th birthday, so decisions had to be made for a while. But eventually we let the world take care of poor, abused, neglected M. They all figured it out too. If this is something your husband can't do, I think you need to tell him that you [i]can[/i]. I suspect that you are talking about his background as being Asian or Persian, but if you are not I know both of those backgrounds very well and they do keep their young people home until marriage. I suspect your husband knows the right thing to do, he just hasn't seen it up close in practice before. There's no lesson like a hands on lesson. Time for everyone to give up that old way of life. They [i]do[/i] still run families that way in Korea and Japan and Egypt, but not with a kid who is acting like yours. They kick them out just the same way we do here. ;) [/QUOTE]
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