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<blockquote data-quote="Josie" data-source="post: 228406" data-attributes="member: 1792"><p>You are 6 years ahead of me on this one. I didn't really realize this until difficult child 1 was almost 13! In her case, I do feel she has the means to be in control now and is choosing not to do what she needs to do. (If she follows her special diet, she is a easy child. If she does not, she is somewhat out of control.)</p><p> </p><p>Back in the day, when she was out of control all of the time, I am not sure I would have been able to set firmer limits. I think the only thing you can do is try to push her a little farther. I think taking back some of your own power will be the easiest. For example, say "we are having chicken for dinner" or "I am getting these ornaments" and maybe let her pick out one, if you can.</p><p> </p><p>Full disclosure: difficult child 1 still doesn't eat what I make for dinner if it is something besides rice and plain meat. At least now, she can microwave her own hamburger.</p><p> </p><p>I have an idea for getting her to play alone. I use this on difficult child 2 to get her to go to sleep on her own. You could tell Tink that she needs to play on her own and you will check back on her every few minutes. At first, I check every minute or two, but then I am able to stretch it out until she doesn't need it any more. So maybe Tink could play quietly or read by herself for a short time (even 5 minutes?), then you play or read with her. The time doesn't start unless she is not bothering you. I wouldn't tell her the amount of time so she doesn't just watch the clock and prevent you from increasing the time in the future. I give a reward for doing it. Eventually, it is just a habit for difficult child 2. I have had to return to this method a couple of times over the years but it has always worked.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Josie, post: 228406, member: 1792"] You are 6 years ahead of me on this one. I didn't really realize this until difficult child 1 was almost 13! In her case, I do feel she has the means to be in control now and is choosing not to do what she needs to do. (If she follows her special diet, she is a easy child. If she does not, she is somewhat out of control.) Back in the day, when she was out of control all of the time, I am not sure I would have been able to set firmer limits. I think the only thing you can do is try to push her a little farther. I think taking back some of your own power will be the easiest. For example, say "we are having chicken for dinner" or "I am getting these ornaments" and maybe let her pick out one, if you can. Full disclosure: difficult child 1 still doesn't eat what I make for dinner if it is something besides rice and plain meat. At least now, she can microwave her own hamburger. I have an idea for getting her to play alone. I use this on difficult child 2 to get her to go to sleep on her own. You could tell Tink that she needs to play on her own and you will check back on her every few minutes. At first, I check every minute or two, but then I am able to stretch it out until she doesn't need it any more. So maybe Tink could play quietly or read by herself for a short time (even 5 minutes?), then you play or read with her. The time doesn't start unless she is not bothering you. I wouldn't tell her the amount of time so she doesn't just watch the clock and prevent you from increasing the time in the future. I give a reward for doing it. Eventually, it is just a habit for difficult child 2. I have had to return to this method a couple of times over the years but it has always worked. [/QUOTE]
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