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<blockquote data-quote="katya02" data-source="post: 228467" data-attributes="member: 2884"><p>BBK and all, Happy New Year! I had to throw out my TEC and try things like The Manipulative Child and Before It's Too Late. The latter book shocked me; it seemed to have been written about my child. It's a rather dramatic title but the book, although it talks straight about kid behaviors, has very practical suggestions for parents in Part Two. It points out that denial, taking the easy way out, not requiring accountability, and other things are common and understandable parental reactions to difficult child behaviors, but that they multiply trouble for later.</p><p></p><p>I was completely, 24/7 available for my kids not just during infancy but all through their childhoods; I didn't get babysitters early on, and later my difficult child had such serious behavior problems that it wasn't possible to have a babysitter. I parented my first two babies a la Penelope Leach (popular baby author in the '80s) - constant availability, child-centered feeding, sleep, activity, you name it. My first two babies never slept, never ate reliably, were hard to entertain and hated having to play by themselves ... I was totally exhausted. By baby #3 I said to h with it and put him on a feeding and nap schedule, expected him to sleep through the night by 6 weeks, and didn't - well, couldn't - spend every moment with him. He had to play and amuse himself because I had two other children and a house to run. And you know, he breastfed wonderfully, ate everything in sight, slept through at 5 weeks, and was a very happy baby! Of course every personality is different but - I did this with baby #4 and she was the same as #3. Different parenting for each pair, and very different results. </p><p></p><p>I think it's good for babies and children to understand that they must fit into the adult world; that Mom has many things to do and can't, won't, be with them every moment; that they must adapt and fit into the family's schedule. If I had any more babies to raise I'd for sure put them on schedules like #3 and 4 were, and if they showed the tendencies of my difficult child I'd handle those differently too. It doesn't mean the difficult child tendencies would magically disappear; just that I wouldn't accept so much of what I did before, and I'd require accountability. Hindsight is 20/20.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="katya02, post: 228467, member: 2884"] BBK and all, Happy New Year! I had to throw out my TEC and try things like The Manipulative Child and Before It's Too Late. The latter book shocked me; it seemed to have been written about my child. It's a rather dramatic title but the book, although it talks straight about kid behaviors, has very practical suggestions for parents in Part Two. It points out that denial, taking the easy way out, not requiring accountability, and other things are common and understandable parental reactions to difficult child behaviors, but that they multiply trouble for later. I was completely, 24/7 available for my kids not just during infancy but all through their childhoods; I didn't get babysitters early on, and later my difficult child had such serious behavior problems that it wasn't possible to have a babysitter. I parented my first two babies a la Penelope Leach (popular baby author in the '80s) - constant availability, child-centered feeding, sleep, activity, you name it. My first two babies never slept, never ate reliably, were hard to entertain and hated having to play by themselves ... I was totally exhausted. By baby #3 I said to h with it and put him on a feeding and nap schedule, expected him to sleep through the night by 6 weeks, and didn't - well, couldn't - spend every moment with him. He had to play and amuse himself because I had two other children and a house to run. And you know, he breastfed wonderfully, ate everything in sight, slept through at 5 weeks, and was a very happy baby! Of course every personality is different but - I did this with baby #4 and she was the same as #3. Different parenting for each pair, and very different results. I think it's good for babies and children to understand that they must fit into the adult world; that Mom has many things to do and can't, won't, be with them every moment; that they must adapt and fit into the family's schedule. If I had any more babies to raise I'd for sure put them on schedules like #3 and 4 were, and if they showed the tendencies of my difficult child I'd handle those differently too. It doesn't mean the difficult child tendencies would magically disappear; just that I wouldn't accept so much of what I did before, and I'd require accountability. Hindsight is 20/20. [/QUOTE]
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