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<blockquote data-quote="donna723" data-source="post: 228488" data-attributes="member: 1883"><p>TM said what I was going to say, only better. I tend to say what I mean bluntly sometimes so please don't be offended.</p><p> </p><p>You don't have to be a dictator, but on some things I think you should be TELLING her and not ASKING her! When you give her a choice in everything and give her the power to veto everything she doesn't want to do, you're allowing her to run the show. By asking her opinions and letting her have a vote in everything, and then going along with what <em>she</em> wants to avoid meltdowns, you've given her way too much power. She's playing you like a fiddle hon, and she knows it! I can see how it would be easy to fall in to that situation since you're together all the time, but you need to set limits and make sure she knows that <em>you</em> are in charge and not <em>her</em>. </p><p> </p><p>Letting her chose once in a while is OK but dinner should be what YOU chose to fix, and not left up to her. Granted, I was a child back in the Stone Age, but I don't remember my mother ever once asking us what <em>we</em> wanted for dinner! She fixed what she wanted to fix and we were expected to eat it. If there was something we didn't like, we could fill up on the other things. If we chose not to eat it at all, fine! But there were no snacks allowed and we'd be pretty darn hungry by breakfast time! And showers should be non-negotiable. She takes a shower when you TELL her to take a shower! You're too close to the situation, but can you imagine maybe a teacher telling you that your child smells, and you telling her, "Well, she didn't want to shower so I didn't make her do it!" When my son was that age, it wasn't enough to just tell him to get in the shower ... I had to spell out every step, or he'd say, "Well, you didn't tell me to!" I'd have to say something like, "Go take get in the shower! Use soap and hot water and wash yourself all over - with a wash cloth! And wash your hair! With shampoo!" If I didn't spell it out like that, he'd stand in the shower just long enough to get wet, he'd get out, dry off, and be congratulating himself for putting one over on me!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="donna723, post: 228488, member: 1883"] TM said what I was going to say, only better. I tend to say what I mean bluntly sometimes so please don't be offended. You don't have to be a dictator, but on some things I think you should be TELLING her and not ASKING her! When you give her a choice in everything and give her the power to veto everything she doesn't want to do, you're allowing her to run the show. By asking her opinions and letting her have a vote in everything, and then going along with what [I]she[/I] wants to avoid meltdowns, you've given her way too much power. She's playing you like a fiddle hon, and she knows it! I can see how it would be easy to fall in to that situation since you're together all the time, but you need to set limits and make sure she knows that [I]you[/I] are in charge and not [I]her[/I]. Letting her chose once in a while is OK but dinner should be what YOU chose to fix, and not left up to her. Granted, I was a child back in the Stone Age, but I don't remember my mother ever once asking us what [I]we[/I] wanted for dinner! She fixed what she wanted to fix and we were expected to eat it. If there was something we didn't like, we could fill up on the other things. If we chose not to eat it at all, fine! But there were no snacks allowed and we'd be pretty darn hungry by breakfast time! And showers should be non-negotiable. She takes a shower when you TELL her to take a shower! You're too close to the situation, but can you imagine maybe a teacher telling you that your child smells, and you telling her, "Well, she didn't want to shower so I didn't make her do it!" When my son was that age, it wasn't enough to just tell him to get in the shower ... I had to spell out every step, or he'd say, "Well, you didn't tell me to!" I'd have to say something like, "Go take get in the shower! Use soap and hot water and wash yourself all over - with a wash cloth! And wash your hair! With shampoo!" If I didn't spell it out like that, he'd stand in the shower just long enough to get wet, he'd get out, dry off, and be congratulating himself for putting one over on me! [/QUOTE]
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