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took difficult child into town for first time. so hurt
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 385920" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I also live in a small town. In the past I've had bad things said about me too. But a couple of things I realised:</p><p></p><p>1) No person is 100% popular. There is always someone who doesn't like them. Similarly, there is always someone who doesn't like you. Conversely, that means there is always someone else out there who would happily be your friend, if they got the chance to get to know you.</p><p></p><p>2) the person who has gossiped about me and said bad things in the past - they also have people who don't like them. Therefore there are people out there, even in a small village, who will be suspicious of what is said and automatically distrust it. These people may not seek you out but they are there. </p><p></p><p>3) From my experience - it does pass. I maintained a dignified silence and found different circles in which to move. When the nastiness intruded into the circles in which I moved, I refused to engage it. Or when I had to, I confronted it head on calmly, politely but firmly. "Please tell me - is there something I have done personally to you? If there is, please discuss it with me. If there is not, I would like this opportunity to clear the air between us."</p><p></p><p>There are still gossips in this town. There is still one of my former stalkers in this town and if my profile gets high enough for whatever reason, he will possibly begin the attack again. Although he knows that given the slightest reason, I will begin legal proceedings. Last time I threatened that, he backed off. Without being unpleasant about it, I did make it clear that I am nobody's doormat and I WILL walk up to people and sort out problems, if I feel they are worth my time.</p><p></p><p>About moving - you said you have no ties anyway. If that really is the case for all of you, then a move shouldn't do any harm. As long as it is a move TO somewhere, and not merely AWAY. Never run away, it sends a bad message to both the bullies, and your children (who need to learn that running away is not the solution).</p><p></p><p>The best revenge of all is to outlive/outlast your enemies. Success. That is the best revenge of all.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry you had such an unpleasant experience. You may have seen more than there really was (in terms of your interpretation of people's responses). Or it may have been that bad - but you can teach yourself to not 'read' such unpleasant messages. It's like throwing away unwanted mail, unopened. it takes mental discipline but it is also very liberating. it also confuses the HECK out of your enemies!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 385920, member: 1991"] I also live in a small town. In the past I've had bad things said about me too. But a couple of things I realised: 1) No person is 100% popular. There is always someone who doesn't like them. Similarly, there is always someone who doesn't like you. Conversely, that means there is always someone else out there who would happily be your friend, if they got the chance to get to know you. 2) the person who has gossiped about me and said bad things in the past - they also have people who don't like them. Therefore there are people out there, even in a small village, who will be suspicious of what is said and automatically distrust it. These people may not seek you out but they are there. 3) From my experience - it does pass. I maintained a dignified silence and found different circles in which to move. When the nastiness intruded into the circles in which I moved, I refused to engage it. Or when I had to, I confronted it head on calmly, politely but firmly. "Please tell me - is there something I have done personally to you? If there is, please discuss it with me. If there is not, I would like this opportunity to clear the air between us." There are still gossips in this town. There is still one of my former stalkers in this town and if my profile gets high enough for whatever reason, he will possibly begin the attack again. Although he knows that given the slightest reason, I will begin legal proceedings. Last time I threatened that, he backed off. Without being unpleasant about it, I did make it clear that I am nobody's doormat and I WILL walk up to people and sort out problems, if I feel they are worth my time. About moving - you said you have no ties anyway. If that really is the case for all of you, then a move shouldn't do any harm. As long as it is a move TO somewhere, and not merely AWAY. Never run away, it sends a bad message to both the bullies, and your children (who need to learn that running away is not the solution). The best revenge of all is to outlive/outlast your enemies. Success. That is the best revenge of all. I'm sorry you had such an unpleasant experience. You may have seen more than there really was (in terms of your interpretation of people's responses). Or it may have been that bad - but you can teach yourself to not 'read' such unpleasant messages. It's like throwing away unwanted mail, unopened. it takes mental discipline but it is also very liberating. it also confuses the HECK out of your enemies! Marg [/QUOTE]
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took difficult child into town for first time. so hurt
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