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Took difficult child's car away for good
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 276165" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Try to not be upset by the disappointment of not seeing her get presented with her diploma. I know it is a much bigger thing for you over in the US, it's getting bigger over here in Australia, but the most important thing is earning that piece of paper.</p><p></p><p>I remember in my final year of high school, our grade was involved in some fairly standard hi-jinks (nothing inappropriate) and our reactionary principal threatened us with "you won't have your graduation ceremony" (what passed for it back then). We were very angry with him, we felt he didn't have the right to do this. But we accepted it because for us, the piece of paper was more important. So the principal upped the ante - he was threatening to withhold our diplomas (which he had no right to do).</p><p></p><p>But we were prepared to accept the "no graduation ceremony" if we had to, because it wasn't important to us. The qualification was much more important. And frankly, by that stage we were so thoroughly over the school and especially that principal.</p><p></p><p>End result - we got our graduation ceremony AND our class presentation. I tihnk someone made the principal see reason, plus he realised we were prepared to accept it and it called his bluff.</p><p></p><p>The thing is - what kids want and are content with, is not always what parents want. But this is now about HER life andewhat she is choosing. Some of her choices are wrong, but she has to live with the outcomes of those choices.</p><p></p><p>Think of it this way - she is sparingyou the expense of a gown, of the photos, of all the rip-off merchandising that goes on around graduation, that I think costs families far too much. Why not instead (if she behaves herself) have a family celebration dinner for her, or maybe a picnic somewhere, where you can dress up and go to dinner and she can have her photo taken with you all, in the restaurant, with her diploma?</p><p></p><p>My sister in law was an exchange student in the US for a year, she graduated with her US high school class. I remember the paperwork that surrounded it all (it was just after husband & I married) and I also remember the professional-looking photos that were posted back. She looked lovely - but to me, it didn't seem real, because for us it's not a "real" graduation - cap, gown, the whole bit - unless it's a university degree.</p><p></p><p>We did go to her uni graduation four years later and it seemed real to us, although it probably was much more low-key than her US high school graduation had been.</p><p></p><p>It's a matter of expectations - yours, or hers. And outcomes - yours, or hers.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there, try to help her keep it all in perspective. And nose to the grindstone. because after high school comes the big wide world, and - GET A JOB! Or get occupied productively in some capacity somewhere, even if it's as a volunteer. Or do a course.</p><p></p><p>Good luck with this one, she sounds like she needs a leash with a check chain.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 276165, member: 1991"] Try to not be upset by the disappointment of not seeing her get presented with her diploma. I know it is a much bigger thing for you over in the US, it's getting bigger over here in Australia, but the most important thing is earning that piece of paper. I remember in my final year of high school, our grade was involved in some fairly standard hi-jinks (nothing inappropriate) and our reactionary principal threatened us with "you won't have your graduation ceremony" (what passed for it back then). We were very angry with him, we felt he didn't have the right to do this. But we accepted it because for us, the piece of paper was more important. So the principal upped the ante - he was threatening to withhold our diplomas (which he had no right to do). But we were prepared to accept the "no graduation ceremony" if we had to, because it wasn't important to us. The qualification was much more important. And frankly, by that stage we were so thoroughly over the school and especially that principal. End result - we got our graduation ceremony AND our class presentation. I tihnk someone made the principal see reason, plus he realised we were prepared to accept it and it called his bluff. The thing is - what kids want and are content with, is not always what parents want. But this is now about HER life andewhat she is choosing. Some of her choices are wrong, but she has to live with the outcomes of those choices. Think of it this way - she is sparingyou the expense of a gown, of the photos, of all the rip-off merchandising that goes on around graduation, that I think costs families far too much. Why not instead (if she behaves herself) have a family celebration dinner for her, or maybe a picnic somewhere, where you can dress up and go to dinner and she can have her photo taken with you all, in the restaurant, with her diploma? My sister in law was an exchange student in the US for a year, she graduated with her US high school class. I remember the paperwork that surrounded it all (it was just after husband & I married) and I also remember the professional-looking photos that were posted back. She looked lovely - but to me, it didn't seem real, because for us it's not a "real" graduation - cap, gown, the whole bit - unless it's a university degree. We did go to her uni graduation four years later and it seemed real to us, although it probably was much more low-key than her US high school graduation had been. It's a matter of expectations - yours, or hers. And outcomes - yours, or hers. Hang in there, try to help her keep it all in perspective. And nose to the grindstone. because after high school comes the big wide world, and - GET A JOB! Or get occupied productively in some capacity somewhere, even if it's as a volunteer. Or do a course. Good luck with this one, she sounds like she needs a leash with a check chain. Marg [/QUOTE]
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