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Tools for Detaching? Difficult Child looks for love in all the wrong places.
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<blockquote data-quote="SuperG" data-source="post: 658830" data-attributes="member: 19130"><p>Good words Somewhere. Thank you. Difficult Child does not live with me. Hubs and I agreed two years ago when we built a smaller house that none of our children could move back. I do however own the house she lives in, but she does pay rent (2 years so far and although she's late sometimes, she pays). She has a fortune in student loans (and a new car that she thought she could afford, but now she's getting a divorce and she actually admitted the car was a poor choice). I only paid for part of her initial education - she had to borrow the rest herself. I do try to give her credit when she makes good choices and follows through with her word, and I tell her that her choices are hers to live with. I've made progress in not enabling, but I agree that it's difficult to stay physically attached through the working relationship. I don't have the space I need away from the situations that would help me disengage better. </p><p></p><p>When I say that I think it's MY anxiety that could be the problem here, I mean it. I have a hard time dealing with that part. That's why I need to hear the strict words about disengaging from people who have made that work. I love the comment you made about Overtalking. Totally true in my situation. I've always been guilty of that. </p><p></p><p>And I clue in on any tiny signal that something isn't right, or she's hiding something, or lying to cover up a new fling.... then I ruminate, and catastrophise (she's going to run off with this one, or this one's going to hurt her....) and it eats me alive. And then I see some stupid post she makes on social media (about the new man while she's still technically married to another one).... oh goodness, my blood pressure escalates. I really do know I can't control her behavior, and I really don't want to enable, I just need some freedom from the stress on my heart and mind.</p><p></p><p>Thanks again for your input. I value it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuperG, post: 658830, member: 19130"] Good words Somewhere. Thank you. Difficult Child does not live with me. Hubs and I agreed two years ago when we built a smaller house that none of our children could move back. I do however own the house she lives in, but she does pay rent (2 years so far and although she's late sometimes, she pays). She has a fortune in student loans (and a new car that she thought she could afford, but now she's getting a divorce and she actually admitted the car was a poor choice). I only paid for part of her initial education - she had to borrow the rest herself. I do try to give her credit when she makes good choices and follows through with her word, and I tell her that her choices are hers to live with. I've made progress in not enabling, but I agree that it's difficult to stay physically attached through the working relationship. I don't have the space I need away from the situations that would help me disengage better. When I say that I think it's MY anxiety that could be the problem here, I mean it. I have a hard time dealing with that part. That's why I need to hear the strict words about disengaging from people who have made that work. I love the comment you made about Overtalking. Totally true in my situation. I've always been guilty of that. And I clue in on any tiny signal that something isn't right, or she's hiding something, or lying to cover up a new fling.... then I ruminate, and catastrophise (she's going to run off with this one, or this one's going to hurt her....) and it eats me alive. And then I see some stupid post she makes on social media (about the new man while she's still technically married to another one).... oh goodness, my blood pressure escalates. I really do know I can't control her behavior, and I really don't want to enable, I just need some freedom from the stress on my heart and mind. Thanks again for your input. I value it. [/QUOTE]
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Tools for Detaching? Difficult Child looks for love in all the wrong places.
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