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Torn Mother and Son
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 569460" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>Often in this board we tell people that the problem is not in them, it is in their children. With you that isn't a case, at least not entirely (you son may well have his own challenges too.) Good news is, that while it is impossible to change others, one can change themselves. This is something you can work on and hopefully that will also change the relationship between the two of you. At least it will likely help you. </p><p></p><p>You were very young when you had your two oldest children and it does sound like you may have been depressed when you were expecting your son and when he was a baby. That does cause difficulties in bonding. And when things have such a bad start, they easily start to go to the wrong way and I think that is what happened with you two. I can just imagine how much you have suffered because of these feelings and how much guilt you have been carrying around because your difficulty to bond with your son. That alone has probably made it so much worse and obstructed you from developing more positive relationship with him. I think you need therapy to work those feelings through. After that you may be better able to bond with your son if he is willing.</p><p></p><p>Is his dad a good parent? If so, it may be a good thing, that he is living with him. It will be easier to begin bonding anew when you have less daily hassles to deal with him. Your son is now hitting his teens and they say, that during the teen years person revisits many of the earlier phases and sensitive periods for their development and if things didn't go so rosy first time around, puberty gives a new chance to have some of those vital experiences. </p><p></p><p>But I would strongly recommend that first you would find some counselling for yourself and start to work with your son when you are in stronger footing on your own emotions about him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 569460, member: 14557"] Often in this board we tell people that the problem is not in them, it is in their children. With you that isn't a case, at least not entirely (you son may well have his own challenges too.) Good news is, that while it is impossible to change others, one can change themselves. This is something you can work on and hopefully that will also change the relationship between the two of you. At least it will likely help you. You were very young when you had your two oldest children and it does sound like you may have been depressed when you were expecting your son and when he was a baby. That does cause difficulties in bonding. And when things have such a bad start, they easily start to go to the wrong way and I think that is what happened with you two. I can just imagine how much you have suffered because of these feelings and how much guilt you have been carrying around because your difficulty to bond with your son. That alone has probably made it so much worse and obstructed you from developing more positive relationship with him. I think you need therapy to work those feelings through. After that you may be better able to bond with your son if he is willing. Is his dad a good parent? If so, it may be a good thing, that he is living with him. It will be easier to begin bonding anew when you have less daily hassles to deal with him. Your son is now hitting his teens and they say, that during the teen years person revisits many of the earlier phases and sensitive periods for their development and if things didn't go so rosy first time around, puberty gives a new chance to have some of those vital experiences. But I would strongly recommend that first you would find some counselling for yourself and start to work with your son when you are in stronger footing on your own emotions about him. [/QUOTE]
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