Tortuous last week of school

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by slsh, Jun 6, 2007.

  1. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    So the last week of school is upon us. You'd think a therapeutic school would know better but apparently they follow SOP of all schools around here - last week is just pointless. Movies, movies, movies for thank you.

    I intervened yesterday when his SW called about something else and mentioned he'd been assaultive at school. Called him at school and gave him my usual schpiel - do what you're supposed to do, suck it up, buckle down, yada yada yada. I'm just not interested in all his excuses anymore - do what's expected, period.

    So he calls today to inform me he got restrained at school today. Apparently they thought he was going to bolt and escorted him away from front door. He promptly fell to the floor to stop the escort, then got up to sit on a bench to "collect himself" (excuse). Didn't start heading down to quiet room when he was told to so they held him. He was out of the classroom in the first place because he was provoking a peer because the peer ticked him off (excuse). "thank you, darling, provoking people who irritate you is really not a good life strategy." I need a loop recorder.

    I'm not going to debate staff's decision. Told thank you his size (over 6'/200 pounds now) and past behavior are 2 strikes. Staff really cannot safely afford to wait for him to get aggressive anymore. His "collecting himself" instead of moving his little posterior when told to was strike 3. Bad choice, thank you.

    His "solution" is that he's going to just refuse school for the rest of the week. He "just can't deal" with "sitting in a classroom doing nothing for 5 hours". I suggested taking a book or participating in what the rest of the class is doing (novel thought, I know :crazy2: ). Now, I try very hard not to tell him exactly *what* to do anymore, but I do try to present the better choice and the reasons it's a better choice. So I pointed out that school refusal probably results in "planet A" (total loss of all privileges) and that I really wasn't going to subject the entire family to an on-grounds visit in a conference room on Sat if he made that choice. So... what does he do? He calls a staff person over to find out if he would lose off-grounds visiting privileges.

    I snapped. Or what passes for snapped these days. Told him I don't need to talk to staff. I don't *care* if he's restricted, on planet A, or tarred and feathered. I'm disappointed that he would base his choice on severity of consequences rather than doing the *right* thing. If he does the right thing, he knows he will be able to go off grounds. That's really all he should need to know. I really don't care that school is boring (excuse).

    I'm really just frustrated with this mindset - he'll take planet A, which is not a fun consequence, over school as long as it doesn't interfere with- his recreational plans on the weekends. It's not that he's dying to see us, it's that he needs a "break" from the rigors of Residential Treatment Center (RTC). I'm really disappointed that when presented with, what seems to me anyway, two really clear choices, right and wrong, it's about as clear as mud to him. And I wonder for the millionth time how this kid is ever going to hold down a job??? Work or get fired... which do *you* think he'll choose with- this mindset?

    And I am just so doggone tired of his ridiculous overreactions. Parting line from him: "Yeah, you're right, Mom. I haven't made any progress at all. Don't bother coming up this weekend." Click. :grrr: Yep, that's exactly what I said thank you.

    The kid has come a long way in many ways. We're not dealing with broken windows or furniture, flying books, daily restraints due to violence anymore. But... I want him to get the *whole* picture. I want him to be able to make the right choices without having them spoon fed to him. He's smart. He *knows*. He just doesn't want to do it and therefore thinks he shouldn't have to. I'm just so incredibly flat worn out from having to constantly point out to him that this hasn't been and isn't going to be a terribly functional way to have any kind of quality of life. I don't know how to say it in any different way. Rule are rules. Expectations are expectations. Right is right and wrong isn't. Do what you're supposed to do because that is just *life*.

    This stuff is just exhausting sometimes. Vent over. by the way, I think it's extremely safe to say his blue hair is out - thank goodness I hadn't yet told him to go for it.... I think I'm gonna need his blue rinse for the 24 billion new gray ones that popped in on my head this afternoon. :wink:
     
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Why is it they seem so talented at shooting themselves in the foot?

    And I'd love to get the heads up on why the last week of school is so full of nonsense. I can understand the last day, but a whole week of the stuff is just too darn much. It used to grate on my kids nerves, too. They were always bored out of their minds. :hammer:

    I'm sorry thank you's being so pig headed.

    (((hugs)))
     
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh my what a week :surprise:I'm sorry he is having such a difficult time making good choices. I totally understand your frustration. Hugs! So your going with blue hair for yourself? :biggrin:
     
  4. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Sighhh! :slap:
     
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