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Total and Utter Disrespect. Ideas, Insight, Reaction,Opinion?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 616200" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>The backstory is complicated and long. Gfgbro is 2 yrs older than I am and has always felt that he had the absolute right to do anything he wanted to me. He started getting into real trouble in school by age 10 and after 6th grade he was sent to a private school that did not believe that grades 7 and 8 were needed, so the boys (all boy school) went from grade 6 to 9 over a summer. He took city buses home and was skilled at getting winos to buy him booze and porno mags. His porno/sex obsession was scary and my folks ignored it. THey ignored or were not aware of a lot. His abuse of me was mostly physical and verbal/emotional, but many people think he is the most wonderful great guy around. He used to hold the aggression in for months to take it out on me whenever he came home. </p><p></p><p>Anything he does is okay, and if he does something wrong, as soon as he gives one of his apologies it is to be instantly forgiven and everything is supposed to go on as if it never happened. That isn't reality, but it is what has been demanded of me by my family for my entire life. However, it is just fine to get angry over something I did as far back as age four even now. As in my father stormed off from dinner one night about a year ago in anger over something I did at age four. But if I am unwilling to bring my daughter to be around bro because she has panic attacks at the THOUGHT of seeing him, well, we are bieng unreasonable. Oh, his apologies? "I am sorry you are so oversensitive." "I am sorry you cannot take a joke."</p><p></p><p>I spent YEARS hearing from him after every family gathering about how upset he and my mom were, how my mom cried as she cleaned up the 'destruction' of her house that my kids caused, etc... For a long time I heard that every word out of my mouth was bitter and grudge holding and mean, so I spent an entire year saying absolutely NOTHING that was not super cheery, but even that was apparently not happy. It is bizarre to me. </p><p></p><p>One of gfgbro's favorite things is to wait outside the main bathroom, which is separated from the rooms we usually spend time in, and he catches you leaving the bathroom to 'correct' you which is of course reinforced by poking or pinching your side hard enough to leave bruises. If my mom sees the bruises, he convinces her that Wiz has caused them all. at one point I followed Wiz during several gatherings so that he had zero chance to do this, and J and T still came home with bruises. </p><p></p><p>2 and a half years ago my folks took Wiz to Europe for a couple of weeks. Chris was asked to feed their cats and had notes to do things like not leave one cat outside and to always leave one faucet drippign for him. This cat would NOT drink from a bowl of water and had serious kidney problems. During that trip our pump died, so did our air conditioning, and so did our cat. We have always buried pets in my folks yard, and Wiz would be heartbroken if we changed that. So we went and showered at my folks and buried the cat. Bro had a FIT because we left a 'mess'. Which consisted of 2 kernels of unpopped popcorn and one neatly folded shirt on the table. oh, the biggest sin? We did not dry the water out of the shower after we were done. WHO DOES THAT? Not my parents, sure as sugar not my husband. I don't know guys who do that. My parents' door is a lock that we have always had a key to and they are adamant about that and always have been. Heck, my dad's bro has always keyed his house locks to open with the same key - ALWAYS. My brother changed the lock on my parents' home while they were gone and told me it was because my children, husband and self were such hideous people who did NOTHING but destroy other people's things and my parents' home and he had to protect htem from us. </p><p></p><p>I called Germany and apologized in absolute HYSTERICS to my father. He was confused and IRATE. If he had been in town, I don't think my bro would have escaped with-o hospitalization. My mom is another story. She thinks I should just ignore him, but SHE doesn't. He will tell you something over and over until it seems like the truth. After you have heard something a hundred or more times, it is easy to believe it. Over the years he has tried six times to get me to join him to take control of their lives away on the pretext that they are senile (not even close), and gone to my mother after I refuse to tell her that I went to a lawyer and am filing papers and he wants to rescue them from me. They have to provide a house for him because otherwise he will be homeless with their granddau. Supposedly he was to get through grad school in 2-2 1/2 years, and into the last half of the second year they sold the property that he was living at. He had a full year rent free to stay there, and another year at rent of about $200 or less per year including half an acre of land, 3br trailer, large 3 car shop building and another outbuilding. They found some other land and bought it and it has a trailer, and my dad tried to not let him move there but my mother had a fit.</p><p></p><p>Nothing he does is ever bad enough to take a stand for my mom. There is always an excuse. family is always forgiven as long as it isn't me. At least that is how it looks to me and to tdocs who have worked with us. Bruising her grandkids and giving them weeks of nightmares and panic attacks? We must forgive him and allow him to continue because he needs help not punishment. Just ask her. I have panic attacks? I need to get over them. She has them? Everyone needs to make the world the way she wants it. She developed them around her job and left on disability (she has a lot of physical health problems and forcing herself to make it to work when very ill did a real number on her). It took her over five YEARS to be able to drive near the university yet we should get over our problems in a few months or less. </p><p></p><p>This keeps on keeping on, and I cuold post years of backstory that would take up the entire forum. The only real thread is that he is golden no matter what he does not accomplish, like NEVER holding a regular job in his entire life is just fine and dandy, as is being a parent 3.5 days a week where my folks have his daughter overnight at least once in that time because it is soooo hard to be a single parent when you have 3 days off a week. husband and I never get a day off from parenting, but when we wanted babysitting? nope, have to schedule it weeks in advance and get cancelled on because gfgbro has a crisis. Want a sitter to go see a therapist? fine, but ONLY if we tell her everything we will discuss with therapist, what therapist says, and she gets to send a letter in with her version of what we need help with and how messed up she thinks we are. I wish that was a joke. At one point she sent a history to Wiz' therapist and it was bizarre, things like not allowing him to eat veggies, only allowing him to eat boxed mac and cheese for a year, and all sorts of other things that did not happen. Now Wiz did have strong food issues, but they were NOT imposed by us or encouraged by us and my mom dang well knew it. </p><p></p><p>This is the type of thing I have always dealt with.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 616200, member: 1233"] The backstory is complicated and long. Gfgbro is 2 yrs older than I am and has always felt that he had the absolute right to do anything he wanted to me. He started getting into real trouble in school by age 10 and after 6th grade he was sent to a private school that did not believe that grades 7 and 8 were needed, so the boys (all boy school) went from grade 6 to 9 over a summer. He took city buses home and was skilled at getting winos to buy him booze and porno mags. His porno/sex obsession was scary and my folks ignored it. THey ignored or were not aware of a lot. His abuse of me was mostly physical and verbal/emotional, but many people think he is the most wonderful great guy around. He used to hold the aggression in for months to take it out on me whenever he came home. Anything he does is okay, and if he does something wrong, as soon as he gives one of his apologies it is to be instantly forgiven and everything is supposed to go on as if it never happened. That isn't reality, but it is what has been demanded of me by my family for my entire life. However, it is just fine to get angry over something I did as far back as age four even now. As in my father stormed off from dinner one night about a year ago in anger over something I did at age four. But if I am unwilling to bring my daughter to be around bro because she has panic attacks at the THOUGHT of seeing him, well, we are bieng unreasonable. Oh, his apologies? "I am sorry you are so oversensitive." "I am sorry you cannot take a joke." I spent YEARS hearing from him after every family gathering about how upset he and my mom were, how my mom cried as she cleaned up the 'destruction' of her house that my kids caused, etc... For a long time I heard that every word out of my mouth was bitter and grudge holding and mean, so I spent an entire year saying absolutely NOTHING that was not super cheery, but even that was apparently not happy. It is bizarre to me. One of gfgbro's favorite things is to wait outside the main bathroom, which is separated from the rooms we usually spend time in, and he catches you leaving the bathroom to 'correct' you which is of course reinforced by poking or pinching your side hard enough to leave bruises. If my mom sees the bruises, he convinces her that Wiz has caused them all. at one point I followed Wiz during several gatherings so that he had zero chance to do this, and J and T still came home with bruises. 2 and a half years ago my folks took Wiz to Europe for a couple of weeks. Chris was asked to feed their cats and had notes to do things like not leave one cat outside and to always leave one faucet drippign for him. This cat would NOT drink from a bowl of water and had serious kidney problems. During that trip our pump died, so did our air conditioning, and so did our cat. We have always buried pets in my folks yard, and Wiz would be heartbroken if we changed that. So we went and showered at my folks and buried the cat. Bro had a FIT because we left a 'mess'. Which consisted of 2 kernels of unpopped popcorn and one neatly folded shirt on the table. oh, the biggest sin? We did not dry the water out of the shower after we were done. WHO DOES THAT? Not my parents, sure as sugar not my husband. I don't know guys who do that. My parents' door is a lock that we have always had a key to and they are adamant about that and always have been. Heck, my dad's bro has always keyed his house locks to open with the same key - ALWAYS. My brother changed the lock on my parents' home while they were gone and told me it was because my children, husband and self were such hideous people who did NOTHING but destroy other people's things and my parents' home and he had to protect htem from us. I called Germany and apologized in absolute HYSTERICS to my father. He was confused and IRATE. If he had been in town, I don't think my bro would have escaped with-o hospitalization. My mom is another story. She thinks I should just ignore him, but SHE doesn't. He will tell you something over and over until it seems like the truth. After you have heard something a hundred or more times, it is easy to believe it. Over the years he has tried six times to get me to join him to take control of their lives away on the pretext that they are senile (not even close), and gone to my mother after I refuse to tell her that I went to a lawyer and am filing papers and he wants to rescue them from me. They have to provide a house for him because otherwise he will be homeless with their granddau. Supposedly he was to get through grad school in 2-2 1/2 years, and into the last half of the second year they sold the property that he was living at. He had a full year rent free to stay there, and another year at rent of about $200 or less per year including half an acre of land, 3br trailer, large 3 car shop building and another outbuilding. They found some other land and bought it and it has a trailer, and my dad tried to not let him move there but my mother had a fit. Nothing he does is ever bad enough to take a stand for my mom. There is always an excuse. family is always forgiven as long as it isn't me. At least that is how it looks to me and to tdocs who have worked with us. Bruising her grandkids and giving them weeks of nightmares and panic attacks? We must forgive him and allow him to continue because he needs help not punishment. Just ask her. I have panic attacks? I need to get over them. She has them? Everyone needs to make the world the way she wants it. She developed them around her job and left on disability (she has a lot of physical health problems and forcing herself to make it to work when very ill did a real number on her). It took her over five YEARS to be able to drive near the university yet we should get over our problems in a few months or less. This keeps on keeping on, and I cuold post years of backstory that would take up the entire forum. The only real thread is that he is golden no matter what he does not accomplish, like NEVER holding a regular job in his entire life is just fine and dandy, as is being a parent 3.5 days a week where my folks have his daughter overnight at least once in that time because it is soooo hard to be a single parent when you have 3 days off a week. husband and I never get a day off from parenting, but when we wanted babysitting? nope, have to schedule it weeks in advance and get cancelled on because gfgbro has a crisis. Want a sitter to go see a therapist? fine, but ONLY if we tell her everything we will discuss with therapist, what therapist says, and she gets to send a letter in with her version of what we need help with and how messed up she thinks we are. I wish that was a joke. At one point she sent a history to Wiz' therapist and it was bizarre, things like not allowing him to eat veggies, only allowing him to eat boxed mac and cheese for a year, and all sorts of other things that did not happen. Now Wiz did have strong food issues, but they were NOT imposed by us or encouraged by us and my mom dang well knew it. This is the type of thing I have always dealt with. [/QUOTE]
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