total vent

[Jena]

hi

yup it's me again, i'm sorry i'm posting away. came back married and happy and within 3 weeks its' all come unglued with-difficult child.

this is a total vent, i need it, dont' know where to put it. dont' even read it if you dont' want to.

i'm tired. exhausted. cant' remember last time i got 7 hours of sleep. been struggling since june.

been struggling for past several years trying to find what can help my kid. different doctors, therapists, all promising the world all delivering ****. tried every approach known to man, research everything, am very proactive in her care and treatment, and yet still nothing. it just keeps seemingly getting worse.

kinda at point where i'd like to throw her in truck, go far away with-her just the two of us and get her away from it all. not healthy but who cares.

have parents texting calling asking about her, hoping rumors dont' begin in this tiny clickish sucky neighborhood. i hate i cant' help her, never have been able to long term and this is who she is.

i hate my ex h he's the most self serving moron i've ever met. whose issues superceed his logic. who was asked to come see his kid this weekend and tells me well i have plans. i hate my neighborhood and fact i have no friends here except for one who works full time, parents here are insane and can't stand any of them. hate my husband's family who i think personally belong on their own island. again morons.

his ex well let's just say she could be gone tomorrow god forgive me and my life would be easier. how he stayed married to that pyscho is beyond me and makes me wonder about him at times.

hate him rightnow too who is mad i dont' have time for him and his sexual needs, yes i said it. after 3 nights is complaining we haven't had our time. my answer i can't even post that i'll get removed from group. i love him dearly i'd have to to withstand all the stuff he has brought into my world. yet in moments like this i could just strangle him and shake him. he's soo add and wont' admit it or get help man sleeps 4 hours a night and expects rest of world to function same. again moron. my word of day.

scariest thing of all is that once i solve this new difficult child problem. all the old problems await.

oh i also hate doctors'. the good ones papolos, rosalie greenberg, etc. who claim they can help yet get you on phone, hear your desperation and than turn and say sorry that'll be 5k. jerks.

i hate trying every medication under the sun for this poor kid since 7 and promsiing her this one will work yet never getting true relief of her symptoms for her. i hate her world is filled with therapists, pills, broken promises, and overall ****.

ok i think i'm done hating ppl for today.

thanks for letting me get that out. was either that or wipe dresser off with my hand which we know i wont' do because raging leaves a mess idont' wanna clean.

 

[TerryJ2]

I hear you !!!

When it gets like that, I cancel everything, get someone else to pick up difficult child, and go to bed and cry all day ... and sleep. If I can't get anyone to pick up difficult child, I pick him up and tell him I'm sick and I have to immediately go to bed. And then I do it.

You are overwhelmed. Can you get an old friend from another neighborhood to take care of your kids for an hr or two so you can mindlessly wander around Pier 1 or something?

I am so sorry.

 

[Jena]

no. she has new therapist appointment at 3. she cant' function today after medication, cant' even stand. is naseous, dizzy and crying a whole lot. won't eat still, says no way i'll die. wish i could bring some relief in family backup anything. yet doesn't work like that for me, never has. my mom cant' handle this either. so she keeps her distance. not the grandma who would show up with-difficult child's grandfather and say hey let's do some puzzles, eat some cookies i brought etc. i will be that grandma, my mother has taught me the type of grandmother i do not want to be.

 

[TerryJ2]

Well, if it's any consolation, my mom was a bit like that. Very high maintenance, only wanted to go shopping with-the kids. Works well with-"normal" easy kids. I only had one of those. Plus, my mom drank so much, I didn't really want her around them, anyway.

I hope your daughter can make it through the next cpl hrs, in bed, until her therapy appointment. Fingers crossed!

 

[Farmwife]

I highly suggest redecorating the top of that dresser. Maybe fill the top up with things that are not breakable or filled with liquid. (ie:no perfume bottles or nail polish)

Still keep it covered but with "fun" stuff like a plastic piggy bank filled with pennies (should sound awesome when it hits the ground), a small stack of old magazines (those whip open and fly really cool), stuffed animals (something comforting and sweet to hug when you "find" it on the floor) ect.

Then wait until you are so mad that clearing the staged dresser doesn't seem too contrived and let it all loose. If you ever get to that point it will probably feel pretty darned good. As silly as it seems it will be a nice way to relieve pressure.

Just make sure mr. piggy bank doesn't fly into a person, t.v. or mirror or something. Aim is everything. I like an underhand swoop myself.

Don't mean to make light of your situation. I have those everyone hoovers, hate the world, life is so miserable type days too. I've never really craved clearing a dresser. I always fantasize about taking my floor lamp and bashing an entire room full of whatever I can reach while shrieking like a mad woman. (no bashing people of course) For some reason the freedom and release of it all is a horrible temptation. I am waaay beyond the de-stressing pleasures of a bubble bath. I can hear husband "dealing with" my difficult child through the walls after the water stops running, lol

 

[Wiggles77]

Hi Jena:

I was reading your post without the intention of replying but something hit a chord...

I can't even tell you how MANY times I have thought the same thing... that I would love to pick up my son, go far away with him, and have it just be the two of us. Seems like all our problems would go away. He could just run around in the hills all day and would be the happiest little kid. lol. Like you said though - that would not be the healthiest thing for us.

I wish you were here in California... I would be that friend who could relate!

 

[graceupongrace]

Hugs, Jena.

I can relate to that helpless, exhausted feeling. The helplessness is exhausting and the exhaustion makes everything worse. Sometimes it seems like an endless loop.

Vent away. Everyone here gets it -- even if family & friends in real life don't.

 

[Wiped Out]

(((Hugs)))

 

[Jena]

i read this today that i wrote a few days ago and had to laugh and how much i hate so many ppl in my life lol. and Terry by the way my mom's the same exact way. kids stay there and come home and say mom why does grandma keep glasses in the freezer and a bottle in there?? hmm difficult child because grandma likes to drink wine all day starting around 12 and has to have her glasses chilled. lol.

ahhh the joys of family