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totally sad---any words of encouragement
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 257263" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I'm with MWM on this one. Your assessment of her - is this based on YOUR intuition as a mother, or is it a school counsellor assessment?</p><p></p><p>Whichever the answer, try to not let it bother you too much because she is her own person and as water finds its own level, she will find her own place in the world. She won't want to be anything she isn't capable of being. One of my favourite sci-fi authors put it this way (via one of his characters): "Ve can't all be first violiners in de orchestra - some of us got to push vind trough de trompone."</p><p></p><p>What does she enjoy doing? What is she good at? Maybe she will never do anything career-wise more than working behind a shop counter, or a sweatshop somewhere, but will marry, have kids and be a brilliant home-maker and mother. Maybe she enjoys working in a garden and could study landscaping, or simply work in a plant nursery or for a landscaper as labourer, helping pull weeds, put in plants, maintain gardens...</p><p></p><p>When you say she's a sophomore, I'm not so familiar with how old that would be, I'm assuming about 14? I could be way off, I'm sorry. But I do know that for us, with difficult child 3 now 15, we can access our adult education options as an alternative career path. There are always people who leave school early or who for other reasons have never finished high school but who want to go back later on to complete an education. SUch places, for us, allow some kids (as long as they are legal working age) to also enrol to complete education requirements, or at least get sufficient qualifications to be allowed to study further, in the career path of their choice. We're looking at this for difficult child 3 but because he is bright, we won't go that way unless we have to. However, I found out only yesterday, that we could. </p><p></p><p>I'm using difficult child 3 as an example, I also could have done this with difficult child 1 if only we'd known. The boys are bright but due to their learning problems and autism, find some educational areas very challenging. Through our TAFE college system I can get difficult child 3 into a course teaching him the basicskills needed to work as a shop assistant. It teaches how to manage change, how to talk to customers, some basic bookkeeping, how to perform well at a job interview. And while difficult child 3 will never work behind a counter (I don't think it would work for him) he COULD do well in the course. Passing this course would replace his School Certificate (one of our high school stages, it corresponds to completing high school I think, for the US) and he would then meet School Certificate entry requirements for the courses we DO want for him - the Information Technology. difficult child 3 is brilliant with computers and software, we think this is where his future lies so we're going to try to fast-track him in that direction and maybe do it while he completes his Higher School Certificate (HSC) part-time. </p><p></p><p>With difficult child 1, we chose to help him complete his formal schooling by doing it part-time. This meant that when other kids finished their HSC at 17, difficult child 1 was 20 and completed it at the same time as his younger sister, who was 17.</p><p></p><p>But then after a couple of years' volunteer work (also useful to get your kids into, if they can't get a job) difficult child 1 realised he wanted to work with his hands and get an apprenticeship. But nobody wanted to hire a 22 year old apprentice. If only we'd known, we could have gone down this path when he was 15. However, our government does have employer incentives to subsidise older apprentices, plus I have found some courses difficult child 1 can do, to help get his qualifications up. He can do the practical component as a volunteer again, and because it is something he loves, he does well at it and this attrcts employers who come to these colleges to recruit.</p><p>Fingers crossed! My current anxiety is that difficult child 1 is now 25, back on Disability, just married and with a huge debt hanging over him due to a car accident last December in which he was at fault and uninsured. It's looking like he may not have to declare bankruptcy, but if he does, he will probably be just coming out of it as he completes an apprenticeship, so it shouldn't affect his credit too badly when he really needs it; he would still be working for other people at that point instead of trying to set up his own business. (I still can't visualise difficult child 1 being able to run his own busiiness, but I shouldn't sell him too short).</p><p></p><p>To give you hope - one of my sisters was brain-damaged by encephalitis at the age of 5. She did badly at school despite a lot of support. Her memory was badly affected. She would be learning her spelling words, would have a list of six words, very simple ones and by the time she had got to the last word, she had forgotten the others. While everyone else in the family was made to complete high school, my parents let her leave as soon as she was of legal age to do so. She got a job in an office (through the church) where she did some typing and filing. I think she was answering the phones a lot. Her work was as easy as it was possible to make it. I really don't know much about what she did because I was still in primary school (elementary). It was weird, being able to do more than my sister, knowing more than her, etc. and still having her treat me like she was an adult and I was the kid.</p><p>Then a few years later she left that job to work closer to home. Her next job was for a bloke who sold light fittings. She worked in his office transferring numbers from this page to that, carefully, one number at a time. As she got used to it she got more confident. And because she was still young, her brain was learning, growing and recovering. She moved on to longer lists of numbers, to more filing, until he moved her to the showroom office and finally the showroom itself where she was working with customers for the first time. She ended up running the office for a while, the boss was really relying on her and when she got married and began to have kids, he insisted she come back to work afterwards because he needed her.</p><p>But the next snag - she wasn't adaptable enough to cope with motherhood - it hit her hard with the sudden change and she got post-natal depression. She came out of it stronger, did get back to work for a while but left permanently when she was able to sort out a replacement.</p><p>She keeps a lovely house, has learned some artistic hobbies and also taught some of these. As her kids grew she helped out at school andalso supported her husband in entertaining his work contacts. </p><p>Then she did yet anouther course, this time in business, and weith a friend opened a craft shop. She did the bulk of the face-to-face shop management and did well, but decided she needed to go in another direction and sold the shop. About this time she divorced - she had continued to grow and learn and had finally outgrown her husband. A pity. She went back to school and studied accountancy, now she works as a bookkeeper and accountant and has so much confidence in what she does! Her kids are now grown, she has remarried, is very happy and enjoying grandchildren. </p><p></p><p>My sister married for the first time when she was mentally still a child. It's no wonder she eventually grew up. it just took her 20 years longer. </p><p></p><p>Sometimes our kids just take a bit longer to get where they are meant to be.</p><p></p><p>In our generation (us parents) people have an average of 4 careers. In our kids' generation, it is expected that people will have 6 or more consecutive careers. </p><p></p><p>easy child 2/difficult child 2 was accepted into school early, because of her genius IQ. However, she horrified her principal when she kept insisting that her ambition in life was to be a hairdresser. The principal was disgusted - such a brain should study law, or medicine. But seeing what easy child 2/difficult child 2 has turned into (a creature with Style indeed) I'm beginning to think hairdressing wasn't such a bad idea. She's not done as well at school as she should have (because she chose 'soft' subjects because of their design connections) and is now following the TAFE route to univeristy that I described above. Her current aim is to teach. It will be her fourth career already - she's been paid as a stiltwalker/circus performer, as an actress, currently works in a shop (in between more performing work) and is halfway through her teacher training in the evening.</p><p></p><p>So take heart - what is most important is, what sort of person is your daughter? Is she loving, generous, kind, honest? That is far more important than to be a highly intelligent but selfish person.</p><p></p><p>Do a sig when you can, so we can keep in touch with more accurate info.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 257263, member: 1991"] I'm with MWM on this one. Your assessment of her - is this based on YOUR intuition as a mother, or is it a school counsellor assessment? Whichever the answer, try to not let it bother you too much because she is her own person and as water finds its own level, she will find her own place in the world. She won't want to be anything she isn't capable of being. One of my favourite sci-fi authors put it this way (via one of his characters): "Ve can't all be first violiners in de orchestra - some of us got to push vind trough de trompone." What does she enjoy doing? What is she good at? Maybe she will never do anything career-wise more than working behind a shop counter, or a sweatshop somewhere, but will marry, have kids and be a brilliant home-maker and mother. Maybe she enjoys working in a garden and could study landscaping, or simply work in a plant nursery or for a landscaper as labourer, helping pull weeds, put in plants, maintain gardens... When you say she's a sophomore, I'm not so familiar with how old that would be, I'm assuming about 14? I could be way off, I'm sorry. But I do know that for us, with difficult child 3 now 15, we can access our adult education options as an alternative career path. There are always people who leave school early or who for other reasons have never finished high school but who want to go back later on to complete an education. SUch places, for us, allow some kids (as long as they are legal working age) to also enrol to complete education requirements, or at least get sufficient qualifications to be allowed to study further, in the career path of their choice. We're looking at this for difficult child 3 but because he is bright, we won't go that way unless we have to. However, I found out only yesterday, that we could. I'm using difficult child 3 as an example, I also could have done this with difficult child 1 if only we'd known. The boys are bright but due to their learning problems and autism, find some educational areas very challenging. Through our TAFE college system I can get difficult child 3 into a course teaching him the basicskills needed to work as a shop assistant. It teaches how to manage change, how to talk to customers, some basic bookkeeping, how to perform well at a job interview. And while difficult child 3 will never work behind a counter (I don't think it would work for him) he COULD do well in the course. Passing this course would replace his School Certificate (one of our high school stages, it corresponds to completing high school I think, for the US) and he would then meet School Certificate entry requirements for the courses we DO want for him - the Information Technology. difficult child 3 is brilliant with computers and software, we think this is where his future lies so we're going to try to fast-track him in that direction and maybe do it while he completes his Higher School Certificate (HSC) part-time. With difficult child 1, we chose to help him complete his formal schooling by doing it part-time. This meant that when other kids finished their HSC at 17, difficult child 1 was 20 and completed it at the same time as his younger sister, who was 17. But then after a couple of years' volunteer work (also useful to get your kids into, if they can't get a job) difficult child 1 realised he wanted to work with his hands and get an apprenticeship. But nobody wanted to hire a 22 year old apprentice. If only we'd known, we could have gone down this path when he was 15. However, our government does have employer incentives to subsidise older apprentices, plus I have found some courses difficult child 1 can do, to help get his qualifications up. He can do the practical component as a volunteer again, and because it is something he loves, he does well at it and this attrcts employers who come to these colleges to recruit. Fingers crossed! My current anxiety is that difficult child 1 is now 25, back on Disability, just married and with a huge debt hanging over him due to a car accident last December in which he was at fault and uninsured. It's looking like he may not have to declare bankruptcy, but if he does, he will probably be just coming out of it as he completes an apprenticeship, so it shouldn't affect his credit too badly when he really needs it; he would still be working for other people at that point instead of trying to set up his own business. (I still can't visualise difficult child 1 being able to run his own busiiness, but I shouldn't sell him too short). To give you hope - one of my sisters was brain-damaged by encephalitis at the age of 5. She did badly at school despite a lot of support. Her memory was badly affected. She would be learning her spelling words, would have a list of six words, very simple ones and by the time she had got to the last word, she had forgotten the others. While everyone else in the family was made to complete high school, my parents let her leave as soon as she was of legal age to do so. She got a job in an office (through the church) where she did some typing and filing. I think she was answering the phones a lot. Her work was as easy as it was possible to make it. I really don't know much about what she did because I was still in primary school (elementary). It was weird, being able to do more than my sister, knowing more than her, etc. and still having her treat me like she was an adult and I was the kid. Then a few years later she left that job to work closer to home. Her next job was for a bloke who sold light fittings. She worked in his office transferring numbers from this page to that, carefully, one number at a time. As she got used to it she got more confident. And because she was still young, her brain was learning, growing and recovering. She moved on to longer lists of numbers, to more filing, until he moved her to the showroom office and finally the showroom itself where she was working with customers for the first time. She ended up running the office for a while, the boss was really relying on her and when she got married and began to have kids, he insisted she come back to work afterwards because he needed her. But the next snag - she wasn't adaptable enough to cope with motherhood - it hit her hard with the sudden change and she got post-natal depression. She came out of it stronger, did get back to work for a while but left permanently when she was able to sort out a replacement. She keeps a lovely house, has learned some artistic hobbies and also taught some of these. As her kids grew she helped out at school andalso supported her husband in entertaining his work contacts. Then she did yet anouther course, this time in business, and weith a friend opened a craft shop. She did the bulk of the face-to-face shop management and did well, but decided she needed to go in another direction and sold the shop. About this time she divorced - she had continued to grow and learn and had finally outgrown her husband. A pity. She went back to school and studied accountancy, now she works as a bookkeeper and accountant and has so much confidence in what she does! Her kids are now grown, she has remarried, is very happy and enjoying grandchildren. My sister married for the first time when she was mentally still a child. It's no wonder she eventually grew up. it just took her 20 years longer. Sometimes our kids just take a bit longer to get where they are meant to be. In our generation (us parents) people have an average of 4 careers. In our kids' generation, it is expected that people will have 6 or more consecutive careers. easy child 2/difficult child 2 was accepted into school early, because of her genius IQ. However, she horrified her principal when she kept insisting that her ambition in life was to be a hairdresser. The principal was disgusted - such a brain should study law, or medicine. But seeing what easy child 2/difficult child 2 has turned into (a creature with Style indeed) I'm beginning to think hairdressing wasn't such a bad idea. She's not done as well at school as she should have (because she chose 'soft' subjects because of their design connections) and is now following the TAFE route to univeristy that I described above. Her current aim is to teach. It will be her fourth career already - she's been paid as a stiltwalker/circus performer, as an actress, currently works in a shop (in between more performing work) and is halfway through her teacher training in the evening. So take heart - what is most important is, what sort of person is your daughter? Is she loving, generous, kind, honest? That is far more important than to be a highly intelligent but selfish person. Do a sig when you can, so we can keep in touch with more accurate info. Marg [/QUOTE]
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