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totally sad---any words of encouragement
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<blockquote data-quote="WSM" data-source="post: 257661" data-attributes="member: 5169"><p>My aunt, 4 years older than me is also not very smart; her IQ tested about 90, and worse for her still, she is surrounded by a family of smart, smart people. Her sister is a surgeon (more later), her brother now dead, was enrolled in college at college at 15, her father was an engineer, and she was always sort of a misfit.</p><p> </p><p>But she is so kind, and cheerful, and so hard working and tenacious, that it ends up very happily for her (she's in her early 50's). And she's funny and not shy, and likeable. And she is good at tennis and softball.</p><p> </p><p>Some of the bad stuff about her life: it's been a struggle; she's had to take classes twice; it took her longer to get through school; she lives in a social sphere filled with really smart people who sometimes look at her bewildered and maybe condescendingly because she's said something 'stupid' (I remember once she said something about not realizing the arabs and israeli were unhappy with one another and there were problems in the middle east; another time she thought Australia and Austria were the same country). I think on a few occasions she's been dismissed or rejected for jobs and people (maybe even a bit by her own family) for not being swift enough. Her world is small and she doesn't necessarily make the connections. And she has a few emotional problems, anxiety and a tendency towards excitability because the world doesn't always make sense to her.</p><p> </p><p>But this is the good news: the race is to the slow and steady. She has a great job with the Veteran's Administration in medical billing, makes a nice amount of money, is respected and appreciated there because of her good work habits, and in 18 months already got a promotion. It took her twice as long to get through college: she wanted to be a registered dietician, but somehow her scores or something were never good enough to be accepted into the program, so she worked for 10 years in nursing homes and hospitals in food service. </p><p> </p><p>Then she wanted something more, so she went to medical billing classes. Again it took twice as long, but she did well, got a job right out of school about 18 months ago and is happy and has a secure future with a pension, 401k, insurance, promotions, flexibility, and security.</p><p> </p><p>Her surgeon sister? Well, she never practiced a day in her life once she got out of her internship; it make her nervous she said. She knocked about freelancing at computer, then lived off some savings, then hooked up with her current boyfriend (they've been together about 10 years and will never marry), and they've pretty much have kept themselves afloat by buying houses, fixing them up and selling them. She has no social security credits, no insurance, no pension, no security of marriage, she and her boyfriend even split the cost of groceries and she has 'her' food and he has his. She doesn't drive because it's too much bother, when she had her own house, she never bought furniture because she didn't like having 'things'. She's pretty near agroraphobic. She has a genius IQ.</p><p> </p><p>Slow but steady aunt has a husband, three houses, a job, future financial security, insurance, she travels, has a dog (genius aunt had a dog for about 3 months then gave it away because it was too much trouble). </p><p> </p><p>She has always had lots of boyfriends. But had trouble finding one to marry her (truthfully, a couple liked her but gave her a pass because she was a little bit more work--but truthfully, she passed up a guy or two because she wanted to get married, just for the white dress and wedding ceremony, and pushed for the marriage hard before the guy was ready and scared a couple off).</p><p> </p><p>But eventually she found an autoworker who really cared and really knew what he was getting into by marrying her. They are happy, happy, happy. </p><p> </p><p>She had a little house that she paid for while she was working food service (she was taught financial responsibility, and because she's not as bright as others, she follows the rules and doesn't wing it, or think she knows better like her 'genius' sister). He had a little house. They sold theirs and built a nice house. That's her house number 1. They like to go to upper Michigan. They bought a cottage and improved it and made it wonderful. That's house number 2. When her parents died, they left their very nice house in Arizona to all three sisters (brother died when he was 19, so it's my mom and the two aunts). Her husband loves Arizona, so she took less inheritance and bought out her sisters. That's house 3. She has two paid for vacation houses and an almost paid for main residence. All are nice.</p><p> </p><p>Good marriage, good job, good financial future--it took her longer, and yes, society was often a bit hard on her; but she was steady, followed the rules, and frankly, she came out ahead of her genius sister who has no income, owns half a property she shares with a man who won'tmarry her, no retirement or health insurance, and frankly is kind of neurotic. Oh, did I mention genius aunt is mostly shunned from the family because she had a one night stand with my alcoholic exhusband--when I was a stay at home mom with 3 little ones under 5? </p><p> </p><p>Neither sister has children, but slow and steady aunt is beloved by mine, and by her stepchildren and grandchildren and is welcomed everywhere and included in everything. Genius aunt doesn't get along with her boyfriend's son (boyfriend doesn't get along with boyfriend's son) and I have no idea what they do at Xmas and Thanksgiving and all. </p><p> </p><p>Your daughter has every chance at having a happy fulfilling interesting life. The characteristics that made slow and steady aunt's life different from genius aunt's life were: hard work, following the rules, good humor, kindness, playing fair, keep on trying even though it was harder for her and took her longer, and putting out the effort.</p><p> </p><p>Genius aunt doesn't want to bother, gave up if it was too hard (book learning and academics came easy to her, but when she had the real responsibility of surgery, she opted out), reserve, being too good to do what everyone else did, and putting herself first. She's self supporting, so she can do what she wants; but ... <shrug>... of the two, I'd choose to be the slow and steady aunt. She's happy and prosperous and has friends and a busy schedule with work, sports, home improvement, travel, friends... </p><p> </p><p>Genius aunt...well, we all just shake our heads thinking about her...as we pick up the phone to see what's up with her sister.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WSM, post: 257661, member: 5169"] My aunt, 4 years older than me is also not very smart; her IQ tested about 90, and worse for her still, she is surrounded by a family of smart, smart people. Her sister is a surgeon (more later), her brother now dead, was enrolled in college at college at 15, her father was an engineer, and she was always sort of a misfit. But she is so kind, and cheerful, and so hard working and tenacious, that it ends up very happily for her (she's in her early 50's). And she's funny and not shy, and likeable. And she is good at tennis and softball. Some of the bad stuff about her life: it's been a struggle; she's had to take classes twice; it took her longer to get through school; she lives in a social sphere filled with really smart people who sometimes look at her bewildered and maybe condescendingly because she's said something 'stupid' (I remember once she said something about not realizing the arabs and israeli were unhappy with one another and there were problems in the middle east; another time she thought Australia and Austria were the same country). I think on a few occasions she's been dismissed or rejected for jobs and people (maybe even a bit by her own family) for not being swift enough. Her world is small and she doesn't necessarily make the connections. And she has a few emotional problems, anxiety and a tendency towards excitability because the world doesn't always make sense to her. But this is the good news: the race is to the slow and steady. She has a great job with the Veteran's Administration in medical billing, makes a nice amount of money, is respected and appreciated there because of her good work habits, and in 18 months already got a promotion. It took her twice as long to get through college: she wanted to be a registered dietician, but somehow her scores or something were never good enough to be accepted into the program, so she worked for 10 years in nursing homes and hospitals in food service. Then she wanted something more, so she went to medical billing classes. Again it took twice as long, but she did well, got a job right out of school about 18 months ago and is happy and has a secure future with a pension, 401k, insurance, promotions, flexibility, and security. Her surgeon sister? Well, she never practiced a day in her life once she got out of her internship; it make her nervous she said. She knocked about freelancing at computer, then lived off some savings, then hooked up with her current boyfriend (they've been together about 10 years and will never marry), and they've pretty much have kept themselves afloat by buying houses, fixing them up and selling them. She has no social security credits, no insurance, no pension, no security of marriage, she and her boyfriend even split the cost of groceries and she has 'her' food and he has his. She doesn't drive because it's too much bother, when she had her own house, she never bought furniture because she didn't like having 'things'. She's pretty near agroraphobic. She has a genius IQ. Slow but steady aunt has a husband, three houses, a job, future financial security, insurance, she travels, has a dog (genius aunt had a dog for about 3 months then gave it away because it was too much trouble). She has always had lots of boyfriends. But had trouble finding one to marry her (truthfully, a couple liked her but gave her a pass because she was a little bit more work--but truthfully, she passed up a guy or two because she wanted to get married, just for the white dress and wedding ceremony, and pushed for the marriage hard before the guy was ready and scared a couple off). But eventually she found an autoworker who really cared and really knew what he was getting into by marrying her. They are happy, happy, happy. She had a little house that she paid for while she was working food service (she was taught financial responsibility, and because she's not as bright as others, she follows the rules and doesn't wing it, or think she knows better like her 'genius' sister). He had a little house. They sold theirs and built a nice house. That's her house number 1. They like to go to upper Michigan. They bought a cottage and improved it and made it wonderful. That's house number 2. When her parents died, they left their very nice house in Arizona to all three sisters (brother died when he was 19, so it's my mom and the two aunts). Her husband loves Arizona, so she took less inheritance and bought out her sisters. That's house 3. She has two paid for vacation houses and an almost paid for main residence. All are nice. Good marriage, good job, good financial future--it took her longer, and yes, society was often a bit hard on her; but she was steady, followed the rules, and frankly, she came out ahead of her genius sister who has no income, owns half a property she shares with a man who won'tmarry her, no retirement or health insurance, and frankly is kind of neurotic. Oh, did I mention genius aunt is mostly shunned from the family because she had a one night stand with my alcoholic exhusband--when I was a stay at home mom with 3 little ones under 5? Neither sister has children, but slow and steady aunt is beloved by mine, and by her stepchildren and grandchildren and is welcomed everywhere and included in everything. Genius aunt doesn't get along with her boyfriend's son (boyfriend doesn't get along with boyfriend's son) and I have no idea what they do at Xmas and Thanksgiving and all. Your daughter has every chance at having a happy fulfilling interesting life. The characteristics that made slow and steady aunt's life different from genius aunt's life were: hard work, following the rules, good humor, kindness, playing fair, keep on trying even though it was harder for her and took her longer, and putting out the effort. Genius aunt doesn't want to bother, gave up if it was too hard (book learning and academics came easy to her, but when she had the real responsibility of surgery, she opted out), reserve, being too good to do what everyone else did, and putting herself first. She's self supporting, so she can do what she wants; but ... <shrug>... of the two, I'd choose to be the slow and steady aunt. She's happy and prosperous and has friends and a busy schedule with work, sports, home improvement, travel, friends... Genius aunt...well, we all just shake our heads thinking about her...as we pick up the phone to see what's up with her sister. [/QUOTE]
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