Tough couple of days....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, Dec 29, 2007.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    kt has been extremely RADish (for lack of a better term) this week. Every determining factor of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) has popped up again big time & she's been in my face. Angry, demanding, hurtful, dramatic, one minute a teen - the next a toddler with toddler like behaviors.

    (On the plus side, no dissociative states to be reported.)

    Personally, I'm past caring about the Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) stuff - about how pitiful her early childhood was. She's taking advantage of my memory issues to create chaos, recreate rules; manipulating the household rules saying that I told her it was okay. I'm always pretty sure I wouldn't say something like that but with my memory/cognitive stuff I cannot remember.

    kt is mimicking my speech issues; laughing about it to therapist & anyone outside the family.

    I think that was the straw that broke something in me last night. No matter how horrible you've had it there is never any reason to be be hurtful to another. I told husband I want kt in a MITH home by next month. I'm never going to get well at this rate & kt is manipulating, using my condition & raising hell in the meantime.

    husband is angry with me because of this; he keeps reminding me of the symptoms of this disorder - the memory & psychiatric issues that can occur. He feels I'm depressed (you think?).

    And I had to remind husband that young ms kt has husband wrapped about her little finger.
     
  2. Janna

    Janna New Member

    Linda :flower:

    The memory issue - have you thought about a dry erase board? I keep one hung in the dining room. Children are not allowed to touch it. As the boys drop levels, lose privelages, gain rewards, whatever, I write it down (I have a problem with remembering, too). Kt would have no argument if it's written down.

    I'm sorry she's being hurtful. Sometimes these kids have such impulsivity issues they run their mouth before their brain moves. I have this problem with Dylan at times, mostly in public.

    I hope you're able to find some peace, quiet and rest this weekend.

    *hugs*
     
  3. ML

    ML Guest

    Linda,

    I don't know what to say except that I do feel that you need to take care of yourself right now. Hopefully supporting kt and taking care of yourself don't have to be mutually exclusive. I like the idea of a dry erase board, or even a little pocket notebook that no one else knows about.

    You have always been so inspirational to me, and I'm sure to many others here too. Sometimes I really wish we lived closer because we could support each other on deeper levels. For now, my cyber support of you is 100 percent.

    Hugs,

    MicheleL

    PS, As I've been in peri m for many years and have gone with diminished amounts of estrogen I have noticed a lot of cognitive impariment myself. Like I say the wrong word for what I mean and I forget things (short term memory). My difficult child is tries to manipulate saying "you promised" and sometimes I don't remember if I did and I give in. Maybe I need the notebook lol.
     
  4. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Oh Linda,

    I'm sorry she is being so awful. What is a MITH home? Is that long term respite? Your instincts are so good for what your family needs.

    ((HUGS))
     
  5. tammyjh

    tammyjh New Member

    I'm sorry to hear that difficult child is giving you so much trouble and hurting your feelings so much :(. It really makes it hard for one to feel bad for them when they are so disrespectful...in fact..waaaaay past disrespectful and mocking you. My daughter hasn't done the mocking yet but she's so mean and hateful when she's in the mood. And it comes across as real hate and as she's not really attatched to me (just dependent on me), she's never really sorry and it doesn't matter to her how what she says may impact me. It wears thin after a while. Any way you can get a break from her for a bit?
     
  6. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    I am so sorry you are going through this. On top of everything else you really don't need this. I know you wouldn't make this decision lightly. Manipulation is the one thing (well ok there a few others) that I so don't stand for.

    I will be thinking of you.

    Beth
     
  7. Penta

    Penta New Member

    I'm sorry kt is upsetting your recovery.Having her live somewhere else while you are trying to get well, may be what is needed now. Besides her pysch issues, she is a teen and just typical teen behavior is hard for any parent. Your body is in a weakened state and needs time without chaos to recover.

    I hope you can figure this out as a family, so that your body will heal.
     
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Linda,
    I'm so sorry kt is having such a difficult time right now. I'm more sorry she is being hurtful to you. I know how much it hurts. I'm sorry husband is upset with you too.

    Many gentle hugs and prayers too.
     
  9. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Thank you ladies - things have settled down to a dull roar about here this afternoon. kt "agreed" that she not only needs to take a PRN today but actually took it.

    She & husband have spent a great deal of time together so I could get other things done (paying bills, menus & ordering groceries). It's been a challenge for him as well - daddy could do no wrong before this.

    MITH = multimodal intervention treatment home. It's used in our state for some of the toughest cases. Both kt & wm are on the list if needed. Essentially it's a home that takes one kid at a time & that's it. We've talked this situation over time & again over the last couple of months.

    It also may be that we need to back off on the number of visits between the tweedles. While it's going well - babysteps & such; the aftermath can be somewhat "irritating".

    The change, I believe, is more my ability to tolerate the antics & such that go on with kt & wm. kt especially is in my face - is playing the orphan girl; she has it down to a fine art & it's annoying at best.

    After 7 years, I'm at the end of my rope with those types of behaviors. I anticipate different things as we ask more of my children; I expect the old garbage do be just that - garbage. In the dump & forgotten. Unrealistic - maybe. Don't care tonight.

    It's just another few days before school is back in session. kt meets with psychiatrist tomorrow - I expect a medication tweak for anxiety & such while the tweedle visits continue. I also expect he will pull me aside for a private discussion - always a fun thing. He's been pushing the MITH for a couple of months as well.

    I'll update you all as merited.

    Again I appreciate the support.
     
  10. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Linda,

    I know how hard this must be on you physically, mentally, and emotionally - especially when you are so, so, sick. It seems these kids manage to have their toll not only on our psyche, but also our bodies. I fully relate, and empathize.

    I know you have debated over having kt it a group home for awhile, and maybe given the circumstance it is the best thing. However, from my perspective, I guess I am worried about kt taking a rapid plunge from not only the trauma of losing the security of her mom and dad from a placement, but also losing part of her mom due to your illness. In a way, wm has been more sheltered and less affected than kt - because he has been removed from it all. If kt leaves to a group home, than she will really be getting a double whammy of abandonment issues thrown at her little soul.

    I know that you must feel horrible, and that it is all one can do to take the barrage of crud these kids throw at us all day........but if you could possibly weather through this period of time............I believe it would give kt a more secure footing for her emotional future.

    Sending prayers and strength your way.
     
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