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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 496033" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>Hi Malika, I PM'd you back... more info there, but I get having those rough patches for sure. For the record, I do think ODD is a good descriptive term. I said Q's middle name was oppositional and even used the word with him (I am not always convinced he knows what his behaviors are like, who they affect etc... he may not care but at least if he can learn this kind of behavior is ok, this kind is not ok etc... Know what I mean?...for him that is....)</p><p></p><p>I just dont think it helps in terms of treatment nor do I think it is the end of the search. It only says there is something going on. So, WHAT IS IT? Right?? That is what we all want to know. </p><p></p><p>Some of his behaviors and some of your responses (remember on the Attachment Disorder symptom lists it always says this....Angry Parent-kind of terms) do match what you are wondering about...the attachment stuff. All of the sites do say symptoms can look like adhd and certanly kids with certain kinds of attachment stuff can be oppositional and defiant... heck their bottom line is often that they NEED to be in charge because in their reality (though they could probably not put this in words) If they let anyone else take over, they will just be hurt again. You know all that...but imagine a child living with that pressure, of course they are going to have issues. I think I remember you said there could be a birth history playing a part here too, right? What was the birth mom's story? Maybe I am not remembering right. Have you researched (probably a totally silly question given who I am writing this too, lol) the effects of drugs, neglect-medical care , hunger, whatever the issues were with her. I am so sorry I am forgetting right now what you said about that. Not that you need to share here of course, just wondering if any of his executive function and personality control issues could be related to that.</p><p></p><p>You need respite. I know he goes to an occassional party etc. but it would be great if someone who got what is going on could work with him. An in home therapist would be nice too.... that fantasy therapist, you know what I mean.... I want one too, someone who understands the basic trust issues many of our kids have as part of their makeups, that makes them feel they can't take the risk to let anyone too close, and who has great methods that are not the canned things that you already tried for working on behaviors. (you have tried those first right? For Q I can use super modified behavior rewards, like he has to be able to earn things in one hour....none of this get ten stickers and you can turn them in for... He will take the trash out for an immediate dollar, or can have the tv unlocked for a specific show if he has not said mean words for an hour, etc. </p><p></p><p>I hear you. I think next time you go to the psychiatrist you do need to share specifically and also need to let him know that you are at a point where saying to wait and see or brush it off till next time is not an option because if you dont find some help, hope or support....you could end up really hating your role as mother and that will hurt both of you. You love him so that is why it bothers you. No doubt in my mind from how you worry about and enjoy his unique perspective on events and ideas, etc. He is lucky to have a mom who is working so hard on his behalf. From what you have said to me, he does sound like all of this is bothering him too. THAT is a huge red flag and so make sure you let the doctor know that too. </p><p></p><p>I am so glad you shared. It is important. I really can relate. When Q was little , though I knew his diagnosis for sure... I still was adjusting and wondering how far this would all go. Some things are far better than I would have thought they could be. Other things are still very worrisome. You have a lot of opportunity for growth and progress. He is not cognitively delayed, may have some really treatable issues and you are willing to work on it. That all goes a long way. </p><p></p><p></p><p>HUGS, Malika. Hang in there... these lows on the rollercoaster do make the highs sweeter!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 496033, member: 12886"] Hi Malika, I PM'd you back... more info there, but I get having those rough patches for sure. For the record, I do think ODD is a good descriptive term. I said Q's middle name was oppositional and even used the word with him (I am not always convinced he knows what his behaviors are like, who they affect etc... he may not care but at least if he can learn this kind of behavior is ok, this kind is not ok etc... Know what I mean?...for him that is....) I just dont think it helps in terms of treatment nor do I think it is the end of the search. It only says there is something going on. So, WHAT IS IT? Right?? That is what we all want to know. Some of his behaviors and some of your responses (remember on the Attachment Disorder symptom lists it always says this....Angry Parent-kind of terms) do match what you are wondering about...the attachment stuff. All of the sites do say symptoms can look like adhd and certanly kids with certain kinds of attachment stuff can be oppositional and defiant... heck their bottom line is often that they NEED to be in charge because in their reality (though they could probably not put this in words) If they let anyone else take over, they will just be hurt again. You know all that...but imagine a child living with that pressure, of course they are going to have issues. I think I remember you said there could be a birth history playing a part here too, right? What was the birth mom's story? Maybe I am not remembering right. Have you researched (probably a totally silly question given who I am writing this too, lol) the effects of drugs, neglect-medical care , hunger, whatever the issues were with her. I am so sorry I am forgetting right now what you said about that. Not that you need to share here of course, just wondering if any of his executive function and personality control issues could be related to that. You need respite. I know he goes to an occassional party etc. but it would be great if someone who got what is going on could work with him. An in home therapist would be nice too.... that fantasy therapist, you know what I mean.... I want one too, someone who understands the basic trust issues many of our kids have as part of their makeups, that makes them feel they can't take the risk to let anyone too close, and who has great methods that are not the canned things that you already tried for working on behaviors. (you have tried those first right? For Q I can use super modified behavior rewards, like he has to be able to earn things in one hour....none of this get ten stickers and you can turn them in for... He will take the trash out for an immediate dollar, or can have the tv unlocked for a specific show if he has not said mean words for an hour, etc. I hear you. I think next time you go to the psychiatrist you do need to share specifically and also need to let him know that you are at a point where saying to wait and see or brush it off till next time is not an option because if you dont find some help, hope or support....you could end up really hating your role as mother and that will hurt both of you. You love him so that is why it bothers you. No doubt in my mind from how you worry about and enjoy his unique perspective on events and ideas, etc. He is lucky to have a mom who is working so hard on his behalf. From what you have said to me, he does sound like all of this is bothering him too. THAT is a huge red flag and so make sure you let the doctor know that too. I am so glad you shared. It is important. I really can relate. When Q was little , though I knew his diagnosis for sure... I still was adjusting and wondering how far this would all go. Some things are far better than I would have thought they could be. Other things are still very worrisome. You have a lot of opportunity for growth and progress. He is not cognitively delayed, may have some really treatable issues and you are willing to work on it. That all goes a long way. HUGS, Malika. Hang in there... these lows on the rollercoaster do make the highs sweeter! [/QUOTE]
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