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Tough times
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 496044" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Hi Buddy and thanks for your considered response (didn't get a PM from you, by the way - must have got lost in the ether <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" />) Much of what you say makes sense. I know nothing, absolutely nothing, about the birth mother. And in all probability never will. She could have taken drugs and alcohol if she were a prostitute. Doubtless there is a genetic component. He spent the first three months in a creche with many other babies, left for long hours to cry unattended. His base temperament also plays a part. He is just not an easy personality - you know? As my grandmother said to me once when I was a little girl: he "kicks against the pricks". </p><p>Respite.... this is partly the problem. There are two childminders that he quite often goes to on a Saturday because I just have a ridiculous amount of work much of the time. He gets on fine with them both, they seem to understand him and how he operates now. He was supposed to go yesterday but when we turned up at the door, he suddenly ran away, got into the car and refused to come out. He was very upset, saying he didn't want to go, he wouldn't go, I work all the time, he wanted to stay with me. At first I got annoyed and tried to make him go, by various means but then I thought... no, that's right, I do spend too much time away from him working (but what can you do? I am not in a position where I can turn down work). So I bit the bullet, pushed work to the background (will be working at night over the next week...), and accepted that we spend the day together. And then this afternoon, he was supposed to go to what we call Arabic class at a local mosque - two hours of reciting phrases and learning the Arabic alphabet. I do know it's very, very boring because I attended the first one. Anyway, today he began saying he didn't want to go - not having a tantrum, but talking reasonably (because we had been doing so much "work" on talking reasonably). He said it was too long, he wanted to play but they wouldn't let him play. Again, fair enough, particularly for an ADHD kid, and after an inner tussle about not letting him get his own way, I agreed that he needn't go any more (though I said he would go to another Arabic class when he was bigger and if we found a shorter one). </p><p>So... one way or another we have spent more time together this weekend than we often do. Respite is readily available - the childminders would even take him on Sunday if I wanted - but I feel this is part of the problem. We are not together enough. But when we are it is very difficult. You know...</p><p>Oh the fantasy therapist - <strong>please</strong> send her along when you've finished with her or him!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 496044, member: 11227"] Hi Buddy and thanks for your considered response (didn't get a PM from you, by the way - must have got lost in the ether :)) Much of what you say makes sense. I know nothing, absolutely nothing, about the birth mother. And in all probability never will. She could have taken drugs and alcohol if she were a prostitute. Doubtless there is a genetic component. He spent the first three months in a creche with many other babies, left for long hours to cry unattended. His base temperament also plays a part. He is just not an easy personality - you know? As my grandmother said to me once when I was a little girl: he "kicks against the pricks". Respite.... this is partly the problem. There are two childminders that he quite often goes to on a Saturday because I just have a ridiculous amount of work much of the time. He gets on fine with them both, they seem to understand him and how he operates now. He was supposed to go yesterday but when we turned up at the door, he suddenly ran away, got into the car and refused to come out. He was very upset, saying he didn't want to go, he wouldn't go, I work all the time, he wanted to stay with me. At first I got annoyed and tried to make him go, by various means but then I thought... no, that's right, I do spend too much time away from him working (but what can you do? I am not in a position where I can turn down work). So I bit the bullet, pushed work to the background (will be working at night over the next week...), and accepted that we spend the day together. And then this afternoon, he was supposed to go to what we call Arabic class at a local mosque - two hours of reciting phrases and learning the Arabic alphabet. I do know it's very, very boring because I attended the first one. Anyway, today he began saying he didn't want to go - not having a tantrum, but talking reasonably (because we had been doing so much "work" on talking reasonably). He said it was too long, he wanted to play but they wouldn't let him play. Again, fair enough, particularly for an ADHD kid, and after an inner tussle about not letting him get his own way, I agreed that he needn't go any more (though I said he would go to another Arabic class when he was bigger and if we found a shorter one). So... one way or another we have spent more time together this weekend than we often do. Respite is readily available - the childminders would even take him on Sunday if I wanted - but I feel this is part of the problem. We are not together enough. But when we are it is very difficult. You know... Oh the fantasy therapist - [B]please[/B] send her along when you've finished with her or him! [/QUOTE]
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