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<blockquote data-quote="pepperidge" data-source="post: 496062" data-attributes="member: 2322"><p>Malika,</p><p>This is just my feeling, but I think that you have difficult child for sure, but not one that is off the charts. If it is ADHD, you will be able to tell very easily from the medications if they are helping. They might help but they also might increase aggression and some other things so it is trial and error. My gut feeling though is that what you describe is more of a kid with difficult emotional dysregulation--maybe fetal alcohol. There is some research going on in the States about emotional dysregulation--distinguishing it from bipolar and ADHD. While attachment issues may play a role, what you describe doesn't seem to be a full blown case of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Emotional dysregulation is not the same as ADHD. Nor is impulsivity. If you were in the US they might try ADH"D drugs, maybe Tenex, maybe Abilify, maybe Risperdal. But maybe it is also a blessing as he is still young and sometimes medications cause more problems then they help. </p><p></p><p>When you say he is like a two year old you are right --I think that these kids are developmentally half their chronological age. </p><p>The good news is that I think these kids can get better regulated over time. I don't have much use for therapy at this age--during sessions they can talk the talk, it is just in the moment their emotions overwhelm them. I think he would probably get just as much out of a very good sports program with a great coach--anything that tells these kids that they have skills and attributes that are valued and is somewhat of any outlet. Some sort of Occupational Therapist (OT) might actually be far more helpful --we got some great tips from an Occupational Therapist (OT) about how to involve major muscle groups etc. </p><p></p><p>Having raised two of these type of kids, to me the most difficult thing is to accept them for who they are, because the behaviors are so difficult to deal with. Wise people on this board have told me don't go borrowing trouble for the future, there is a lot of growing up left to do. Prevention is key--having clear structure, not changing the rules too much, and not making too much conditional on good behavior because there is not perfect control. You have already identified a lot of stressors and situations which only increase the emotional dysregulaton. If you do condition, find something really small that he can do 90% of the time and start with that, don't start with the big horrible stuff. Too much, build in success.</p><p></p><p> Perhaps you have some "anyway" time-can you build in walks or whatever on the weekend, and maybe you find a tv show or video or something that you watch together no matter what every night, or reading or whatever. Even if he has been bad. The last thing you want is for him to get the feeling that deep down he is a bad kid. </p><p></p><p></p><p>Again iwth his history and young age it may be difficult to come up with a diagnosis, and at this point I would be very wary of one anyway. Your job as mom right now is to try to forestall the self esteem damage that comes with the exasperation and anger and fear of raising these very difficult kids. Look for how he can be successful.</p><p></p><p>Probably a very good call to stop Arabic for right now. This is a kid who probably needs a fair amount of down time. </p><p></p><p>Sorry, i know the temper tantrum etc are hard to deal with.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="pepperidge, post: 496062, member: 2322"] Malika, This is just my feeling, but I think that you have difficult child for sure, but not one that is off the charts. If it is ADHD, you will be able to tell very easily from the medications if they are helping. They might help but they also might increase aggression and some other things so it is trial and error. My gut feeling though is that what you describe is more of a kid with difficult emotional dysregulation--maybe fetal alcohol. There is some research going on in the States about emotional dysregulation--distinguishing it from bipolar and ADHD. While attachment issues may play a role, what you describe doesn't seem to be a full blown case of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Emotional dysregulation is not the same as ADHD. Nor is impulsivity. If you were in the US they might try ADH"D drugs, maybe Tenex, maybe Abilify, maybe Risperdal. But maybe it is also a blessing as he is still young and sometimes medications cause more problems then they help. When you say he is like a two year old you are right --I think that these kids are developmentally half their chronological age. The good news is that I think these kids can get better regulated over time. I don't have much use for therapy at this age--during sessions they can talk the talk, it is just in the moment their emotions overwhelm them. I think he would probably get just as much out of a very good sports program with a great coach--anything that tells these kids that they have skills and attributes that are valued and is somewhat of any outlet. Some sort of Occupational Therapist (OT) might actually be far more helpful --we got some great tips from an Occupational Therapist (OT) about how to involve major muscle groups etc. Having raised two of these type of kids, to me the most difficult thing is to accept them for who they are, because the behaviors are so difficult to deal with. Wise people on this board have told me don't go borrowing trouble for the future, there is a lot of growing up left to do. Prevention is key--having clear structure, not changing the rules too much, and not making too much conditional on good behavior because there is not perfect control. You have already identified a lot of stressors and situations which only increase the emotional dysregulaton. If you do condition, find something really small that he can do 90% of the time and start with that, don't start with the big horrible stuff. Too much, build in success. Perhaps you have some "anyway" time-can you build in walks or whatever on the weekend, and maybe you find a tv show or video or something that you watch together no matter what every night, or reading or whatever. Even if he has been bad. The last thing you want is for him to get the feeling that deep down he is a bad kid. Again iwth his history and young age it may be difficult to come up with a diagnosis, and at this point I would be very wary of one anyway. Your job as mom right now is to try to forestall the self esteem damage that comes with the exasperation and anger and fear of raising these very difficult kids. Look for how he can be successful. Probably a very good call to stop Arabic for right now. This is a kid who probably needs a fair amount of down time. Sorry, i know the temper tantrum etc are hard to deal with. [/QUOTE]
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