8 months ago my son tried to kill himself. He spent a few days in the ICU then a few weeks in inpatient treatment followed by weeks of out patient treatment. He sees a Psychiatrist once a month for medications and a psychologist weekly for therapy. He has been diagnosed with ADHD, depression and anxiety. I struggle daily with the pain I feel of the realization he would rather be dead. He has always been a awkward kid and often the target of bullies. He struggles socially not out of shyness but rather because he is so rude and mean that no one wants to be anywhere near him. He's an ardent pessimist, out spoken atheist, and incredibly disrespectful. His teachers say he is fine in class with he exception that he's a loner. He gets good grades and behaves but rarely interacts. He stays in his room most of the time. If he graces us with his presence he is cranky, has a hair-trigger temper, and can't muster anything more than monosyllabic responses. That's his norm. And the Theres the moments when his only goal in life is to ensure I am made to feel like the dumbest person ever to walk the planet. It's to a point that I'm reduced to tears within five minutes of being around him. The power this child has to hurt me is insurmountable. My heart breaks for him everyday. My mind races with what I have done so wrong that my son has turned out this way. I wonder what I'm supposed to do now to ensure he will make it in an adult world. I want my precious sweet cuddly baby back. This 15 year old walking train wreck has worn me so thin I can't be around him without crying. It's to a point that I'm reduced to tears within five minutes of being around him. The power this child has to hurt me is insurmountable.