Tracy551 - I started a new thread for you

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by busywend, Mar 19, 2007.

  1. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Here is what you had written in another thread that someone else started. I thought you might want your replies separated.

    Oh - and love does not solve it all.


    written by Tracy551:
    "my 16 year old son was on every medication you could imagine from the age of 6. there was some difference at first but then nothing worked. we've been to doctors counselors you name it. At the age of 141/2 he became increasingly violent twards me, his brothers and then one day he put his hand thru a window because he didn't want to go to school. (15 stiches) some one at the hospital said i could contact CYS for more help. we had an in home team for about 7 months then he began to be "out of control" with them. So we ended up going to court and he was placed at a boot camp about 1 1/2 hours from home. He did very well there we talked and acculately became very close for the first time in years. He came home 8/18/06 and did well till about 1/07 then desided he didn't need scool or court ordered couseling any more. well now we're right back where we started. He's beenput in placement until an evaluation. is done and i don't know what happens after that.
    I don't know if anyone will read this or not but if there is anyone out there who has tried to love there son as much as i have and it did no good please let me know. I feel like i have failed him and my little boy hates me for doing this. I have no one to talk to about this, I can barely type this without crying.
    Did I do the right thing or what? "
     
  2. tracy551

    tracy551 New Member

    thank you I'm new at this
     
  3. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Tracy - Welcome!

    I am curious why your son has no real diagnosis yet when he has been placed 2x. What do the professionals say? Recommend? Try?
     
  4. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    Hi Tracy. Don't have much in the way of advice, as I've never been put into the situation you're in. The closest I got was when my difficult child was 10 and verbally threatened his sis in what I felt was a serious way. :crying: I told him that as his sis' mom it was my duty to protect her, even from him, and it would be the violent one that would have to be somewhere else to keep them apart. He's never threatened her that way again.

    You've done the best you can with what you have. You have to keep everyone safe at home, and try to get the help your difficult child needs as well. Sometimes that means they need to get the help other than in the home, when you've tried in the home and nothing is working. The only wrong in my opinion is not caring enough to try get your kids the help they need, where ever that ends up being. At 16, he's at the age where he's going to have to do something for himself, his choices are putting him where he is, you can no longer do it for him. He's got to make choices now that will put him on the right path to where he wants to be in life. You can give him the help he needs to get there, but he has to make the choice to stay on the path. Now what you can do is let him know you love him, and that when he makes the right choices you're there for him. Hope he gets the help he needs. Take care of yourself, take on only the things you can change. His choices are his own now, and I'm sure you've directed him what would be the right choices so it's up to him.

    Again, welcome to the site. :coffee: :smile:
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi, Tracy. Has your son EVER had a diagnosis? Who gives him the medications? Maybe he didn't see the right type of professional for evaluation (Psychiatrist with the MD). How long has it been since he was last evaluated? Unfortunately, although I don't believe for ONE SECOND that it's your fault (our kids are born this way) you only have two years in which to help him. Then he's on his own, and if he doesn't want to get evaluated or treated you can't do a thing about it. I had this eighteen year old limit with one of my daughters. Also, are you sure he isn't using illegal drugs or drinking? That only makes psychiatric/neurological problems worse. Has your son ever been tried on a mood stabilizer without any stimulants or antidepressants at the same time? First line mood stabilizers are (in my own biased order of how effective i feel they are and I"m no professional: Lamictal, Lithium, Trileptal, Depakote and Tegretal. I wish you luck. It's very hard when the kids get older. My daughter acted like she had a major psychiatric disorder and we found out, to our shock (I'm dumb this way) that she was using drugs, mostly ADHD drugs!!! She was crushing them in a pillcrusher and snorting them with her friends, alone and with things like cocaine. She has been fine since going straight, which required tough love and making her leave our house when she refused treatment at 18. Hugs to you.
     
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi Tracy,
    I feel so badly for you and your son.
    I agree, love doesn't solve everything. You can still love him, no matter what, you know... and clearly you do, or you wouldn't be crying.
    I have the same questions everyone else here does. Can we have more info?
    When do you get the evaluation?
    Why was bootcamp so successful? Any ideas? Was he on medications then?
     
  7. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Hi Tracy-
    Just wanted to welcome you and let you know we all will listen and not judge you... we have all had the same emotions and fears... this is the hardest journey I have yet to encounter! This place makes it bearable.

    Hugs
     
  8. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Just wanted to poke my head in the thread and say Welcome!
     
  9. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just adding in my welcome. My difficult child is not as old but can get very violent at times. It isn't easy-we're here for you. Hugs.
     
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