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General Parenting
tragedy, grief and the difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 73850" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>My sympathies for you, your children and your in-laws. I'm sure there are a lot of questions everyone would like answered. </p><p></p><p>My x's uncle was like a grandfather to my son. He was a shell shocked Viet-Nam vet who never really came back from the war. When my son was 5, the uncle who lived with us stuck a pistol in his mouth, left a note on the kitchen door that said Call 911 do not come in. There was no note for anyone else. </p><p></p><p>His daughter took it the hardest, she was 19 or so. She kept asking me if I saw anything which I thought was odd. Was there a lot of blood, how did he look. Belive me I didnt look. I did what the note said. And what she was looking for was to make sure that he did not suffer. I told her that he spent his life suffering except for the times he spent with her and my son. But how we couldn't imagine how badly he suffered to have to leave us so quickly. Then she asked me if I thought he went to hell. I said that it is written in the bible that we are not to take our own lives, however; there isn't anyone on this earth that could say what God decides due to the suffering that a person who takes their own life. I said God never gives us more than we can handle, and for her Father to take his own life I felt that he felt he had been given more than he could bare. I told her that decision was up to God, but I felt all the tragedy in his life would be taken into consideration in heaven. </p><p></p><p>I left it at that. It seemed to pacify her head. Older now and with 3 children, she speaks only about the good things regarding her dad and the good memories. She feels her Dad is watching her. So I would say how you handle the situation NOW could result in how your children deal with it in their lives. </p><p></p><p>Basically she wanted to know: WHY? Because of her? NO! So we recapped on dysfunctional upbringing, viet-nam and the lack of counseling - all very hard life situations. This was HIS choice though!! I don't think anyone chooses to end their life, when you are that sick the illness makes the choice for you. Did he suffer? Yes,only in life the end was so fast he never knew he was gone. HOW could he do this to me? OH you misunderstand - he did this to himself due to his illness, the best time she had were with you don't ever EVER forget that. </p><p></p><p>I think you have done a lovely job of guiding your children through an awful situation. I hope you count us as your friends to lean on when you can't stand up. I hope YOU are okay. My prayers go out to you. </p><p></p><p>Hugs & Love </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 73850, member: 4964"] My sympathies for you, your children and your in-laws. I'm sure there are a lot of questions everyone would like answered. My x's uncle was like a grandfather to my son. He was a shell shocked Viet-Nam vet who never really came back from the war. When my son was 5, the uncle who lived with us stuck a pistol in his mouth, left a note on the kitchen door that said Call 911 do not come in. There was no note for anyone else. His daughter took it the hardest, she was 19 or so. She kept asking me if I saw anything which I thought was odd. Was there a lot of blood, how did he look. Belive me I didnt look. I did what the note said. And what she was looking for was to make sure that he did not suffer. I told her that he spent his life suffering except for the times he spent with her and my son. But how we couldn't imagine how badly he suffered to have to leave us so quickly. Then she asked me if I thought he went to hell. I said that it is written in the bible that we are not to take our own lives, however; there isn't anyone on this earth that could say what God decides due to the suffering that a person who takes their own life. I said God never gives us more than we can handle, and for her Father to take his own life I felt that he felt he had been given more than he could bare. I told her that decision was up to God, but I felt all the tragedy in his life would be taken into consideration in heaven. I left it at that. It seemed to pacify her head. Older now and with 3 children, she speaks only about the good things regarding her dad and the good memories. She feels her Dad is watching her. So I would say how you handle the situation NOW could result in how your children deal with it in their lives. Basically she wanted to know: WHY? Because of her? NO! So we recapped on dysfunctional upbringing, viet-nam and the lack of counseling - all very hard life situations. This was HIS choice though!! I don't think anyone chooses to end their life, when you are that sick the illness makes the choice for you. Did he suffer? Yes,only in life the end was so fast he never knew he was gone. HOW could he do this to me? OH you misunderstand - he did this to himself due to his illness, the best time she had were with you don't ever EVER forget that. I think you have done a lovely job of guiding your children through an awful situation. I hope you count us as your friends to lean on when you can't stand up. I hope YOU are okay. My prayers go out to you. Hugs & Love Star [/QUOTE]
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