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General Parenting
tragedy, grief and the difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Big Bad Kitty" data-source="post: 75173" data-attributes="member: 3647"><p>(((hugs)))</p><p></p><p>Let me tell you a little story.</p><p></p><p>My brother in law passed on...it will be 8 years ago this October. He left behind his fiancee and a 1 year old son. My mother in law (she could put your ex's mother to shame as far as control goes) was obviously a basket case. She never much cared for the fiancee. After the funeral, any time ANYONE tried to put flowers or a candle or anything at his grave, mother in law took it away. If anyone dared spoke one word negatively about her son, that was it. She completely flipped on them. About 2 months after his death, mother in law stopped talking to my husband and me, too. She thought we were being too nice to the fiancee, and therefore we were "traitors". We did not speak to her for over 3 years.</p><p></p><p>What I realized (but not for a LOOOONG time) was that this woman outlived her son. She was hurting in a way that none of us could understand. Not his brothers, not his fiancee, not even his child. She carried and gave birth to him. And to outlive your own kid, that is just not the natural order of things. </p><p></p><p>This is very fresh for your mother in law. Her outbursts have ZERO to do with you. Absolutely ZERO. DO your very best to let them roll off your back. Keep venting here about them, or bend a friend's ear, but don't argue with her over them. I am in no way saying that she is right, but she is hurting, and you are convenient. And there is no way you could explain that to her right now. </p><p></p><p>You and your family continue to be in my prayers.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Big Bad Kitty, post: 75173, member: 3647"] (((hugs))) Let me tell you a little story. My brother in law passed on...it will be 8 years ago this October. He left behind his fiancee and a 1 year old son. My mother in law (she could put your ex's mother to shame as far as control goes) was obviously a basket case. She never much cared for the fiancee. After the funeral, any time ANYONE tried to put flowers or a candle or anything at his grave, mother in law took it away. If anyone dared spoke one word negatively about her son, that was it. She completely flipped on them. About 2 months after his death, mother in law stopped talking to my husband and me, too. She thought we were being too nice to the fiancee, and therefore we were "traitors". We did not speak to her for over 3 years. What I realized (but not for a LOOOONG time) was that this woman outlived her son. She was hurting in a way that none of us could understand. Not his brothers, not his fiancee, not even his child. She carried and gave birth to him. And to outlive your own kid, that is just not the natural order of things. This is very fresh for your mother in law. Her outbursts have ZERO to do with you. Absolutely ZERO. DO your very best to let them roll off your back. Keep venting here about them, or bend a friend's ear, but don't argue with her over them. I am in no way saying that she is right, but she is hurting, and you are convenient. And there is no way you could explain that to her right now. You and your family continue to be in my prayers. [/QUOTE]
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