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Substance Abuse
Tragic death has me a bit concerned for difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 497853" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Nancy, I am sending cyber hugs to the whole family. Suicide of even an acquaintance can be terribly painful. The Christmas break after I went away to college, a friend who was still in high school killed himself. He sent a note to a friends' apaprtment, addressed to 4 of us. It was so awful, so painful. I have always wondered if I had stayed at the local university if I could have made a difference. The "ifs" are the hardest part second only to just not having that person in your life. </p><p></p><p>I am deeply concerned for your daughter. To be honest, I am wowed and impressed with her strength to go through all she has and be where she is right now after so many losses in such a short time. This is a set of very serious blows. </p><p></p><p>I don't know if your area has visible/advertised grief therapy groups. Grief therapy is different than regular therapy, and often going through it with a group is actually more helpful, or doing group and private therapy at the same time. Esp when the death was due to suicide, in my opinion. I felt whiny when I spoke to my regular therapist. Just whiny, like here I was crying and all upset when he wasn't even breathing. The group I attended let me see that I had a lot more than 'whining' going on, and that I wasn't alone and it wasn't going to be forever. I would always miss him, but I wasn't the only one who felt that sort of pain. </p><p></p><p>here the grief groups are actually sponsored by the funeral homes. They offer space and subsidize a good therapist to lead the group. There is no fee to anyone who wants to show up, regardless of if your loved one was buried at that funeral home. groups are usually at the biggest one in town, but sometimes they will move to another funeral home is circumstances warrant. They also will let you know which tdocs do grief therapy if you don't want to attend a group.</p><p></p><p>Losing one person is a huge blow. Losing eight people, even if you didn't know them well? A blow I can only imagine. Please find some info on grief therapy and give it to her. If you know ther are fees for the therapy, it would be a really nice gesture to offer to pay for it, if you can. Not dealing with grief can hold you back from success at anything for the rest of your life. There were people in grief groups who were finally dealing with loss that had happened decades before. I found it truly scary to see how these smart, caring, warm, loving people who were really great at their jobs and hobbies kept themselves from succeeding until they dealt with their grief. They didn't feel they had earned the right to live a full successful happy life, so they did stupid things and sabotaged themselves every time they got close to any type of success no matter how small. Their lives after they worked through the grief were much better and much different because they gave themselves permission to not just be happy but also to be successful in careers, hobbies, and most importantly in my opinion, in loving others including their children.</p><p></p><p>So please, while difficult child has the supports that she has, please let her know that grief therapy exists and if you can easily find a list of groups/tdocs, it would be a very loving gift. </p><p></p><p>I am so very sorry for all of those she has cared about and lost. I do think that Sig's idea is a good one.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 497853, member: 1233"] Nancy, I am sending cyber hugs to the whole family. Suicide of even an acquaintance can be terribly painful. The Christmas break after I went away to college, a friend who was still in high school killed himself. He sent a note to a friends' apaprtment, addressed to 4 of us. It was so awful, so painful. I have always wondered if I had stayed at the local university if I could have made a difference. The "ifs" are the hardest part second only to just not having that person in your life. I am deeply concerned for your daughter. To be honest, I am wowed and impressed with her strength to go through all she has and be where she is right now after so many losses in such a short time. This is a set of very serious blows. I don't know if your area has visible/advertised grief therapy groups. Grief therapy is different than regular therapy, and often going through it with a group is actually more helpful, or doing group and private therapy at the same time. Esp when the death was due to suicide, in my opinion. I felt whiny when I spoke to my regular therapist. Just whiny, like here I was crying and all upset when he wasn't even breathing. The group I attended let me see that I had a lot more than 'whining' going on, and that I wasn't alone and it wasn't going to be forever. I would always miss him, but I wasn't the only one who felt that sort of pain. here the grief groups are actually sponsored by the funeral homes. They offer space and subsidize a good therapist to lead the group. There is no fee to anyone who wants to show up, regardless of if your loved one was buried at that funeral home. groups are usually at the biggest one in town, but sometimes they will move to another funeral home is circumstances warrant. They also will let you know which tdocs do grief therapy if you don't want to attend a group. Losing one person is a huge blow. Losing eight people, even if you didn't know them well? A blow I can only imagine. Please find some info on grief therapy and give it to her. If you know ther are fees for the therapy, it would be a really nice gesture to offer to pay for it, if you can. Not dealing with grief can hold you back from success at anything for the rest of your life. There were people in grief groups who were finally dealing with loss that had happened decades before. I found it truly scary to see how these smart, caring, warm, loving people who were really great at their jobs and hobbies kept themselves from succeeding until they dealt with their grief. They didn't feel they had earned the right to live a full successful happy life, so they did stupid things and sabotaged themselves every time they got close to any type of success no matter how small. Their lives after they worked through the grief were much better and much different because they gave themselves permission to not just be happy but also to be successful in careers, hobbies, and most importantly in my opinion, in loving others including their children. So please, while difficult child has the supports that she has, please let her know that grief therapy exists and if you can easily find a list of groups/tdocs, it would be a very loving gift. I am so very sorry for all of those she has cared about and lost. I do think that Sig's idea is a good one. [/QUOTE]
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Tragic death has me a bit concerned for difficult child
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