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Transitioning: childhood to adulthood+ - a repost
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<blockquote data-quote="KFld" data-source="post: 59974" data-attributes="member: 2442"><p>You and husband sound much like myself and my husband. I kept many things from him while difficult child was growing up because he would over react and give these outrageous punishments, where on the other hand I was much to lenient. I was always trying to protect him my husband and that only enabled him to manipulate me more. </p><p></p><p>What did it for us was intense counseling. I learned to stand back and not try to get involved with the relationship between husband and difficult child, that it was basically none of my business. I spent years trying to fix there relationship, not wanting it to be what my husband and his dads was. Once I stepped back and stopped hiding things from husband, things got much better. We learned how to get on the same page and decide between us what was the best course of action. This allowed him to become a little more lenient and me to not put up with as much crud from him. We learned to discuss things as they happened and decide between us what the consequence would be before even discussing it with him. </p><p></p><p>I think the both of you need to decide that you will no longer walk on eggshells, but that you have to come to an in between that both of you can be comfortable with on how to handle it. when a situation arises, don't make a decision right then and there. It's o.k. to tell her you will discuss it and get back to her, then do just that. Once she sees both of you as a united front it will have a much bigger impact. </p><p></p><p>My husband and my difficult child had a horrible relationship for years, but I think my husband really resented feeling like he never had a say in anything because I was always making the decisions and protecting difficult child from him. Once I learned to stop doing that, their relationship improved greatly, plus I learned to detatch and stop enabling. </p><p></p><p>Good luck!! I hope the two of you can come to some kind of solution together that works for all of you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="KFld, post: 59974, member: 2442"] You and husband sound much like myself and my husband. I kept many things from him while difficult child was growing up because he would over react and give these outrageous punishments, where on the other hand I was much to lenient. I was always trying to protect him my husband and that only enabled him to manipulate me more. What did it for us was intense counseling. I learned to stand back and not try to get involved with the relationship between husband and difficult child, that it was basically none of my business. I spent years trying to fix there relationship, not wanting it to be what my husband and his dads was. Once I stepped back and stopped hiding things from husband, things got much better. We learned how to get on the same page and decide between us what was the best course of action. This allowed him to become a little more lenient and me to not put up with as much crud from him. We learned to discuss things as they happened and decide between us what the consequence would be before even discussing it with him. I think the both of you need to decide that you will no longer walk on eggshells, but that you have to come to an in between that both of you can be comfortable with on how to handle it. when a situation arises, don't make a decision right then and there. It's o.k. to tell her you will discuss it and get back to her, then do just that. Once she sees both of you as a united front it will have a much bigger impact. My husband and my difficult child had a horrible relationship for years, but I think my husband really resented feeling like he never had a say in anything because I was always making the decisions and protecting difficult child from him. Once I learned to stop doing that, their relationship improved greatly, plus I learned to detatch and stop enabling. Good luck!! I hope the two of you can come to some kind of solution together that works for all of you. [/QUOTE]
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