Treading Carefully, but good news (I hope)

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Desperately Sad, Dec 20, 2014.

  1. Desperately Sad

    Desperately Sad New Member

    Hi There,
    I posted just over a week ago, feeling desperatly low after my difficult child son 19 decided to not come home from University for Xmas. After sending him an email, saying was his choice as an adult, but that I loved him and was here if he changed his mind. Two days later I received a text saying that he thought he would come home, and asked me if I would I pick him up from Uni, alone. He told me he didn't want to "Do" Christmas, no presents, no food, no people, and Absolutely definatly didn't want to Talk. Anyway told him that he could be, as he wished. Well Picked him up (silence all way), since then 1 week ago, I think he has spoken about 10 words to me. Sometimes he texts me from his room. Yesterday he text me and said that he had no presents for anyone, and he didn't know what to do. I text back saying people will understand, but if he wanted to the next day I was going near a store where he could buy some if he wished to come. He agreed and came with me and purchased a couple of gifts.
    Although he is still refusing professional help,( which I recommended in my email, when I thought he wasn't coming home) I at least feel that I know he is home and safe, for which I am so grateful for. Even if he spends Christmas day in his room, at least I know that he has food and shelter. I have said that he can tell me how, he wants to 'play' Christmas day, no pressure. I guess that there is little else I can do. I am REALLY trying hard to accept that it is his choice, and responsibility to help himself. He has been out a couple of times, I guess that he has seen friends (not privy to that info!) and I hear him a lot chatting on his phone, so all this I take as a positive step.

    I am hoping that by not questioning him and letting him have the space he desires, he may come to realise that I am not the enemy.
    I know that this is just one small peek in a lot of mountainous country, but for now I am grateful for small mercies.
     
  2. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Hi DS, I'm sorry you are having a tough time. Yes, it's good that he decided to come home and is safe. Please do not let him dictate how Christmas should be spent. If you want to spend it with family and friends, cooking, eating, laughing, opening gifts, etc.... then that is what YOU should do. If he chooses not to participate that is his choice.
    Yes, it is hard to accept that their choices are not always what we would like, but it is their choice. Try not to let it bring you down.
    Hugs to you and I hope you have a very Merry Christmas.
     
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  3. Desperately Sad

    Desperately Sad New Member

    Good advice tanya M, i will carry on regardless. Thank you.
     
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