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Parent Emeritus
Treating them like an adult is confusing...
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<blockquote data-quote="Sister's Keeper" data-source="post: 695225" data-attributes="member: 20051"><p>I'm of a different mind. Either you allow drinking or you don't. I don't think you can set your limits on what you think is appropriate limits on someone else. I also don't think you can tell another person over 21 that they can't drink, while you still drink.</p><p></p><p>...and with the "reminders." I'm going to tell you this from an alternate point of view. I grew up with a nag. The only thing nagging says to someone is, "I don't think you are capable of doing this on your own." It bothered me a lot being nagged. It always made me feel like my mother thought I was too stupid to do things on my own. The message you send by nagging is, "I have no confidence in you." If you want someone to grow up and take responsibility you have to allow them to do it. Nagging them to do their laundry or call this person or make that appointment is doing the exact opposite. Even into early adulthood if I was nagged about something I would put off doing it just because I was nagged.</p><p></p><p>If he doesn't do his laundry or make his appointments that hurts no one but him.</p><p></p><p>For things like house rules I would make them and make consequences for not following them. I guess that is more difficult with adults living at home. I'm guessing the only consequence is "move out."</p><p></p><p>I have little kids. Punishments are easier.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sister's Keeper, post: 695225, member: 20051"] I'm of a different mind. Either you allow drinking or you don't. I don't think you can set your limits on what you think is appropriate limits on someone else. I also don't think you can tell another person over 21 that they can't drink, while you still drink. ...and with the "reminders." I'm going to tell you this from an alternate point of view. I grew up with a nag. The only thing nagging says to someone is, "I don't think you are capable of doing this on your own." It bothered me a lot being nagged. It always made me feel like my mother thought I was too stupid to do things on my own. The message you send by nagging is, "I have no confidence in you." If you want someone to grow up and take responsibility you have to allow them to do it. Nagging them to do their laundry or call this person or make that appointment is doing the exact opposite. Even into early adulthood if I was nagged about something I would put off doing it just because I was nagged. If he doesn't do his laundry or make his appointments that hurts no one but him. For things like house rules I would make them and make consequences for not following them. I guess that is more difficult with adults living at home. I'm guessing the only consequence is "move out." I have little kids. Punishments are easier. [/QUOTE]
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Treating them like an adult is confusing...
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