Trials and headaches

[night4now]

What a two weeks weve had here! I dont even know where to start!
First, I dont know if I mentioned it, but a stray cat came and had kittens in the backseat of my car! She hasnt been seen again, and Ive been hand feeding them and have managed to save 5 of the 7. That is pretty time consuming!
Then, my best friends husband is dying. He has CHF and Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD), and weve known it was coming, but its been heart wrenching and tiring.
The middle difficult child got into it at daycare with a girl, and tricked her into touching his privates. She was new, and didnt yet know to stay away from him. Final straw. We were trying to find a nanny, someone to come and watch the two younger boys and be more active in their care, and so we stepped up the search a bit. We hired a girl, only to fire her the first day. She has guests over, and was on the phone all the time, etc. I couldnt believe it. The first stinkin day! What the hell is that about?
So we got a second girl. Young girl with a baby of her own, and she lasted two days. Her kid got a cold, and its my fault because I smoke. Not that I am around the kid to even get second hand smoke, but just cause their might be residue in the house! OMH.
At the same time the oldest difficult child has been being a jerk at summer school. He has some issues with math, and english, and there were classes availible to boost his knowledge during summer, as well as get him extra credits for school. I was shocked and appalled when his teacher called me! Despite having aspergers, he is usually a very very good kid. It seems hormones, puberty, jr high, and being nice cant all get along.
He started out being the class clown. He is like that, and even the teacher said it wasnt ad enough to warrant anything other than just ignoring him. Then he started 'napping' in class, not real naps, but jsut pretending to sleep so that he didnt have to work. Then he went to openly defying her and just staring at her when she told him to do something and just blatantly not doing it.
To top this off he was getting very agressive towards other kids there. Yelling and cussing and threatening them, for various stupid reasons. I jsut dont know what has gotten into the kid. I dont know what to do!
As for the update to the 'update to help hes sr', not much progress. DCFS is still aware of the actions of the middle one, and all innapropriate touching has been reported to his pediatrician, his therapist, his psychiatrist, his case worker. And all any of them say is 'line of sight'. I know that, people, give me something useful! There seems to be nothing anyone can do to help him. I am just as confused now as i was before. I asked the psychiatric. about the neuropsychologist, and he stated he felt that the results wouldnt help us much in his treatment or diagnosis, but we will do it anyway. May as well, right? And still, we are supposed to jsut wait til he is ten and then try to get him to a hospital....
Anyone have any reccomendations? And anything to add to helping me get the boy an IEP for this stuff?

 

[night4now]

I forgot to mention they dropped the middle ones Celexa and upped his Risperdal. Other than that, no change on that front.

 

[BusynMember]

I would do the neuropsychologist exam, but also keep him in therapy to find out if HE has been abused...that is usually, although not always, the reason why a child starts touching other kids (sigh). Take good care of yourself too.

And I know this won't help, but to this non-smoker if there is any smoke in a room, even if it is left there from the night before, it burns my eyes and lungs, so I'd try to hire a smoker next time. May help. (((Hugs)))

 

[busywend]

So, your psychiatrist does not feel that since you have BiPolar (BP), that it is possible your difficult child is BiPolar (BP)?

Are you aware of the hyper-sexual aspects of BiPolar (BP)?

 

[smallworld]

The difficult child is night4now's stepson, not her biological child.

 

[night4now]

thank you, small world.
Neither of the younger boys are mine. As far as their Bio mom will claim she is only bipolar, but with the serious drug use and her actions, I find that hard to believe.
No, the Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) seems to be a very legit diagnosis. Unfortunately, there arent any very legit treatments. They upped his Risperdal, and so far it doesnt seem to be doing much of anything.
I called BYU today to try to get him in for a neuropsychologist evaluation and they told me to call back Sept 2, as early as I could call, they are booked out til next semester, and they will usually book the whole term worth in the first day!
We also have gone thru 3 nannies so far! The first we let go because she didnt pay any attention to the kids, really. The second was just odd... and now this new girl came and took the kids to the park, and met some guys there and brought them to my house!!!! OMG, I am jsut despondant. I dont really know what to do. Keep searching for a decent nanny? Put them back in a too crowded daycare? Sigh.

 

[witzend]

What is the daycare going to do about middle difficult child abusing the new girl there? They are mandatory reporters.

 

[Sara PA]

Did they lower the Celexa for the middle one or discontinue it completely?

 

[Masta]

while waiting for byu. i would use difficult children medicaid insurance and try to get him booked in to get a neuro pysch evaluation somehow through wasatch mental health. when i had my difficult children neuro pysch done we had to go to cottonwood hospital down in slc area (we used our own ins tho).

our neuro took a total of 8hrs. they broke it up for my difficult child. (she approx 15yrs old) so they had her do it in 2 sittings of 4hrs. neuros are very expensive dunno if medicaid will pay.

 

[Christy]

Hang in there. Childcare is a nightmare for kids with behavior issues. I hope you find the right person to look after your son soon and the medications and therapy offer some hope as well.

((hugs)))
Christy

 

[katya02]

Is there a Wraparound type service available to you where you could get a number of hours per week of TSS (therapeutic staff support) help? A TSS would be one-on-one with your middle difficult child and would be able to supervise closely to avoid more acting out in the daycare. We went through a few TSS's and, while they weren't as well educated as I would have hoped, they were more informed than the average nanny or babysitter. Plus they reported back to the doctor and team each week and got feedback and suggestions that way. I would also recommend the book 'When Love is Not Enough: A Guide to Parenting Children with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)' by Nancy Thomas. It is right on in its advice, just a great book. It helped me a lot with difficult child, even though he wasn't formally diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) (one doctor did think that was his diagnosis, however). It might give you some support while you wait for evaluations etc.

 

[TerryJ2]

Holy cow, you have a lot on your plate.
I wish I had some advice ... I'm thinking that despite your nanny problems, you need to keep your 7-yr-old difficult child at home until you get the sexual activity under control. I'm glad you found nannies that fast, but on the other hand, I'm wondering how you did it that fast and what sort of interviewing process you're going through. Are you running an ad or answering other people's ads, or using a svc?
You've already gotten some good advice here.
Take care.

 

[night4now]

Oh where to start...
I talked to the girls parents (who were very upset at the thought that their daughter did this, when really it wasnt her fault) and other than that, I dont know what the parents and/or (now prior) daycare provider will do.
The celexa got dropped completely. The psychiatrist felt that it didnt help enough to warrant its continued use. Now just the .5 mg risperdal twice daily.
While supposedly waiting for BYU, I have been calling around. First, Medicaid wont pay for it at all. Secondly only one hospital is approved on my ins. and so I called them and its also a 2 months waiting list. Sigh.
I changed his therapist again. The last one had a big mouth, and would talk about him to others, which really upset me. I also wasnt really comfortable around him. I met with his next new therapist, and she seems good. Supposedly she has the most experience of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and SR kids at wasatch, and I had a nice long talk with her. First off she said we need to be 'meaner'. He knows his behaior is wrong, and just chooses to ignore this, and that it has to be the same punishment every time, no matter how big or little the lie, etc. This is already something I believe. Our job as a parent is to make them ready for life... I cant jsut tell my boss no and scream and yell and get out of working... he cant do that in life either. Secondly she said, suprise suprise, that kids with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) frequently grow up to be psychopaths and sociopaths. I knew this, but its still discouraging to hear. She is aware of another program in the area, although not funded by the state so very expensive, that she is looking into. Thirdly, she assured me that I am doing more for the boy than most parents would, and that made me feel nice. I try. It jsut seems to no avail.
I advertised, and found quite a few potential candidates for nannnies when I did. I have the benefit of having someone in the family that can do background checks for me, and all came clean, nationwide. The problem is either they are too immature, or just to scared off by the kids. I dont blame them. Sometimes they still scare me off, and I love the little brats.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Wow, you are dealing with a ton.

I wonder if you should search for older nannies? Not so old that they can't keep up with the kids, but old enough not to be bringing guys around?