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<blockquote data-quote="Allan-Matlem" data-source="post: 370543" data-attributes="member: 10"><p>Hi,</p><p>You speak of 2 issues - household chores - keeping his room tidy and finding ways to calm down or chill out . in my humble opinion we need to try and solve the problems or avoid the triggers by getting his input.</p><p></p><p>I have noticed when I ask you to go to your room and chill out , you go but you express a lot of anger and frustration , what's up ?</p><p></p><p>try to help him get his concerns or take on the table and then you put your concerns - safety and him being able to calm down and get his needed met in appropriate ways</p><p></p><p>the message I think we should be giving is that this is not about punishment or time out but just a way for people to calm down , chill out and regroup , maybe together you could think of something that he would find helpful to help himself calm down You can ask him if he wants you to be around or to be alone .</p><p></p><p>with younger kids usually a comfort corner helps , maybe for him find a distraction that will calm him - a favorite book , some music , a computer game etc</p><p></p><p>chores - i find for some kids helping , chores etc comes naturally while others it is a developmental delay. My attitude is to try and talk about the home and family and the value in keeping a room tidy etc talking meaning we direct the conversation with questions and focus on listening to your child. What helps is to give household chores an association of fun and help him . Some kids need also help with ' executive functions ' - how to sequential planning and organizing - sometimes lists and directions helps. In general lists and schedules made in collaboration with kids help a lot - it is not you that is giving orders , we are just following the list</p><p></p><p>My general feeling about keeping the home tidy is - if this is what I want for my home , then I must rely on myself and be prepared to do it alone by myself . This liberates me emotionally from thoughts - he should be , he shouldn't do etc and makes me more relaxed to be creative in fostering cooperation and helping the kid.</p><p></p><p>The real focus should be on the one on one connecting and chatting , perpective taking and goals for the family and himself and finding solutions to problems in a proactive friendly way.</p><p></p><p>it is not easy . To sum up - Instead of sending your kid to his room , maybe come up with a better plan , also you can suggest that you will also do something to calm down or even go to your room. About chores - we are not forcing him but want to hear what he would like to do most out of the following . Also to focus on what type of kid do I want to be , does helping/not helping express this , also what does he think about the relationship between him and the family members</p><p></p><p>I hope this helps</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Allan-Matlem, post: 370543, member: 10"] Hi, You speak of 2 issues - household chores - keeping his room tidy and finding ways to calm down or chill out . in my humble opinion we need to try and solve the problems or avoid the triggers by getting his input. I have noticed when I ask you to go to your room and chill out , you go but you express a lot of anger and frustration , what's up ? try to help him get his concerns or take on the table and then you put your concerns - safety and him being able to calm down and get his needed met in appropriate ways the message I think we should be giving is that this is not about punishment or time out but just a way for people to calm down , chill out and regroup , maybe together you could think of something that he would find helpful to help himself calm down You can ask him if he wants you to be around or to be alone . with younger kids usually a comfort corner helps , maybe for him find a distraction that will calm him - a favorite book , some music , a computer game etc chores - i find for some kids helping , chores etc comes naturally while others it is a developmental delay. My attitude is to try and talk about the home and family and the value in keeping a room tidy etc talking meaning we direct the conversation with questions and focus on listening to your child. What helps is to give household chores an association of fun and help him . Some kids need also help with ' executive functions ' - how to sequential planning and organizing - sometimes lists and directions helps. In general lists and schedules made in collaboration with kids help a lot - it is not you that is giving orders , we are just following the list My general feeling about keeping the home tidy is - if this is what I want for my home , then I must rely on myself and be prepared to do it alone by myself . This liberates me emotionally from thoughts - he should be , he shouldn't do etc and makes me more relaxed to be creative in fostering cooperation and helping the kid. The real focus should be on the one on one connecting and chatting , perpective taking and goals for the family and himself and finding solutions to problems in a proactive friendly way. it is not easy . To sum up - Instead of sending your kid to his room , maybe come up with a better plan , also you can suggest that you will also do something to calm down or even go to your room. About chores - we are not forcing him but want to hear what he would like to do most out of the following . Also to focus on what type of kid do I want to be , does helping/not helping express this , also what does he think about the relationship between him and the family members I hope this helps [/QUOTE]
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