Trip to therapist was h*ll but at least difficult child went

[TerryJ2]

OMG, what a morning. difficult child did not want to go to the therapist, pitched a fit, so when he disappeared upstairs, I bundled up all of his Xbox or whatever it is, locked it in my office, and told him that he could get in the car, go to the appointment, and have his things returned when he got home, or if he really didn't want to go today, he could make his own appointment any time he wished, and after that appointment, he could have his things back.
He finally showed up in the car, SLAMMED the door so loudly my ears rang, and ranted all the way. Everything in the world became my fault. And it turns out he saw me typing "I can't wait until difficult child goes to camp" so he blamed that on me and said he felt unloved. husband called and said he was already there, and I told him that he could take difficult child home because I'd had enough (I didn't know if I could control the car.) difficult child screamed at that, too, yelling, "THAT's what I mean. You just hand me off!!!" (It's hard to feel sympathy for someone whose volume level is totally out of control, Know what I mean??) He insisted he was not going to say a word during the entire appointment.
So when we got into the therapist's office, difficult child zoomed in ahead of me and when I got to the front desk, the therapist's wife beckoned me over and said, "I've never seen him like that b4!" I said, "That's the real difficult child." She held my hand through the sliding glass window.
husband was already in the room, and it turned out that difficult child had already started talking. Well, kudos to him.
It did get better. I decided to take difficult child to B&N to buy a book, because I want him off of the computer games. Plus, if I volunteered to drive, it would prove that I love him (or something ... I think ...)
difficult child was just fine, babbling on about book plots, especially into stories about the Soviet Union invading Afghanistan, and a fiction story about Ahmadinijad nuking his own city (he hides in a bunker underground) and blames it on the U.S. ... all very interesting some other time when my heart isn't still racing and I'm not dabbing my eyes with-tissues. (Although if that really happened AND I had to take care of difficult child, I'd jump off a bridge!)
I am totally exhausted. I'm supposed to be doing 4 or 5 things today and all I want to do is go back to bed.
He sucks the life right out of me.
Thanks for listening.

 

[Andy]

Wow! Very nice move with the X-Box! How long of a ride from home to therapist's do you have? I would be tempted to have husband come get difficult child from home next time. As hard as it was this morning, having the therapist see him in this stage is very good. That is why difficult child didn't want to go - he was in his not so nice mood and didn't want his therapist to see him like that. I know my difficult child doesn't like his therapist to see certain ugly sides of him. I usually type up a page of stuff to submit at each visit (every 3 months now) of what has happened since the last visit that I believe difficult child needs to work on. I write in an objective way - showing no blame, etc., just stating facts of how I saw things happening. difficult child reads it on the way there and has had several times where he will take a pen/pencil and cross off stuff I have written, "therapist doesn't need to know about that. It will not happen again!" Usually just having difficult child see it in writing helps him register the importance of the events and his actions. I will usually allow that part to be off the record for that time and let him know that if it does happen again it will be put back on. There have been a few things that I have overridden and therapist gets to know about rather difficult child likes it or not. difficult child has even surprised me a few times by not asking that something get crossed off that I thought he would be upset about. We have a 1 hr drive to our therapist so I need to try extremely hard sometimes not to get difficult child to refuse. Only once has he tempted to refuse to go.

 

[Steely]

Oh sooo many hugs.....I have been there so many times your post is like a recording of times past. There are times I literally wanted to open the car door and push him out - how bad is that?
And then my embarrassment at the doctors office - epic.
I am glad at least your receptionist was loving.
The kicker is always that once it is all over they are like "hey - whats up - how cool is this book - life is awesome - can I get a smoothie? I love you Mom."
SIGH..................................

 

[Wiped Out]

((((hugs)))) I can so totally relate. I love your X-Box idea-you handled that very well! Steely is right, how quickly they shift-ARGH!

 

[TerryJ2]

Thank you.
I'm still wiped out, and I slept for 3 hrs.
Yeah, difficult child is fine. Like nothing ever happened.
Andy, writing "I can't wait ..." had nothing to do with-the therapist. I have no idea what difficult child is even talking about, because I would not include that on a list of things to talk about with-therapist. I would, however, type it in here, and type it to my sister, so maybe that's what he saw. Anyway, the point it, he saw it and was hurt.

Right now, I'd love to move to another city (like Malika) but to get away from everyone and everything, not just the judgmental, cranky neighbors who don't have a clue. I am exhausted, angry and resentful.

 

[TerryJ2]

Oh, I forgot to say, it's a 15-20 min. drive.
Compared to some of the others on this board, it's short. But it was enough to do me in for the rest of the day.

 

[Andy]

15 - 20 minutes of torture is way exhausting! Especially in a moving vehicle that you are driving and the stress started way before the car started! Yes, I know you didn't write the statement to the therapist. Cranky judgemental neighbors just add to the stress. I would love to know what a certain neighbor of mine is telling people about difficult child. She has already made it clear that he is disrespectful to ALL adults (not true - just her) She will be hard pressed to find someone who knows him to agree with her. Our problem is that she knew him through his nightmare years and believes he is still doing the nasty things he did 3 years ago. She is so against everything that I have allowed difficult child to do because she doesn't want her son (3 months younger) doing those things and because our discipline styles are so different ofcourse I am not raising my son right - no wonder he will end up in legal trouble some day! (her thoughts). We live different lives with different lifestyles - of course difficult child will be doing things differently. However, the trouble comes when her son wants to be like difficult child and is not allowed to so I get to suffer the judgments from her.

I know you have very hard days at times. You do have great ideas on how to get through them and I see a strength in you to stand up to the decisions you have made (like keeping the X-Box until after the appointment). I admire your strength and choices you make to get throught the difficult days like today. Those of us who have lived through moments and hours and days like that know that many experts don't have a clue on how intense life can get. Did therapist say anything about difficult child's mood today? Something like, "Oh, now I see a little better what you are dealing with!"? I wish your neighbors didn't make you feel like you were being judged so often. They don't have a clue what a great mom you are. You really are!

 

[HaoZi]

I'm always (somewhat) glad when Kiddo's vehicle tantrums only involve volume. She's got some volume on her to be sure, but her ears will only take so much from the radio. It's when she escalates into kicking, unbuckling, unlocking the door, etc., that I seriously come unglued in the car.
Pretty much no one really gets how draining difficult children are to deal with outside of here. They think they do, but they only have a glimmer at best.
Hope tomorrow is better for you.

 

[TerryJ2]

Today is better.
difficult child did not kick anything in the car ... this time. I am hoping he has outgrown that. I still have stains on the ceiling and dashboard, no matter how much I scrub, from the time he squeezed and threw his juice.
Today difficult child said "NO!" a million times to his chores, but when I walked away, he eventually did a few things ... brought up some of his clean laundry, did a page of math (summer workbook from the teacher store), and showed me how to use a flash drive. (I know, I live in a cave! )

I really want him to go for a walk with-me but he's really being stubborn about that.

Today when I went to the dentist, and later, when I got my chiro adjustment, both of the therapists asked how difficult child was and added, "Camp is only a few days away!" Spoken by true moms! But I cringed when they said it, just remembering difficult child's reaction yesterday.

Can't get rid of this tension headache but it will go away, eventually.