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General Parenting
Troubled 13yo from tough background is extremely defiant
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<blockquote data-quote="orcaauntie" data-source="post: 456865" data-attributes="member: 12721"><p>Thank you so much for the reply. My mom I think speaks to a counselor. I will check with her to be sure. I know she said she has gone to a counselor WITH my niece before. As for my Sister/Mom- we had counselors, one that came to our house and took us places as well as one we visited in her office, together. </p><p>As for "shaking things up"- can you suggest anything? My worry is that my Mom is facilitating the same tactics she used with my sister which did not work. Not that they are wrong, they just didn't work for her. Any suggestions are welcome. </p><p>The biggest issue is consistency, and threatening and not following through. There will be threats to delete FB, take away the phone, etc. Either it doesn't happen, or does for a week, then she gets it back because of good behavior. Then she returns to the same bad behavior shortly after. </p><p>Do you recommend we strip her of all privileges? I've suggested to my mom that once she gets access to her profile she should either disable it (as long as she can get to her email account too because it won't work otherwise), or change the login email and password so that only my Mom has access to it, and can let her log in under her watch, and for a limited period of time. Same goes for computers- make it so they have password only access and only my Mom has the password. Or, I told her to block Facebook.com altogether. I have no idea what is best. I also suggested she block the internet on my niece's cell phone (rather than take it away altogether, as to not shock her). I worry if we try too much at one time it will shock her and she will just be worse.</p><p></p><p>My father- not sure of the details, I just know that he was just bad... very bad. I think he has bi-polar, which my sister also was diagnosed with long ago. We had contact off and on, I remember my letters being "returned- undeliverable" because he'd always move. I'd get a random birthday card every few years. I've heard him say mean things about my (now deceased :[ ) grandmother. He called my house once and I let the answering machine pick up. I heard him say the mean things and I picked up the phone and said "Excused me?" and he said "Oh, hi honey", I said "Don't honey me!".. My sister never had the guts to do that. I think she always suffered some issues because of my biological father. I was younger so maybe it was easier for me to not care.. My mother and father divorced before I was 1. My stepfather has been there since I was between 1 and 2 years old. He is my father. With everything we went through with him, and my sister- it is amazing that I turned out what I'll call "normal", and everyone tells me that.</p><p></p><p>And good point about FB and the no contact order. I bet my Mom can file a motion or something. She has proof that they became "FB friends", because it's on my niece's wall. My sister has both myself and my Mom blocked- so we can't see, but others can, so we saw it and I have it saved to a file. </p><p></p><p>Thank you for the book suggestion. I've looked into the book because I saw it posted on these forums. I think I will order a copy for myself and my Mom. Thanks again- I sincerely appreciate it!!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="orcaauntie, post: 456865, member: 12721"] Thank you so much for the reply. My mom I think speaks to a counselor. I will check with her to be sure. I know she said she has gone to a counselor WITH my niece before. As for my Sister/Mom- we had counselors, one that came to our house and took us places as well as one we visited in her office, together. As for "shaking things up"- can you suggest anything? My worry is that my Mom is facilitating the same tactics she used with my sister which did not work. Not that they are wrong, they just didn't work for her. Any suggestions are welcome. The biggest issue is consistency, and threatening and not following through. There will be threats to delete FB, take away the phone, etc. Either it doesn't happen, or does for a week, then she gets it back because of good behavior. Then she returns to the same bad behavior shortly after. Do you recommend we strip her of all privileges? I've suggested to my mom that once she gets access to her profile she should either disable it (as long as she can get to her email account too because it won't work otherwise), or change the login email and password so that only my Mom has access to it, and can let her log in under her watch, and for a limited period of time. Same goes for computers- make it so they have password only access and only my Mom has the password. Or, I told her to block Facebook.com altogether. I have no idea what is best. I also suggested she block the internet on my niece's cell phone (rather than take it away altogether, as to not shock her). I worry if we try too much at one time it will shock her and she will just be worse. My father- not sure of the details, I just know that he was just bad... very bad. I think he has bi-polar, which my sister also was diagnosed with long ago. We had contact off and on, I remember my letters being "returned- undeliverable" because he'd always move. I'd get a random birthday card every few years. I've heard him say mean things about my (now deceased :[ ) grandmother. He called my house once and I let the answering machine pick up. I heard him say the mean things and I picked up the phone and said "Excused me?" and he said "Oh, hi honey", I said "Don't honey me!".. My sister never had the guts to do that. I think she always suffered some issues because of my biological father. I was younger so maybe it was easier for me to not care.. My mother and father divorced before I was 1. My stepfather has been there since I was between 1 and 2 years old. He is my father. With everything we went through with him, and my sister- it is amazing that I turned out what I'll call "normal", and everyone tells me that. And good point about FB and the no contact order. I bet my Mom can file a motion or something. She has proof that they became "FB friends", because it's on my niece's wall. My sister has both myself and my Mom blocked- so we can't see, but others can, so we saw it and I have it saved to a file. Thank you for the book suggestion. I've looked into the book because I saw it posted on these forums. I think I will order a copy for myself and my Mom. Thanks again- I sincerely appreciate it!!!! [/QUOTE]
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