Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Troubled 13yo from tough background is extremely defiant
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="keista" data-source="post: 456882" data-attributes="member: 11965"><p>It's highly likely that your niece is also bipolar. What appears to be ADHD may in fact be manifestations of bipolar, or it could be both. Since BiPolar (BP) has a very strong genetic component, your mom should explore this possibility and medicate appropriately.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Your mom does need to practice and enforce her follow through. If she's not going to follow through, then don't make the threat. A easy child will think "WOW! I don't want her to get that mad at me again and ground me, so I'll behave" A difficult child thinks more like, "Whew! The coast is clear now so I can go back to my x,y,z behavior."</p><p></p><p>With younger kids it's much easier to let many things slide to <strong>avoid</strong> negative behavior (not to be confused with indulging negative behavior). This isn't done to spoil a child, but to keep reinforcing all the positives, and then hopefully as the child gets older, the desire for positives will be strong enough to, at least most times, self motivate to positive behavior. Starting at teen years, it's more difficult to let things slide, because suddenly there is so much more at stake.</p><p></p><p>By "letting things slide" I mean the actual confrontation. ex: I tell the girls to clean their room, and they refuse, and go into meltdowns and tantrums the more I push. One request ended up in two negative reactions - the refusal and the meltdowns. If I back off on demanding a clean room, they get "their way" - not having to clean - but I have also avoided the meltdown. Eventually, the room does have to get cleaned up, so If I participate in the cleaning process, they see that I'm willing to put in the time to share in their struggle. As they are getting older, they are more often able to independently clean up their room. We've also found that we can trade jobs. I'll clean their room if they hang ALL the laundry. </p><p></p><p>It's very much a "pick your battles" kind of thing. And although this seems like a very general example, it is actually very specific. There's something about cleaning up their room that is inherently difficult for them. The other day they cleaned the bathroom (except the giant mess on the counter top) with no problem - including scrubbing the floor grout with a toothbrush. So, they can clean, they aren't lazy, but have a real problem with big messes - even if they made them.</p><p></p><p>Your mom needs to try and identify REAL weaknesses and gently work on them, while identifying strengths and exploiting those. Not an easy undertaking.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="keista, post: 456882, member: 11965"] It's highly likely that your niece is also bipolar. What appears to be ADHD may in fact be manifestations of bipolar, or it could be both. Since BiPolar (BP) has a very strong genetic component, your mom should explore this possibility and medicate appropriately. Your mom does need to practice and enforce her follow through. If she's not going to follow through, then don't make the threat. A easy child will think "WOW! I don't want her to get that mad at me again and ground me, so I'll behave" A difficult child thinks more like, "Whew! The coast is clear now so I can go back to my x,y,z behavior." With younger kids it's much easier to let many things slide to [B]avoid[/B] negative behavior (not to be confused with indulging negative behavior). This isn't done to spoil a child, but to keep reinforcing all the positives, and then hopefully as the child gets older, the desire for positives will be strong enough to, at least most times, self motivate to positive behavior. Starting at teen years, it's more difficult to let things slide, because suddenly there is so much more at stake. By "letting things slide" I mean the actual confrontation. ex: I tell the girls to clean their room, and they refuse, and go into meltdowns and tantrums the more I push. One request ended up in two negative reactions - the refusal and the meltdowns. If I back off on demanding a clean room, they get "their way" - not having to clean - but I have also avoided the meltdown. Eventually, the room does have to get cleaned up, so If I participate in the cleaning process, they see that I'm willing to put in the time to share in their struggle. As they are getting older, they are more often able to independently clean up their room. We've also found that we can trade jobs. I'll clean their room if they hang ALL the laundry. It's very much a "pick your battles" kind of thing. And although this seems like a very general example, it is actually very specific. There's something about cleaning up their room that is inherently difficult for them. The other day they cleaned the bathroom (except the giant mess on the counter top) with no problem - including scrubbing the floor grout with a toothbrush. So, they can clean, they aren't lazy, but have a real problem with big messes - even if they made them. Your mom needs to try and identify REAL weaknesses and gently work on them, while identifying strengths and exploiting those. Not an easy undertaking. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Troubled 13yo from tough background is extremely defiant
Top