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Troubled 13yo from tough background is extremely defiant
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 457065" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I haven't read all the posts, but have a few thoughts. First, is to also read "Parenting your teen with love and logic". Teens are strange. I would also have your mom speak to difficult child's doctor about the depo shot for birth control - probably NOT with difficult child in the room. The pill is not greatly effective in teens simply because it has to be taken at about the same time every day - a variance of a few hours can make the difference in baby or no baby. The depo shot works for three months.</p><p></p><p>Be aware that difficult child is probably getting onto the internet at school. School will give a big song and dance about how the teachers cannot teach her if she has no internet access. IT is a big load of bull. WE got through school and got educated with-o the internet. Books still exist. So the teachers have to give different assignments to difficult child. Tough nookies. I am the child of teachers and watched my father do varied lessons for kids from five or more grades behind to college level all while having maybe one computer or two in his room - ones HE bought. Most of the kids he did varied lessons for had NO ieps and he still managed - for decades - and he did those grades for kids in jr high. NOT high school. Jr high. So your mom needs to tell the school that she is revoking permission for niece to have internet access until she is 18, emancipated legally or earns the privilege with good grades and behavior.</p><p></p><p>School will tell you they have filters. Took my son less than two weeks of class time to get through the filter - in a basic keyboarding class. Idiot teacher told the kids that if anyone could get through the filter they were so good that she would give them an A in the class for the semester. Being VERY literal, my difficult child took her at her word. And then having gotten through the filter, did what the guys around him wanted and pulled up porn. Yup. trouble. But the teacher had just as much because she told us and even had her little "joke" about the filters (she said she was "joking" when seh offered the A) put into a paper she handed out at open house - that I kept because I KNEW this woudl happen. </p><p></p><p>Is it possible for your mother to simply lock up the computer at home and keep difficult child supervised most of the time? WIth bad behavior/attitude/grades, surely she doesn't need to be going anywhere?</p><p></p><p>Also, has she been thoroughly evaluated by a neuropsychologist for LDs and mental illness/personality disorders/whatever? That can be a huge help.</p><p></p><p>Your mom also needs to come and read here, even if she isn't comfortable with posting. The support here is a real lifeline when you are drowning in a crisis with a difficult child!</p><p></p><p>Welcome to you and your mom - those kids are lucky to have you both!</p><p></p><p>Oh, by the way, it IS possible and sometimes needed to send a child to residential therapy or therapeutic foster care. I know you don't want to split the kids up, but if the older one is a bad influence or is abusing the other kids, it may be needed. Sometimes it also lets the difficult child get the intense attention they need.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 457065, member: 1233"] I haven't read all the posts, but have a few thoughts. First, is to also read "Parenting your teen with love and logic". Teens are strange. I would also have your mom speak to difficult child's doctor about the depo shot for birth control - probably NOT with difficult child in the room. The pill is not greatly effective in teens simply because it has to be taken at about the same time every day - a variance of a few hours can make the difference in baby or no baby. The depo shot works for three months. Be aware that difficult child is probably getting onto the internet at school. School will give a big song and dance about how the teachers cannot teach her if she has no internet access. IT is a big load of bull. WE got through school and got educated with-o the internet. Books still exist. So the teachers have to give different assignments to difficult child. Tough nookies. I am the child of teachers and watched my father do varied lessons for kids from five or more grades behind to college level all while having maybe one computer or two in his room - ones HE bought. Most of the kids he did varied lessons for had NO ieps and he still managed - for decades - and he did those grades for kids in jr high. NOT high school. Jr high. So your mom needs to tell the school that she is revoking permission for niece to have internet access until she is 18, emancipated legally or earns the privilege with good grades and behavior. School will tell you they have filters. Took my son less than two weeks of class time to get through the filter - in a basic keyboarding class. Idiot teacher told the kids that if anyone could get through the filter they were so good that she would give them an A in the class for the semester. Being VERY literal, my difficult child took her at her word. And then having gotten through the filter, did what the guys around him wanted and pulled up porn. Yup. trouble. But the teacher had just as much because she told us and even had her little "joke" about the filters (she said she was "joking" when seh offered the A) put into a paper she handed out at open house - that I kept because I KNEW this woudl happen. Is it possible for your mother to simply lock up the computer at home and keep difficult child supervised most of the time? WIth bad behavior/attitude/grades, surely she doesn't need to be going anywhere? Also, has she been thoroughly evaluated by a neuropsychologist for LDs and mental illness/personality disorders/whatever? That can be a huge help. Your mom also needs to come and read here, even if she isn't comfortable with posting. The support here is a real lifeline when you are drowning in a crisis with a difficult child! Welcome to you and your mom - those kids are lucky to have you both! Oh, by the way, it IS possible and sometimes needed to send a child to residential therapy or therapeutic foster care. I know you don't want to split the kids up, but if the older one is a bad influence or is abusing the other kids, it may be needed. Sometimes it also lets the difficult child get the intense attention they need. [/QUOTE]
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