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General Parenting
Troubled 13yo from tough background is extremely defiant
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 457782" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>She's probably too old for SuperNanny anyway. It's more a Dr Phil situation, and I suspect if it ever got to air, Dr Phil would be ranting about the need for consistency and following through. It really does make a huge difference. Letting things slide - yes, we need to pick our battles, but we also need to have our lines in the sand marked firmly and clearly, and with consequences for stepping over them. Where you allow leeway and pick your battles determines where the line is drawn in the sand. But once it is drawn, you have to follow through. So draw carefully!</p><p></p><p>I can't advise on the merits of her getting a job vs staying with you. Too many cultural differences. It might be worth considering, however. Discuss it with her. She needs to be involved in a lot of what is happening, she needs to know that the no contact order with her mother is not imposed by yo guys, but by the courts. I would even tell her what she needs to do if she disagrees with the court. She needs to know that she has rights too, and that the courts aren't being nasty but are in fact trying to keep her safe. I suspect she feels very much out of options, as if everyone else is telling her how to live her life right at an age when they think they can handle it all. She needs to be allowed to try and maybe fail, in order to learn for herself. She can't be shielded from reality, I suspect she needs to embrace it.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 457782, member: 1991"] She's probably too old for SuperNanny anyway. It's more a Dr Phil situation, and I suspect if it ever got to air, Dr Phil would be ranting about the need for consistency and following through. It really does make a huge difference. Letting things slide - yes, we need to pick our battles, but we also need to have our lines in the sand marked firmly and clearly, and with consequences for stepping over them. Where you allow leeway and pick your battles determines where the line is drawn in the sand. But once it is drawn, you have to follow through. So draw carefully! I can't advise on the merits of her getting a job vs staying with you. Too many cultural differences. It might be worth considering, however. Discuss it with her. She needs to be involved in a lot of what is happening, she needs to know that the no contact order with her mother is not imposed by yo guys, but by the courts. I would even tell her what she needs to do if she disagrees with the court. She needs to know that she has rights too, and that the courts aren't being nasty but are in fact trying to keep her safe. I suspect she feels very much out of options, as if everyone else is telling her how to live her life right at an age when they think they can handle it all. She needs to be allowed to try and maybe fail, in order to learn for herself. She can't be shielded from reality, I suspect she needs to embrace it. Marg [/QUOTE]
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