Troubled teen and young adult

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by koolk, Mar 9, 2013.

  1. koolk

    koolk New Member

    Hi, I am new to this forum but am looking for some insight into how to deal with a few problems I am having with my 18 year old son. My biggest concern is he is smoking marijuana on a daily basis to the point where I will come home from work and smell it in the house. The other day he was smoking before school. He knows I am totally against it, don't want his younger brother exposed to it, but still continues to smoke it. He will come home and I will smell it on him and his eyes will be so stoned but when I confront him he denies it. He spends most of his time in his room or going out with his friends. The only time he has friends over is if my husband or I aren't home. I don't really know any of his friends anymore. The only time he has time for me is to ask me for money which I deny him because I don't want to feed his habit. Every time I try to bring the subject up with my husband he gets very defensive. Says he just wants to get him through the school year and then kick him out of the house. He gets very angry at me and doesn't want to talk about it, so that's why I am using this forum. I also don't agree with my husband giving him $5 for lunch everyday or giving him cigarettes whenever he wants one. I try to encourage my son to get a job, but he would rather play playstation or hang with his friends while getting stoned. It just seems like he is zoning out of life and he also takes prescribed medications for anxiety and depression, so don't know what type of effect that has with pot. I don't know what I should do at this point. Have tried to send him to crisis by police, but he just signs himself out. Not sure if he would go to therapy. He's 18 so it makes it hard if he doesn't want to, he doesn't have to. But I cannot go through life with this happening in my house and seeing him go downhill.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there.
    You may have more luck posting on either Substance Abuse or Parent Emeritus as this particular forum is mostly for people with younger children. I actually have had a daughter who abused drugs though. We thought it was only pot too, but it was a lot more than pot. Does your son steal from you at all or sell his things? These are signs of greater drug use than just pot. So are terrible rages and moodswings. They can be mistaken for a mood disorder. My daughter was diagnosed with bipolar, but she has been clean now for about ten years and clearly isn't bipolar. That was just due to the drugs making her wacky.
    in my opinion if he uses drugs and makes no plans for his life and disregards your wishes, your husband is right to want him to leave when he graduates. in my opinion he will not stop the course of his life if he has a warm and fuzzy home to do drugs in, no real reason to work, and money from Dad. I would never give a kid who uses drugs lunch money. He can bring a lunch from home. I'm thinking husband is just biding time until he can pack his bags and I really can't blame him. You do have other kids who are watching what he does.

    If he is eighteen and doesn't want to change, you can't change him. If he doesn't want help, you can't try to help him. It is very hard to watch, but there isn't a whole lot you can do except try to take good care of yourself and your other children and your husband and maybe go to an Al-Anon or Narc-Anon meeting to get moral support in real time, face-to-face. Let your son know that you are there for him if he wants help, but that you will not enable his self-destruction. Lots of talk about detachment goes on on the substance abuse and parent emeritus sites because after seventeen the kids are out of our legal control.

    You may want to try another forum. Welcome to t he board. Sorry you had to come here though.
  3. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    I also wanted to say welcome. Sorry I don't have anything helpful to say.
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Adding my welcome. Many of us have lived through the same type of problems and you surely have my sympathy. I suggest that you post on the Substance Abuse section of our Board. You will hear from many parents who have the battle scars from the same circumstances. Of course, lol, you are welcome to post anywhere but the response will be better on S.A. Glad you found us. Hugs DDD
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hi. welcome! I don't parent with this issue, but wanted to welcome you. Any way to drug test him? ( by surprise)

    There are many who can relate here, you can copy/ paste this into the SA forum too.

    We will all be here to support you. Hope you come back often!