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Substance Abuse
Trust..and illusive beast
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 430880" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I think you need to pay attention to those red flags and your instincts. At this point she has not earned the right to your trust or to have a room she can easily sneak out of, or to return to her old surroundings. Is she supposed to be leaving Residential Treatment Center (RTC) soon? Not asking these things in a session with her therapist is a HUGE red flag, in my opinion. It says to me that she may be aware that the therapist would not think they were good ideas, so she is trying to get you to think they are okay and tell the therapist that they are. Make sure that ANY plans are worked out with the therapist and that you have spoken privately with the therapist to let her know your thoughts and to get hers. The therapist may think these are good ideas or not. </p><p></p><p>I do NOT think agreeing to go off birth control is a good idea for any female difficult child. The consequences of not using birth control are just too permanent and involve a whole other person plus create major changes in the lives of her entire family - largely because you will be doing a LOT of the care of a grandhcild born to her now or in the next few years, at least financially. Changing medications, even going with an implant or the depo shot would be a far better choice. Just amke sure that you actually take her for the shot or the yearly update or whatever so she doesn't let it lapse. I can see not wanting to take a medication that makes your stomach hurt, but the idea of not having sex until marriage is just too unrealistic. Few who have had sex as teens, esp as difficult child teens, can really abstain until they are married. HEck, every single girl that said that she would be a virgin on her wedding night ended up being preg before getting married as a teen. At least at my school. Those who said they were not sure, but would make sure to use birth control were FAR more likely to not get preg in high school or the first year or two of college. It just is not a realistic goal.</p><p></p><p>Did she have her own room in another part of the house or share iwth a sibling? I can see that sharing a room might be hard if she has her own room at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC), but if she has a room of her own in another part of the house, giving her this basement room would be giving her too much freedom, in my opinion. Why does she think her old room isn't good enough anymore? That might be an interesting question to ask.</p><p></p><p>You also might ask her, in front of the therapist, why she thinks she should get/have these things when she hasn't earned your trust by behaving well in the outside world yet?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 430880, member: 1233"] I think you need to pay attention to those red flags and your instincts. At this point she has not earned the right to your trust or to have a room she can easily sneak out of, or to return to her old surroundings. Is she supposed to be leaving Residential Treatment Center (RTC) soon? Not asking these things in a session with her therapist is a HUGE red flag, in my opinion. It says to me that she may be aware that the therapist would not think they were good ideas, so she is trying to get you to think they are okay and tell the therapist that they are. Make sure that ANY plans are worked out with the therapist and that you have spoken privately with the therapist to let her know your thoughts and to get hers. The therapist may think these are good ideas or not. I do NOT think agreeing to go off birth control is a good idea for any female difficult child. The consequences of not using birth control are just too permanent and involve a whole other person plus create major changes in the lives of her entire family - largely because you will be doing a LOT of the care of a grandhcild born to her now or in the next few years, at least financially. Changing medications, even going with an implant or the depo shot would be a far better choice. Just amke sure that you actually take her for the shot or the yearly update or whatever so she doesn't let it lapse. I can see not wanting to take a medication that makes your stomach hurt, but the idea of not having sex until marriage is just too unrealistic. Few who have had sex as teens, esp as difficult child teens, can really abstain until they are married. HEck, every single girl that said that she would be a virgin on her wedding night ended up being preg before getting married as a teen. At least at my school. Those who said they were not sure, but would make sure to use birth control were FAR more likely to not get preg in high school or the first year or two of college. It just is not a realistic goal. Did she have her own room in another part of the house or share iwth a sibling? I can see that sharing a room might be hard if she has her own room at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC), but if she has a room of her own in another part of the house, giving her this basement room would be giving her too much freedom, in my opinion. Why does she think her old room isn't good enough anymore? That might be an interesting question to ask. You also might ask her, in front of the therapist, why she thinks she should get/have these things when she hasn't earned your trust by behaving well in the outside world yet? [/QUOTE]
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