Trying not to get too excited

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by toughlovin, Jul 17, 2015.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    I am having to remind myself that it's one day at a time for progress and good stuff too!

    My son called again tonight. He is doing better and said they told him the sweats and shakes May last awhile but the medications are helping.

    He also made a commitment to do their residential program for one or two weeks and then go into their sober living program and look for a job there. He realized he really can't go back to where he was...although he will have to go back to get his stuff and clean up. I said if he wanted I would come back out and help him but only if he wanted me too....I kind of laughed and said I need to stop trying to come up with solutions and let you figure it out.

    I am amazed he is making these good rational decisions! And this is all him, no pressure from me! It's clear that at least right now he really wants to figure this out.

    So i am trying not to worry about the details and let him figure those out. I can help if he asks.

    This is unbelievable progress!
     
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  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    It sounds like he is sick and tired of being sick and tired.
     
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  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    This is excellent TL. My daughter quit because "it was too hard to be into this lilfe." Your son sounds open to quitting. Relapse is part of the process.

    Crossing all I can cross and sending prayers of every kind.
     
  4. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Had another good convo with difficult child last night....he is trying to figure things out. He is almost done with detox and is feeling a lot better. He is having 2nd thoughts about the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)....he has been in so many and he wants to get on with his life....and he said he has had a couple issues with the detox.....at that,my heart sank. I asked him what issues and a couple of the guys were doing sketchy things with the medications. They have 6 beds and he says 4 of the 6 are serious about getting sober and he has been sticking with those guys and has been having some deep convos with those guys
    So he still sounds real serious, and seems to be thinking clearly. We told him we will help and support him but we are not directing what he does.
    And he apologized for his nutty on Tuesday which he has rarely done before. So it all feels hopeful.

    I am very clear at this point that his best chance for success is for me to not get in the way and try and direct his recovery....he has to be the one to figure this out.
     
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  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I won't lie TL, I would be worried that he is now having second thoughts about residential. He has said before he wants to get on with his life but he hasn't been able to sustain sobriety. I really hope he is at a place in his life where this time he is serious. Just please guard your heart. I hope you understand what I'm saying. I don't want to make you feel discouraged, I just worry.
     
  6. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Oh believe me I am on guard....I think he is serious know it is easy to lose resolve....so I know this may not be the last time...but this is the first time the motivation is fully coming from him and that is progress.....I think what will really make the difference is what kind of support system he sets up....and at least he is not trying to go back to the isolation he was in before...that really worried me.

    So we shall see what he does. I am glad he is calling just to talk to is about it.!thats new too. Nancy how is your daughter doing?
     
  7. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    She's doing OK although when I took her to San Francisco with easy child this past spring I found she starts to become belligerent if she does not have a drink or cigarette for a while. It honestly opened my eyes to the fact that she has a drinking problem (I always knew that but hoped she had it in check). She is able to keep a job and be responsible but it will be a problem all her life. It reminded me that I can't have her come back home. I am not happy with her boyfriend who is irresponsible, has no license and owes fines from years ago and uses her for driving him everywhere, doesn't pay the bills and drinks all the time. Don't get me started, I wish she would realize she deserves better.

    So I guess what I'm saying is she is living on her own and is holding a job and caring for his daughter and doing a terrific job at that but her future will not be easy. She doesn't ask for anything and is very grateful for the help we do give her. She just got a new job as a data entry clerk with a small pay increase and took her drug test Saturday. She said she will pass, I'm assuming she did. I guess we will find out if they tell her she can't start work.

    Thanks for asking.
     
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Those work-related drug tests? They don't test for addiction... so you're allowed to be an addict, as long as it is to legal substances like tobacco and alcohol.

    She's "only" 22. If she can hold it together for just a few more years, she may mature enough to move on from where she is.
     
  9. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the update Nancy.....I think there are those who are functional alcoholics....who can hold a job but who drink every night when they get home. In one of the conversations with my son he said yes he was a functional alcoholic who worked so he could drink! Still being functional is better athan non functional!
     
  10. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yes my father is/was a functioning alcoholic. I believe that's what she is.

    She's 24 (updated my signature) but yes I am hoping she matures.
     
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