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General Parenting
Trying to Clarify My Feelings....Opinions Welcome!
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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 359889" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>I have learned over the years that NOTHING said or done or material items given will EVER motivate a person. That motivation comes from within. If she was truly motivated, you would see something different than the "Just give me what I want" attitude. If she was really motivated, she would have the drive to make it work on her own - the desire to work into it, not just jump to the grand reward. Her motivation would come shiny through. Giving her anything will not pull that motivation out. T-doctor should know that!</p><p> </p><p>Again, I stress to make her responsibility and motivation the focus of this issue with the therapist. If you focus on the inability to pay for this, than in her eyes (and therapist's) the reason she can not have this becomes your doing and she doesn't have to change her ways because your inability to pay is what is stopping her. Tell therapist that it is not fair to a horse to have an owner who is not trained in taking care of it. You just don't give someone a horse who has no ability to care for it. therapist needs to look at difficult child's motivation in this which you have figured out to make your life miserable. </p><p> </p><p>Tell therapist and difficult child that the horses are YOUR hobby and you are not willing to share that time with anyone - you get that as your retreat from home stresses. </p><p> </p><p>difficult child should volunteer at a local animal shelter and prove she can care for dogs and cats before stepping into the horse world. Have her set up a rigid schedule at the animal shelter where she HAS to be there every day as much as possible. See how long she can survive that responsibility which isn't anything near caring for a horse.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 359889, member: 5096"] I have learned over the years that NOTHING said or done or material items given will EVER motivate a person. That motivation comes from within. If she was truly motivated, you would see something different than the "Just give me what I want" attitude. If she was really motivated, she would have the drive to make it work on her own - the desire to work into it, not just jump to the grand reward. Her motivation would come shiny through. Giving her anything will not pull that motivation out. T-doctor should know that! Again, I stress to make her responsibility and motivation the focus of this issue with the therapist. If you focus on the inability to pay for this, than in her eyes (and therapist's) the reason she can not have this becomes your doing and she doesn't have to change her ways because your inability to pay is what is stopping her. Tell therapist that it is not fair to a horse to have an owner who is not trained in taking care of it. You just don't give someone a horse who has no ability to care for it. therapist needs to look at difficult child's motivation in this which you have figured out to make your life miserable. Tell therapist and difficult child that the horses are YOUR hobby and you are not willing to share that time with anyone - you get that as your retreat from home stresses. difficult child should volunteer at a local animal shelter and prove she can care for dogs and cats before stepping into the horse world. Have her set up a rigid schedule at the animal shelter where she HAS to be there every day as much as possible. See how long she can survive that responsibility which isn't anything near caring for a horse. [/QUOTE]
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