Trying to connect with old friends from rehab

[comatheart]

I got an email from difficult child's counselor in rehab... Apparently, he's requested that I send a msg (Happy Birthday) on facebook to one of his old friends. FYI: This particular girl is one that helped carry him home because he was too plastered to walk.

I have SERIOUS reservations about doing that for him! Isnt he supposed to be detaching from his old friends?? I mean that's the whole point of going to a new school when he comes out! How is contacting her for him going to be doing him any good??

I haven't responded to the counselors email yet. I need to cool off a little first. I'm just steaming inside. My sons mindset has not changed one bit.

 

[Nancy]

Yes they should be detaching from old friends but at his age that is so very hard to do. I would email the counselor back and express your reservations. I'm surprised the counselor did this frankly. I would not be sending any fb messages to anyone on his behalf.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

That is really odd...

I will say that when my daughter first came home I tried to keep her away from everyone. I got so nervous with her having a phone and Facebook again. But, it has not made her relapse. A lot of her friends are also in recovery right now and they keep cheering each other on. She does have friends that are still lost in the drug world and it makes her sad, but she just keeps praying for them.

If they want to be clean, they will be. That is what I am learning now. Nothing I ever did (except having a hand in her getting locked up) made any difference. She wants nothing to do with drugs anymore and that is why she is clean.

But, I would never send a message to someone on her behalf!? That is just odd...

 

[toughlovin]

Hmm I think a lot depends on who the friends were. When my son was in jail he did ask me to message a couple of people on FB. Both of these girls were out in CA where he had been. I knew both were worried about him as no one knew where he was. He was hoping they would write him in jail.... and from what I gathered at least one of the girls was in recovery. So I did message them and they both thanked me because they had been really worried about him since he went completely dark online. So it gave me a link to them which might be important in the future. And i figured while he was in jail he needed all the emotional support he could get.
Fact is if they want to be in touch with drug using friends when they get out they will, you will have no control over that. However I agree dont do anything that will help that along.

TL

 

[comatheart]

Counselor agreed and said he wouldn't do it. We didn't and won't. I think difficult child is mad inside, but he didn't express it when we explained to him our concerns. It actually went over really well.

 

[DDD]

I have a jaded smirk on my face. Sorry, 'bout that. "The Counselor" contacted you with the request BUT "the Counselor agreed" when you called. Maybe I am having a "senior moment" but WTH??? The counselor was focusing on "being friends"??? If I were your child I would be thinking what to heck is going on when "my" counselor agrees to contact my Mom with the request and THEN he changes positions when my Mom questions it??? Must be a jaded nite for me....sounds inconsistent. DDD

 

[comatheart]

Pretty sure he was just passing on the msg. to us since difficult child only gets one phone call a week. Sometimes he tells his counselor things to ask us. His counselor can't tell us what to do. He expressed no feelings on the matter in the initial email where he passed the request on. Only after I responded, did he put in his 2 cents. As far as I know, my son has no idea the counselor sided with us and not him. I should also clarify this is our family counselor. He works with all of us each week. My son also has his own, individual counselor there as well. That counselor has a completely different relationship with difficult child than the family one.

 

[DDD]

Coma, your extra description changes the picture. The bottom line, of course, is that I hope your child flourishes and your family becomes whole again. DDD

 

[comatheart]

I'm glad that helped clear the picture. Thanks DDD! I hope he does too, though I certainly have my doubts.