Trying to get 23 yr old out of my home

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by gpolo213, Feb 22, 2015.

  1. gpolo213

    gpolo213 New Member

    MrMike
    MrMike Your Story is so much like mine. This morning turned into another episode and I think my husband and I are at the last phase of All this. WE CANT TAKE NOMORE ABUSE! I googled How to get your 23 yr old at of my home n it took me here. I thought I was Alone and had the Only kid like this :( for years we have been to counseling, Shrinks, Hospitals, he was on medication briefly at times but stopped taking it. Its been such Misery We can't take it No more. We Love Our Son Dearly but most of the times my Son is Not my Son :( he was diagnosed with all kinds of disorders through the years. He gets so mean, nasty, throws things, he's very loud and says discussing hurtful things, so disrespectful, belittling and down right UGLY! The police have been to my home so many times I lost count, either by us calling or neighbors. It has taken such a Toll on me n my husbands health. We live like we walking on eggshells every minute of the day wondering what the next moment will be like and how his day will be. My Anxiety is through the roof, I shake, I have Panic attacks and sometimes I think I'm going to wind up in Hospital. We threw him out so many times but he just Abuses us and tells us he's Not going anywhere. I feel for you and I hope you get the help you need. Tomorrow we decided to go to Family Court and see what we can do. God Bless You All here. I really thought We were Alone. I'm so glad I found you guys.
     
  2. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome, gpolo - you posted this on a thread that was a couple of years old, so I moved it into its own thread so people will see it.

    You're not alone -- many of us have gone trough trying to get our difficult adult kids out of our homes. Keep us posted on how things go in court.
     
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2015
  3. SeekingStrength

    SeekingStrength Well-Known Member

    Hi Gpolo,

    I totally relate to your quandary. husband and I went through this for years. It amazed me how difficult it was to get emotionally abusive, stealing, dishonest adult offspring out of your own home. Certainly nothing our police would do "unless he threatens you or hurts you". "This is his address. If we spent our time getting adult kids out of homes when parents want them out, that is all we'd be doing." The police seemed to always think it was just an argument. Sure, we were probably having an argument, but there was much more to it than that.

    One of the times that we changed the locks while he was away, Difficult Son showed up at his dad's workplace. Husband was at an in-service. Son walked in and wiped everything (papers, books, etc.) off the table, then turned around and walked out. It truly can be emotionally exhausting (and embarrassing, which was the least of our problems)...to deal with this type of personality,

    Once the source of all this chaos is out of your home, your life will get so much sweeter. I hope you catch a break soon. Wish I had a working formula to share. Our difficult son finally decided to move 1500 mi away.

    I feel for you. Stay close to the board. Something has to give way for you soon.


    SS
     
  4. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome gpolo. I'm so sorry you are going through this with your adult son. You've arrived in a place where we know what you are talking about. Depending upon the state you live in, you may have to serve your son with eviction papers. Here in Ca. you have to do that even if it is your own son. However, you might also consider a restraining order since your son appears to be abusive. Get some legal advice on your options so you can start the process of removing your son from your home. No one should have to live that way. You deserve a peaceful life.

    You may want to take that picture down and replace it with an avatar that is anonymous.

    You may want to read the article at the bottom of my page here on detachment, it may help you. You can also call the local domestic abuse hot line, they may be able to offer you support and options. It's hard to recognize that our children are abusive to us, but clearly, here on this site, that is often the case. Do whatever you need to do to protect yourselves and your home and do it immediately. It sounds as if you have been at this a long time and if you've found us then it's highly likely you are ready for a big change. Unfortunately, as in most of our cases, the changes are going to have to be brought about by YOU, your son has the easy ride and has become accustomed to holding you and your husband hostage with his behavior, he will likely give you a rash of 'stuff,' be highly belligerent and more abusive to you once he finds out you are seriously done putting up with his behavior. That's what they do, they manipulate us until they get what they want. Hold steady. Get yourself some supports in place. You might try getting in touch with NAMI, which is the National Alliance on Mental Illness. You can access them online, they have many chapters. They have excellent courses for parents which can offer you resources.

    Get your ducks in order with the legalities of removing your son from your home. Get it all in place. Make sure you protect yourselves by perhaps getting the protective order. Get support in some fashion as this is a treacherous emotional path filled with mine fields which blow up frequently......with support you'll be able to maneuver through with help. You don't have to do this alone. Go to 12 step groups like Families anonymous or Al Anon, or if that isn't available, find a parent group or private therapy. Most of us need professional support to walk through this because it is difficult. The support will offer you guidance, a place to vent, resources and comfort. Keep posting here, there are many who have been or are in your shoes and can offer you some real advice, or at the very least, offer you the knowledge that you are not alone. We are here in various stages of detachment from our adult troubled kids.

    You will find that our kids are very similar in many ways. The way through this is to set some very clear, unbreakable boundaries which have clear consequences. For instance, every time your son shows up at your home, you call the police if he is violating a protective order. Consequences must follow rule breaking every single time, or he will use manipulation again and again. There are local shelters your son can go to if he has no other options. At this stage of the game, he needs to work, earn his own living, pay for his own home and get out of yours.

    It's essential for you and your husband to be able to have a peaceful home. Your son holding you hostage in your own home is unacceptable behavior. It is time to change. It is time for you to claim your lives back.

    Keep posting here, it helps. Get support. Find out legally what you can do, and do it. I'm sorry this is happening to you but I'm glad you found us and I'm glad you're here. Stay strong. You're not alone anymore.
     
  5. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Welcome Gpolo, I'm so sorry you are dealing with such a difficult and abusive son. Your home should be a place where you feel safe and with him there you will not have that.
    You are not alone, there are many of us here that have been through what you are going through.
    It's good you are going to seek help at family court, hopefully they will be able to give you some answers about how you can get him out of your house.
    ((HUGS)) to you...........
     
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