Trying to keep 1st gr. son from alt. school (for 2nd time) - a mother's vent for help

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ImABzParent, Oct 29, 2010.

  1. ImABzParent

    ImABzParent Guest

    Like many parents here, I'm at a loss as what to do for my son. He trashed his classroom the other day and is currently suspended.

    A bit of background info: My son attends the school where I teach kindergarten. Last year he was sent to the alternative school for knocking over chairs and his emotional outbursts. While I didn't want him to go, I was a new employee and didn't want to rock the boat so I agreed to sending him. I knew fully well, that he would complete the program in no time and return to my campus. He was extremely successful and completed the program in 13 days! But every time he was back at his home school he had flare-ups and would be sent back for a few days.

    I had high hopes that this year would be so much better. He had been successful on ADHD medications and would be in the classroom of a wonderful, experienced teacher. Things are not turning out as I hoped. He has had severe meltdowns when the teacher has to enforce consequences for his inappropriate behaviors. (He intentionally makes noises and interrupts the classroom.)

    2 days ago he reacted to a "change of color" for continuing to make noises by knocking over chairs, knocking over his desk, throwing manipulatives, and throwing school supplies. This was a major reaction to a minor offense. The classroom had to be evacuated, and he needed to be carried out of the classroom.

    I'm in a tight spot. As his mother, I find his behavior to be unacceptable but I know he is not always in control of his reactions. As a teacher, I know his teacher has to think about the safety of the other kids in his classroom.

    I feel like such a failure as a parent right now. I'm the teacher that students with behavioral issues are placed with! But here I am as the mother of a child with rage issues in the classroom. While I know what I would do for a student who exhibits behaviors like my son, I can't force another to react the way I do. It makes me sorry to say this, but very few teachers are equipped for dealing with students who exhibit severe behavioral disorders.

    I have made an appointment with a specialist to look into an ODD diagnosis but it will take 2 weeks to get in. In the meantime, I'm searching for any advice/tips/help to keep my son from being sent back to the alternative school. While I haven't gone the 504 route, we have had a campus meeting to establish some interventions. I'm hoping that since some interventions were not in place (the alternative school teacher was supposed to come and observe his behaviors and give suggestions for his teacher AND he did not have his medication on the day in question.) I can "fight" the recommendation of sending him to alternative school again.

    Thanks to anyone who read this long post.
     
  2. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Ross Greene's The Explosive Child and Lost In School. Good starting places to get everyone together on the same page about ways to handle him before things get out of hand. Full screenings, beyond just ODD, which I think most of us at this point see more as a symptom of other things than a diagnosis in and of itself. Allergies, medication side effects, etc, are other things to look into. Ditto sensory issues. Many others will chime in with more detailed ideas and questions, the only failure would be for you to do nothing, which is obviously not the case. You'll find lots of support here, it's a wonderful place to feel that you are not alone in your struggles, and neither is your kid.
     
  3. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    I agree with HaoZi. The Explosive Child has helped us all tremendously ! Pick up a copy ASAP !

    You are in a tough situation many of us aren't which is that you teach at the same school your child attends. This must be very diificult.

    Does his teacher or other staff members summon you when he is having difficulties?

    I am assuming from your post this will be this will be his 1st evaluation?

    Keep us posted on his evaluation .... Good Luck !
     
  4. whatamess

    whatamess New Member

    They would send him to an alternative school, but didn't do an evaluation? Definitley needs an evaluation and supports so he can be successful in his home school. I think most of us know that the behavior modification strategies/punishment and reward scenarios don't usually help our kids. What strategies work for the kids in your classroom? If your son does qualify for an IEP, hopefully you can include all the things that work for your students, so your son's teacher can implement them.
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would have a private (not school based) neuropsychologist evaluate him.

    How was his early development? Can he relate appropriately to his same age peers? Is he particularly sensitive to change, textures, transitions, foods, crowds? I think more is going on than ADHD and most of the veterans here believe that ODD is a meaningless diagnosis. It applies to all our kids...finding out WHY they are defiant is the puzzle. However many of us believe Neuropsychs, who do intensive testing, give us the best help. Did he speak on time? On the flip side, does he speak like a Little Professor? Any obsessive interests or quirks?


    The noises in class are a red flag for certain disorders t hat include sensory problems. I don't think he is doing that just to be disruptive. I hope you get help soon!
     
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2010
  6. ImABzParent

    ImABzParent Guest

    Thanks for the heads up on the book - I picked up a copy today and will probably be up late reading.

    We have an appointment with a neuropsychologist for the 17th. Right now I just want some diagnosis that I can get an IEP/BIP with. They can't send him to the alternative school as easily with one.

    Ketcher early development was normal - just didn't start walking until he was 15 months old. My only concern was/is that he is overly cautious.

    Now, he does have some anti-social issues. He relates better to adults than kids. The kids he does have an interest in are typically older and/or in the school's gifted program. The Preschool experience was fine. I never got calls but there was the occasional, age appropriate "hitting" in response to conflicts. The one time he hurt a child in kindergarten was completely on accident.

    He has admitted that he makes the noises to make his teacher mad. This is a habit that started about 7 months ago. I know this behavior needs to be replaced with something more socially acceptable but since it is not something I have to deal with at home the process isn't so simple.

    I'm very tactile, but he isn't as sensory. I've got all the sensory items in my classroom arsenal and he doesn't care for them in the least. He is just an enigma for me - even with all of the issues I've had in my classroom (ED, MR, AU, ADHD, etc.) I've never had a child do the things my own son does.
     
  7. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Anyone else thinking Asperger's, NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD), Sensory Integration Disorder (SID)?

    I don't know how it works at your school, but at mine part of the request for an IEP is asking them to screen for disorders. The list mine is screening for is shorter than I'd like, and I've expressed my wish that do check for Aspergers vs a NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD), but everyone seems pretty certain my kiddo is going to get the IEP no matter what just based on emotional issues.
     
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I was thinking Aspergers right off the bat. Even moreso now that I read he relates better to older peers...that is common in Aspergers.
     
  9. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    You said your son was succesfully placed on ADHD medications, was there a diagnosis made at that time? Adhd is a qualifying diagnosis for an IEP under OHI (other health impaired).
     
  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm amazed they could send him to an alternative school with-o an iep. In our district it would be next to impossible to do, not to mention they wouldn't try because very few children get sent to alternative schools here. It definitely sounds like an iep is needed along with a bip so that those working with him know how to respond.

    It sounds like your son's teacher might need something other than a color chart (this could be written into the bip) if he reacts so strongly to it. I also teach and use a color chart but there have been a couple of students I didn't use it with because it could set them off too much.

    by the way, my husband also teaches and difficult child attended the same elementary school that husband taught at so I can relate to what you are going through with that. Hugs.
     
  11. ImABzParent

    ImABzParent Guest

    Thanks to everyone for their support. I have read most of the Explosive Child and been scouring the accompanying website.

    I have found an advocate who has given me tools so that I can keep him from being sent away after our campus meeting tomorrow. Long story short - they have to show evidence that all of the proposed accommodations from the previous meeting were in place at the time of his meltdown. I know they weren't.

    I'm requesting that he be placed under 504 because his ADHD diagnosis is impeding his learning. (Not in class/can't learn) and I want a BIP. Then, I'm going to ask that the district's educational diagnostician evaluate him for ODD and ED. Even if I get a clinical diagnosis; the school won't accept it with-out their evaluations.
     
  12. ImABzParent

    ImABzParent Guest

    I'm with you on the color change system. I use one in my classroom, but if a student needs a behavior plan he/she no longer is held to that standard. My son's teacher is AMAZING, but she is old school and has the attitude that he should be just like any other kid in the class. Now that I have read the explosive child, I hope I can get her to see that he isn't like the other kids and together we have to address him differently. In the end, I think he will want to keep the colors so he can brag about his day when things go well.

    Thanks for the hugs :)
     
  13. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Yep. That's why I copied the above quote. I know he said he does it to make his teacher mad, but to these kids there is some voluntary component to stimming. It does rapidly become a habit, but the need to make SOME sort of noise is greater the more stressed or anxious they are. Also, some noise-making can be subconscious. We would notice a sort of throat growl when the boys were concentrating. Interesting - I haven't noticed it much lately, in either of them. I do think they've possibly outgrown the vocalisation, possibly replaced it with something more subtle. They do find other ways to cope s they get older.

    I'll go back to the beginning of what I meant to say - I think your son needs to be evaluated for Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) in some form. It may be mild, but if he's anxious, there may be a lot more 'need' to stimulant, as a coping mechanism. And if he is angry at his teacher, he may be NOT avoiding stims that bring attention.

    I'll give you a hypothetical example, based on my experience. Consider a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) child whose main stims are a moderately quiet growl, and a loud throat clearing. In an otherwise supportive environment, he will get teased for the noises. The teacher might get annoyed, especially if she thinks he is doing it on purpose. Initially she might say, "For pete's sake, get a glass of water so you can stop clearing your throat!" She might even say, "You're doing this deliberately! Stop it!" and a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kid can eventually accept this as truth. When working quietly, the the throat growl can become louder and more frequent. Kids sitting nearby can complain. The teacher can get angry again, but the kid may not even realise, under those circumstances, that he was making a noise. But the throat clear - he may be more aware of that.Generally as time goes by, the kid tries to reduce the sounds he makes, but there seems to always be some noise or other. He might make a funny noise one day and get a payoff - maybe someone laughs. He makes the noise again, or he might be trying to reproduce a sound he has heard and wants to be able to imitate. But very quickly, it becomes an uncontrollable habit.

    In a more challenging environment, a kid who is feeling angry and defiant could step UP the noise type (to a louder, more disruptive one) initially to annoy the teacher, but quickly (in Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)) it becomes just another stimulant he has less control of than he realises.

    Now back to my reality - difficult child 1, when he was about 20, got a volunteer job in a local zoo. He loved the animals and was sent to clean out the animal pens and then feed them. His main equipment was a shovel and a wheelbarrow. He found the emus fascinating - he's always had a special interest in birds, and emus are among the biggest. The male emu makes a noise that sounds like someone opening a flap valve on a long hollow pipe. I guess considering the length of an emu throat, that is pretty close to how the noise is made. difficult child 1 tried to imitate this and got it down well. But then he found he couldn't stop. We had the male emu quiet booming noise all around us, constantly.

    If this is Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), then anyone trying to use strong control to direct hi, is going to be heading into big trouble. NEVER use force (including force of will) or any confrontation/direct oppostition to stop behaviour you do not want, in someone with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). They learn by following example, and using opposition to control them only teaches them to be oppositional. Especially if the behaviour the adult is trying to control, is behaviour that is less under the child's voluntary control than anyone realises.

    Much better to use redirection.

    Another source of raging in Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), in our experience, was contradictory instructions. Example again - difficult child 3 was holding a book and his class teacher said to him, "When you have finished, put the book back on my desk." He then left the room.
    Another teacher came in. "Class, we are now going to the school hall. Line up now, and follow me."
    difficult child 3 tried to say, "I have to put this book on my teacher's desk," but the new teacher, who did not know difficult child 2 well, would not permit. The book could wait, they wouldn't be in the hall for long. But the further away they got from the teacher's desk, the more upset difficult child 3 became until by the time they got to the school hall he had stopped arguing about the book and was now screaming. He got into the hall and began throwing chairs. The class teacher was sent for, he took the book from difficult child 3 (which reduced the initial trigger, but now he was raging) and the class teacher then took difficult child 3 with him to a quiet place, for him to calm down. difficult child 3 was not punished, because the powers-that-be realised the trigger was not his fault. Besides, difficult child 3 knew he had done the wrong thing and was contrite - punishment would achieve nothing more. He did have to apologise, but he was doing that freely, once he stopped being upset. difficult child 3 did remain angry with the teacher who wouldn't allow him to do what he had been told to do, however. And even now, he has a very keen sense of justice and if he thinks something is unfair or wrong, he can be VERY judgemental. He's currently learning to drive and is often distracted by another driver doing something illegal or idiotic.

    Suggest to the class teacher that she try redirection. Avoid using negative instructions; instead, word them positively. For example, a difficult child tapping a pencil on a desk (yep, another thing they can do without realising). Instead of saying, "difficult child, stop tapping that pencil," (because it can heighten anxiety and actually increase the pencil tapping!) the teacher should try, "difficult child, put down that pencil and come here." Immediately, the task is changing and the opportunity to tap the pencil stops, so the habit chain is broken.

    How old is he? When difficult child 3 had his chair throwing episode (the one I describe) he was 11 years old. But the raging and teacher triggering rages - that had been happening for several years. He was actually improved by 11. He also was being triggered by other kids, especially kids who would deliberately upset him, including in class, in order to get a reaction. The teacher only saw the reaction, although visitors to the classroom saw it all and reported it to me, so I can't see how the teachers did not know about the other kids doing things to difficult child 3 to make him explode.

    Another thing to look at, for a consideration (informally) for Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), is the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) questionnaire on www.childbrain.com. Print out whatever you get and take it to the neuropsychologist, to indicate your areas of concern. Despite your training and experience, this is your child and you are used to him; there could be things he is doing that you may not realise are atypical. I also had teacher training, but was unable to see my kids in comparison to other kids - what I saw revery day seemed normal to me, but very definitely was not. difficult child 1 was 14 before he got a diagnosis of Asperger's. before tat, we just thought it was severe ADHD. medications for ADHD have helped all three of our younger kids.

    Sorry you need us but glad we are here for you. Welcome.

    Marg
     
  14. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    While I haven't read all of Marg's response, I totally agree that you are likely seeing Asperger's or some other very high functioning autistic spectrum disorder. Just because you have been trained in/had students with various disorders does NOT mean that your son will look like what you have seen in those students. in my opinion children act VERY different at school than at home. The presence of other children is enough by itself to make problems appear different at school. Is he an only child?

    Can you do a signature similar to the ones at the bottom of our posts? It helps us keep everyone's info organized in our minds. If you go to the top of the page on the right hand side you can go into the settings to do a profile. PLEASE do NOT put pictures of your family (pets pics are okay) as your avatar, or use full names/identifying info in the sig. Many of us use nicknames for our kids to preserve their privacy. We discuss all sorts of sensitive topics and you never know who might do a search to see if you are posting things they don't like. Esp as you teach at the school your son attends, this is important. Many employers now use google and facebook to find out what their employees are doing online. Sometimes family or friends do the same and it can create a LOT of problems. This is a safe place to vent, brainstorm, get help and support, etc... and often we say things here that we don't want to have known by our family/friends/coworkers/bosses. Esp if you end up in fights about your son's rights.

    One thing to remember is that even though you are a teacher, you still NEED to follow the rules like sending requests for testing/IEP/services via certified mail. Often schools work hard to not provide services and teachers are not always told that requests will be delayed, "lost", ignored, etc... because accommodations and testing cost $$ and everyone is broke. If you send your requests via certified mail, return receipt requested, you have PROOF of the request and it puts protections in place for your child - protections under FEDERAL LAW. Just because you work for the school does NOT mean they won't try to give you the runaround. I personally know of one school employee who was told by her school district superintedent that because she was an employee her child did NOT have the right to an evaluation with-in the mandated time frame, or even a right to accommodations for his disabilities. It was a friend of my fathers, a fellow teacher, and it took a LOT of work to keep her job and get the help her son needed.

    I am NOT saying your school is guaranteed to do something like that to you. I AM saying that you MUST be aware of your rights and your son's rights so that you can make sure that they provide FAPE in the LRE. We have a Sp Ed section of this board that has all sorts of awesome help. Pay special attention to their archives.

    Now that I have said all that, on to some other ideas. There is a link in my signature to a thread with an outline for a Parent Report. Wise Warrior Moms here made an outline so that you can create a report that has ALL the info about your child in ONE place in a manner that you can copy and share pertinent sections with people who work with/evaluate your child. It is a very powerful thing as helps you communicate with these "experts" in a clear and effective manner. I found that EVERY doctor/therapist/"expert" that we saw got a LOT of my son's history wrong. A couple of them INSISTED that he was adopted (he was NOT - I remember that period of time VERY vividly, lol!), and many other things were wrong. One listed my brother as his father - EEEEUUUUWWWWW!!!!

    I am not sure if this is in the outline, but I used some of those very small photos that come in picture packages to keep a current photo of my son at the beginning of EVERY SECTION of the report. On some very long sections I also put his photo in the middle. I started it first because I was annoyed with the docs because a couple of them started appointments with us while having another child's chart that they were referring to. Really infuriated me for a LOT of reasons. Shortly after that one of my docs took a photo to keep with my chart. He said it really cut down on mistakes made by looking at the wrong chart, because it was more accurate to match photos and names to patients than to just match names. It seemed like a good idea to me! (I do admit to b eing a tad bit paranoid about that because we have NO clue as to when I had which shots as a child. The doctor's office person dropped a stack of charts and everything fell out and not every page had a patients name on it. Mom and the doctor are sure that we all had what we needed, but.... )


    I do have one thought on your son making noises to upset the teacher. It truly is not a problem that you will be able to fix for her. The teacher needs to figure out what he wants when he makes those noises and then not give it to him. If he wants to go out into the hall, she should keep him in. If he wants attention from her she should ignore it. Of course it is HARD to do that in a classroom, but the teacher is going to have to work to figure out when and how to reward him for NOT doing that, and to not give him what he wants when he is making the noises. It reminds me of a show aobut a dog trainer that I just watched. There is a thread on the Watercooler about the show, and it might give you some ideas. I am NOT meaning ANY insult or implying that your child is a dog or should be treated as though he is a dog. The show just showed a different way to approach an undesireable behavior, with this dog it was barking all the time. NO offense meant on ANY level, I promise.

    A book that might be a big help to you and his teacher is Dr. Riley's latest book, "What Your Explosive Child is Trying To Tell You" :http://www.amazon.com/What-Your-Exp...=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1288568776&sr=1-2

    For info on Dr. Riley's book there are some threads where he discussed it with us. You can search on his name to find his posts here.
     
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I know I just posted, but I do have one question.

    If he was able to behave and progress in the Alternative School last year, why fight having him go there this year?

    Some of our kids do MUCH better in a non-traditional environment. While my Wiz is incredibly intelligent, we still allowed him to take a vocational course in high school instead of the college prep track. It kept him interested and attending school and learning. We evaluated his needs each year and did whatever was needed to help him get an education and learn to be a good person, one who can function in society. It wasn't easy, and a LOT of people said and did a LOT of strange, rude and/or downright awful things to husband and I, but it was what Wiz needed. We focused on that and ignored anyone who wasn't supportive. After a while I developed a strong rhino skin and the criticism and stupidity of others rolled off my back. (We do this for the other kids also, not just Wiz. He just needed more non-traditional things.)

    I am NOT saying that your son is "doomed" to forever be in an alternative school, just wondering why you are against it?

    I am glad you found us, and hope that something I posted was helpful. If any info is not helpful, feel free to ignore it - no offense will be taken! You will find that this site is absolutely incredible, and more supportive than you could even imagine. We truly have been there done that for many, if not most, of the problems you have to tackle.
     
  16. ImABzParent

    ImABzParent Guest

    The reason I'm against the alternative school is because of the lack of academic progress he made last year. They honestly didn't teach him a thing. If he was progressing academically I would have him back there in a heart beat. In the 10 weeks he has been in first grade his test scores increased significantly - I attribute this to his current teacher.

    Upon reflection, I realized that he was successful there for 2 reasons: he wasn't being challenged academically and with how they are trained to see the triggers and were able to redirect him.

    I did delve deeper into his noise making this morning. Here is what happened: He was sitting alone at the kitchen table working on a puzzle book. Things were nice and quiet then all of a sudden he starts to honk very loudly. Then it stopped. Later I asked him why did he do that and got the obligatory "I don't know." When I asked about him about the puzzle he was doing he told me that it got to hard and he didn't know what to do. That was when he started to make noises. I think this is where his real problem lies - he gets frustrated, can't think, and makes noises because he can't verbalize the frustration. He knows the noises make the teacher (and me) mad and I fed him a leading question - "Do you make these noises to make Mrs. X mad?" Of course he said yes. It's the response he knows his sounds illicit. For now, an Asperger's diagnosis isn't the road I'm going to take. (I did the questionnaire on ChildBrain to help me and that isn't him.)

    Thanks for the certified letter idea. The meeting we are going to have tomorrow is supposed to be just as binding but I'm going to cross my t's and dot my i's twice!

    I will get my signature started. I also appreciate the advice on anonymity. I started to use my typical username when I signed up but realized that wouldn't do so I had to think hard for something different so I could stay anonymous.
     
  17. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Especially because you're a teacher, keep it anonymous. What if you wanted to vent about your colleague, difficult child's teacher? You need to feel free enough to do this (because if you're being unreasonable, we will gently tell you!) because if you feel constrained then you will be less able to share when you need help.

    Marg
     
  18. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    It sounds like the alternative school is not a good place for him. Regardless of his behaviors he needs an education. Is there a reason that the alt school didn't have him doing academics? Just not part of their program?

    Check out the sp ed archives for letters you can copy and put your name and difficult child's name on to request the services. There is a LOT of advice for how to best protect your child's rights and get the school to do what they are legally required to do.

    You know your child best, so if you say that Asperger's isn't a good fit then you are most likely right. You see ALL of his behaviors so you are better able to figure things out.

    It sounds like the honking is is way of handling frustration. What sensory things can he do in the classroom to deal with this without being so disruptive? Has he been evaluated by a private Occupational Therapist (OT) for sensory integration disorder/sensory processing disorder?

    Another person just posted a thread about how their son used some playdoh to squish when he got frustrated with his homework. She intends to keep it available when he does homework because it was very effective at helping him blow off steam and then be able to go back and complete the work with-o lots of drama/problems. Playdough may not be the thing your child needs, but something sensory to do might make a big difference. The honking is clearly sensory.

    Although it also might be a stimulant. Many of our kids have things they do when they get overstimulated. The traditional stimulant is hand flapping, but there are all kinds of stims. they don't have to be the same thing all the time. Right now the honking noise may be what he needs, but in a few weeks or months he may need to do something else. Either way, if what he is doing is a problem for other people then he needs to find something he can replace the honking with to let off steam and help him handle being overstimulated/frustrated.

    Whatever is going on, your instincts are going to be your best guide. YOU know difficult child better than anyone else. If your instincts say that something is wrong then you need to follow them. Even if your mind says it is ridiculous. Many of us say that the times we made the biggest mistakes with our children were times wehn we ignored our instincts. Even if you don't have a reason that you can articulate, you have that feeling that something is right for him or wrong for him. Follow that instinct. The "experts" are expert in their field of study. These docs/therapists/teachers/etc... spend as little as 10-15 minutes every few months with our kids while we spend hours and hours with our kids. So we are the "experts" on our children and we need to fight to follow our instincts.

    {{{{{hugs}}}}}
     
  19. ImABzParent

    ImABzParent Guest

    This whole ordeal with my son has taken a lot out of me this week. What I thought was exhaustion and some depression turned out to be illness, and I've been out of commission for 2 days.

    Update on the situation: the school requested a "threat assessment" - which determined that he isn't a threat. However, my son has been in in-school suspension Tues-Fri, and will have to be there again on Monday. A meeting is scheduled for Monday, to discuss what plans they have for him. Something about a "graduated re-entry" into his class.

    He had another incident on Tuesday. At the end of the day the substitute who was with him during the day brought him back to his classroom to give his teacher the work he had completed. He went to his desk and pulled out his baseball cards (The reward system his class uses.) and started to count them. The teacher asked him to put them away and difficult child ignored her. The sub went over and took them away, triggering a tantrum. Nothing was thrown, he just shoved his desk and crawled under a table. Since there wasn't an administrator on campus, I got called to his room to calm him down.

    After it was all over, his teacher had a revelation but it wasn't the one I was hoping for. She feels that when he hears a "request" (I hear "command") he should snap to the appropriate response. She believes he is choosing to do what he wants, and should "fear" what will happen if he doesn't comply. She thinks he is a "strong-willed child" and he needs to learn to respect authority. She went on to say that she isn't going to take the time to go over and talk to him about why he is making the noises unless she is required to.

    I'm flabbergasted that this is a woman who has taught for over 25 years! Isn't part of our job to help kids with their social/emotional learning along with the academics?!?!? I know that he doesn't do these things out of disrespect. And honestly, if I could have gotten him to "comply" with requests so easily none of us would be in this situation.

    Right now, I plan to move forward with a SPED referal to assure that he gets the support he needs. I have the letter from the Dr. with his ADHD diagnosis, and I have my letter written.
     
  20. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I am not surprised at the revelation of the teacher's response. I'm sorry, but it is confirmation of what I suspected - this is sounding like she is unwittingly triggering him with her attitude and it is only going to get worse until she gets it.

    I know you don't want to consider Asperger's, but it is what I see, at least to the level of some traits even if not enough for a diagnosis formally. It would explain a great deal and also make a very effective working hypothesis. A lot of ADHD kids have this partial crossover and similarity, and respond to similar methods as Aspie kids. Often respond really, really well to the point of eventually adapting completely and masking the symptoms almost completely. I can attest to this from personal experience - my now-adult kids.

    Some teachers really annoy me when they have the attitude of "I've been teaching for all these years, don't you try to tell me ow to do my job," when clearly they have not updated their training, their reading or their curriculum materials for decades. Sounds like your son's teacher could be in this category?

    Marg
     
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