Trying to legislate good parenting

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by DammitJanet, Apr 25, 2007.

  1. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well it appears that if you live in SC and your child is not doing well in school you may have to start attending conferences and workshops to help you learn to bring up your childs performance!

    Hmmmm. Aint that special! LMAO.

    I am so glad I dont live there and so glad I dont have kids in school. I heard this tidbit come over my news tonite and about lost my dinner. It hasnt passed the legislature but you can probably bet the family farm it will.
     
  2. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    You know, I really wished that we as parents had as much control as others like to think we do.
     
  3. kris

    kris New Member

    <span style='font-size: 14pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #333399"> not all parents are like the majority we find here. there are parents who don't really give a crap....and if they do they don't have the resources to positively impact their kids to do better. while we might love the chance to learn more skills there are parents who sit back & do nothing.

    that being said, i always get leery when the legislature starts messing in his stuff....like state standardized testing & how positively that's impacted education :rolleyes: :grrr: :rolleyes:.

    kris
    </span> </span> </span>
     
  4. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Janet,

    I hate that our government has become so very intrusive - that they feel that their "morality" or definition of what is good is intended for all.

    Parenting is a sacred privilege - while there are those who may not do their best, I would hazard to guess that most parents care, encourage & love their children.

    What if a child has an illness/disorder/disturbance that inhibits learning?
     
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My point is that I think that most parents already do try to be involved with their kids and the schools and the ones who dont arent going to suddenly have a light bulb go off over their head just because the state mandates something.

    A few classes or seminars isnt going to stop drug abuse or bad parenting. Sure hasnt worked yet!

    I can also see a bunch of teens deciding to fail a few classes to make dear old mom and dad have to go sit in some class.
     
  6. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    <span style='font-size: 11pt'>Maybe I'm crazy but the two most important things we do we have no real idea how to make it work. Childrearing and marriage. There should be some sort of adult education for problem resolution, positive discipline, understanding normal growth and development,how to live with someone. I have to take lots of classes and pass tests to drive a car and we have no clue unless we do what our own parents did or self educate. I like to think there are a lot of choices in how to rear a child or be married. I don't think it's one size fits all but the basic tenets of having a healthy, functional family have to be close to the same.

    I don't think it should be for just parents of difficult children but for all parents. My question would be "why wouldn't we want to learn more or better or just be reassured we are on the right path?".
    I hate bureaucracy worse than anyone and I have a lot of reservations that something this big will be effective but if it is legislated to be organized on a local level it might become a community class or experience. All you have to do is look at kids who are neglected due to ignorance or because "mamma did it this way." and you wonder why it took us so long to want to educate parents. I'm always wondering if there is another way to help my kids achieve their goal or another way for me to parent that might be better, healthier, more positive.
    Maybe I worry too much that I'm missing something but I think there isn't one of us that couldn't learn something new or can share something you know with a new parent. </span>
     
  7. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Actually I think this is a good idea. The teachers in our area will tell you that it's mostly the parents of kids who are doing well that come to conferences and they never see the ones who are struggling. I understand this to a point. It's sure a lot more fun to go and hear nice things about your kid then bad things. I had that experience last year and it almost made me not want to go anymore.

    But the real quesation I have is what plans do they have to help those that are struggling. It doesn't do enough to tell the parent the child is not doing well. The school has to be a partner with the parents in coming up with a plan to help. Last year I felt like I was alone trying to get help and several teachers just had the attitude that she wasn't trying hard enough. I didn't need them to tell me that. I need concrete help from the school.

    When the guidance counselor stepped in and got difficult child math turoring I was thrilled. I was doing what I could but we all know that our difficult child's do not respond well to us when trying to get them to do their schoolwork.

    I realize parents are all at a different level and there are some who don;t even know their child is struggling, and some who don't care. There are just as many probably who do care very much but can't do it alone. What plan is the school going to have to help them.

    Nancy
     
  8. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I tend to agree that while it sounds like a good idea in theory, it will likely end up as just another failed government program. Those who need it the most will figure out ways to get out of participating...screaming that it hinders their civil rights or the constitution.

    I'm all for stronger education when it comes to positive child rearing, etc., but it really does grate on my nerves when a government agency comes along and claims to not only have the perfect solution but also that they want to make it law.

    You can lead the horse to water, but you can't make him/her drink.
     
  9. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    If it helps a few children, I think it's okay. I would feel bad for those who have to take off from work and lose pay, but if a child is illiterate and the parents are forced to look at ways to fix it, then it's good.

    I do see your point, Janet. I do, but I just can't help but think...if one child is saved, if 10 children learn to read, if ten parents learn how to be a more positve role model for their children then that's a good thing.

    I think the schools have tried everything else, so they are now resorting to this. It's not perfect by any means, but it's something.

    I have to say that I have attended a few of the free work shops offered for the entire grade, by the school. Out of 210 kids, only about 15 parents showed up each time. It's free, at night and they offer free childcare by the teachers in another room. I think that's pathetic. That doesn't mean that they are poor parents or lacking in parental skills, but c'mon....15 parents for 210 kids?
     
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I dont think its going to work.

    From what I can tell...and I have tried to go to the news site that I heard it on and I cant find the story to copy...it is just for the schools that are "in trouble"...so if your child is failing at a school that is not on probation in the state...well goody for you. You can be a drug addicted, no good loser and your kid can fall through the cracks. But be an excellent parent with a kid who refuses to comply and your kid happens to go to a school that is in trouble with the state then you are dragged in to some compulsory workshop because the school isnt meeting their standards! Never mind you may already be meeting with everyone under the sun twenty times a year.

    Katmom would be a perfect example for this.

    Not only is she a teacher but a parent. I bet she will have more info on it too working in SC. Here she had two kids who excelled and one she couldnt beg, motivate or bribe to comply.
     
  11. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I think it's just another example of how govt is trying to creep it's way into our private lives. And I don't like it one bit. :nonono:
     
  12. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Loth,

    At my PTA parent conference night last month, I sat in my classroom from 4 - 8 p.m. waiting to meet parents (this was unpaid time, by the way). I teach almost 150 students and only 2 parents came by to talk to me.

    I don't think legislating parent involvement will work but something needs to be done. The very involved parents on this board are not typical of what I see on an every day basis.

    There is a lot of parent apathy out there when it comes to their children's education.

    ~Kathy
     
  13. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Kathy813</div><div class="ubbcode-body">There is a lot of parent apathy out there when it comes to their children's education.</div></div>

    Unfortunately, I have to agree with you Kathy. I went to an informational meeting about class placement this morning and only two other parents were there. The principal even commented that she hoped working parents would take better advantage of this evening's meeting because those students with involved parents tend to be more successful in school.
     
  14. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Where I live, the judge who handles juvenile cases basically orders parenting classes to the parents of all children who pass through his court room more than a time or two. husband and I were some of these parents. For us, it was the biggest waste of time. I tried to go into it with an open mind, because as someone else has said here, there are always things we can learn. The reality of it though was that the techniques taught in this class were ones geared towards "typical" kids who are acting out of their own accord and not because of the results/symptoms of any diagnosis's. The instructor would call on husband or I and would always be flabbergasted and frustrated with us when we would say "Yeah that's a good theory but it won't work and this is why". She just kept telling us that we weren't doing it right or we weren't consistant enough. If we would say that that punishment wouldn't work because our son doesn't care, her response would be that we have to MAKE him care. Huh???? Yeah, THAT'S going to happen. Don't get me wrong, this lady was very sincere and had been doing this for a long time. She just didn't have a clue. It's like she thought that this stuff should work on every kid because it was basic respect and common sense. Finally someone pulled her aside (the classes were held at a place that difficult child receieve other service and the people there knew the situation and history) and filled her in on our specific situation. She never really called on us again.

    With that said though, there WERE parents there who were interested and did benefit from the techniques. But there were also parents there who did nothing but doodle on their paper or whisper to each other during the entire class. They were only there because they were ordered to or because it would make them look better because they could say that they took this class to learn how to be a better parent, although they didn't change any of their parenting views.

    While I agree that there are always parents who will benefit from these types of things......you can't just make everyone do this and expect it to work. There are too many factors involved in the different kids and families. And for the government to step in and say that all failing kids WILL fit into this square hole and that will fix it all is asinine. I hope someone with some sense in SC will speak up and inform these legislators that they are clueless.
     
  15. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    They should have classes for the teachers on differentiating instruction. The learning styles of each kid is different. The teachers teach one way, and that's it. What needs to happen is certain kids need different things- There is a checklist of a few hundred different things teachers can try (general) to help a kid. In general, they teach to the middle majority of the class, leaving the few lost kids -lost and struggling. There are sooooooo many ways to address these kids' needs without having them be lost. I took a fabulous workshop on this subject, all of us Sp. Ed. teachers took this, we left saying to one another that mainstream teachers need to see this. These kids can be successful, and I think it's the teachers responsibility. There are excellent ways without pointing to the parents. Conferences and workshops for the parents seems pointless- unless it was completely individualized for each student,and the childs teacher was in attendance as well.-Alyssa
     
  16. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I wonder how much of the parent apathy is because of economic realities. Seriously, how many of us are living from paycheck to paycheck - barely making it.

    I show up at all the conferences & meetings; if I cannot make it I set up a phone conference. However, our school district is full of parents working 2 & 3 jobs to make ends meet. They are exhausted when all is said & done. A PTA meeting or conference just isn't in the schedule because there is no time.

    Just wanted to add in a different point of view.
     
  17. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Linda,

    I'm sure that is the case for some parents but it really doesn't explain what happened in my situation. My school is in a very high socio-economic group and we held the parent conferences at night to make sure parents would be able to come talk with the teachers without missing work.

    I do think technology plays a part, though. With today's instant communication, parents feel more in touch without having to meet with the teachers. I know that I send electronic progress reports every Friday so parents always know how their child is doing. It is probably because of the area where I teach but I would say all but about 3 out of my approximately 150 students have parents with access to email. So most parents keep in touch with me that way.

    Still, I think it is important to meet with your child's teachers.

    ~Kathy
     
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