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Trying to stay on the detachment track, advice?
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<blockquote data-quote="hearthope" data-source="post: 85178" data-attributes="member: 2389"><p>Looking for some advice on staying detached.</p><p></p><p>As most of you know my surgery made difficult child have to totally fend for himself in jail.</p><p></p><p>I did make a call for him to see what needed to be done to obtain a public defender.</p><p></p><p>The defender's office has mailed two letters over the past three weeks that my son had yet to get so I went to the office yesterday and hand delivered the mail to the jail.</p><p></p><p>I have visited each sunday since I have recovered enough to do so. I also keep money on his books.</p><p></p><p>I told him yesterday that I would get the block off the phone so he could call home.</p><p></p><p>I know how easy it is for me to jump right in the middle of things dealing with him and I am trying to keep strong and stay out of it.</p><p></p><p>I heard the discouragement in his voice this past sunday and it made me want to 'help'. He has been there since august 8 and has no contact with an attorney. We both agree that this has been a blessing, that without being in jail he would not have changed.</p><p></p><p>Hopefully, getting the letter from the attorney and seeing that someone is working to get him a hearing will give him more hope for the future.</p><p></p><p>Am I doing the right things? Remember, It took years for me to detach and I have struggled with wondering if I am falling back into it or if I am keeping a healthy distance?</p><p></p><p>My shop has been closed for a mth now, that is the # he could call to talk to me. My mom has been getting his calls since I have been home and they went out of town without his knowledge and he called all weekend thinking something was wrong with one of my parents or me because he couldn't reach them, that is my reason for removing the block on my home phone. He only calls once or twice a week at the most.</p><p></p><p>Advice?</p><p></p><p></p><p>Traci</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearthope, post: 85178, member: 2389"] Looking for some advice on staying detached. As most of you know my surgery made difficult child have to totally fend for himself in jail. I did make a call for him to see what needed to be done to obtain a public defender. The defender's office has mailed two letters over the past three weeks that my son had yet to get so I went to the office yesterday and hand delivered the mail to the jail. I have visited each sunday since I have recovered enough to do so. I also keep money on his books. I told him yesterday that I would get the block off the phone so he could call home. I know how easy it is for me to jump right in the middle of things dealing with him and I am trying to keep strong and stay out of it. I heard the discouragement in his voice this past sunday and it made me want to 'help'. He has been there since august 8 and has no contact with an attorney. We both agree that this has been a blessing, that without being in jail he would not have changed. Hopefully, getting the letter from the attorney and seeing that someone is working to get him a hearing will give him more hope for the future. Am I doing the right things? Remember, It took years for me to detach and I have struggled with wondering if I am falling back into it or if I am keeping a healthy distance? My shop has been closed for a mth now, that is the # he could call to talk to me. My mom has been getting his calls since I have been home and they went out of town without his knowledge and he called all weekend thinking something was wrong with one of my parents or me because he couldn't reach them, that is my reason for removing the block on my home phone. He only calls once or twice a week at the most. Advice? Traci [/QUOTE]
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Trying to stay on the detachment track, advice?
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