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Trying to stay on the detachment track, advice?
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<blockquote data-quote="Sunlight" data-source="post: 85197" data-attributes="member: 97"><p>your son is only 18 and I am sure this is scarey but I have to say to you: let this lesson be hard. sigh. ant was in jail at 18 and I am sure I babied him a bit by letting him call all he wanted, calling the guard to ask them to watch over him, and visiting weekly. I also sent him money on account, and books to read. </p><p></p><p>looking back.....it was wrong. he is 24 and has been in jail most of the time since he was 18!!</p><p></p><p>the first jailing he was terrified. mostly the food was bad, it stunk, the men are noisy as a zoo. they do make life miserable and lonely. they do not need money on account. the inmates use that to buy extra food goodies and toiletries. sometimes they barter that stuff with one another. </p><p></p><p>the hearings are usually set pretty quickly. he had his first hearing to determine if they could hold him in jail til his jury hearing. then the jury hearing could be delayed for months as they are so backed up. you could possibly call the clerk of courts and ask when his hearing is scheduled. </p><p></p><p>I dont know the right thing I only know that all the times ant was in jail I stood by him. partly because I told him if he would turn himself in I would be there for him til he got out. this time, ant caused himself more misery by drinking and driving again. I am not willing to baby him at all. I want him to hate this so bad that he stops his course of action. I want him to miss Kaleb and I so much, so deeply that he vows that his ways will change. </p><p></p><p>they all are sorry while in jail, they all say they will change. sadly they can get used to jail. someone hands you food, clothes, and there are older men there who make a life of it and dont care. </p><p></p><p>If your son hates jail at 18 maybe it can change his life. sigh. </p><p></p><p>ant is terrified again now and cannot sleep. he is afraid of the state pen. it will be a new incarceration experience for him. different than the county jails he knew. he is sentenced to one to two yrs. I hope he is safe. I also hope he hates it so much that when he gets out at age 26 or 27, it is the end of that lifestyle for him. </p><p></p><p>I will write to ant, accept only one call per week possibly, and may not visit much at all. hard, but something has gotta give as the way we did this last time did not sink in.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sunlight, post: 85197, member: 97"] your son is only 18 and I am sure this is scarey but I have to say to you: let this lesson be hard. sigh. ant was in jail at 18 and I am sure I babied him a bit by letting him call all he wanted, calling the guard to ask them to watch over him, and visiting weekly. I also sent him money on account, and books to read. looking back.....it was wrong. he is 24 and has been in jail most of the time since he was 18!! the first jailing he was terrified. mostly the food was bad, it stunk, the men are noisy as a zoo. they do make life miserable and lonely. they do not need money on account. the inmates use that to buy extra food goodies and toiletries. sometimes they barter that stuff with one another. the hearings are usually set pretty quickly. he had his first hearing to determine if they could hold him in jail til his jury hearing. then the jury hearing could be delayed for months as they are so backed up. you could possibly call the clerk of courts and ask when his hearing is scheduled. I dont know the right thing I only know that all the times ant was in jail I stood by him. partly because I told him if he would turn himself in I would be there for him til he got out. this time, ant caused himself more misery by drinking and driving again. I am not willing to baby him at all. I want him to hate this so bad that he stops his course of action. I want him to miss Kaleb and I so much, so deeply that he vows that his ways will change. they all are sorry while in jail, they all say they will change. sadly they can get used to jail. someone hands you food, clothes, and there are older men there who make a life of it and dont care. If your son hates jail at 18 maybe it can change his life. sigh. ant is terrified again now and cannot sleep. he is afraid of the state pen. it will be a new incarceration experience for him. different than the county jails he knew. he is sentenced to one to two yrs. I hope he is safe. I also hope he hates it so much that when he gets out at age 26 or 27, it is the end of that lifestyle for him. I will write to ant, accept only one call per week possibly, and may not visit much at all. hard, but something has gotta give as the way we did this last time did not sink in. [/QUOTE]
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Trying to stay on the detachment track, advice?
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