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Parent Emeritus
Trying to stay on the detachment track, advice?
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<blockquote data-quote="ScentofCedar" data-source="post: 85414" data-attributes="member: 3353"><p><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: hearthope</div><div class="ubbcode-body"></p><p></p><p>Maybe that is what I am having the issue with now, before when he was using and running, it was easy to stand for what was right and detach but now that he is changing I feel like I have to keep my word and be there for him</p><p></p><p></p><p>What is the happy medium between the two????</p><p></p><p>Traci </div></div></p><p></p><p>I don't think there is a happy medium, Traci. We helped every single time until we understood that we were helping by not responding.</p><p></p><p>Your son is only eighteen or nineteen.</p><p></p><p>I think you are doing the right and human thing. </p><p></p><p>Try to think what your boundaries are, and what your involvement should be, before you talk to him.</p><p></p><p>That way, you won't react out of pain.</p><p></p><p>Even if your son begins walking a straighter path from this experience, the cause of celebration will not be that he made it through, but that he creates a successful life despite these mistakes he has made.</p><p></p><p>Trust him until he gives you reason not to.</p><p></p><p>This is all so unbelievably hard.</p><p></p><p>When we literally did not know how to respond, we tried to imagine how we would feel about what we had done (or not done) three or four years down the line.</p><p></p><p>It's a balancing act between learning when we are helping from a sense of guilt or pity and when we are choosing not to help from a position of well thought out strength.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ScentofCedar, post: 85414, member: 3353"] <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: hearthope</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> Maybe that is what I am having the issue with now, before when he was using and running, it was easy to stand for what was right and detach but now that he is changing I feel like I have to keep my word and be there for him What is the happy medium between the two???? Traci </div></div> I don't think there is a happy medium, Traci. We helped every single time until we understood that we were helping by not responding. Your son is only eighteen or nineteen. I think you are doing the right and human thing. Try to think what your boundaries are, and what your involvement should be, before you talk to him. That way, you won't react out of pain. Even if your son begins walking a straighter path from this experience, the cause of celebration will not be that he made it through, but that he creates a successful life despite these mistakes he has made. Trust him until he gives you reason not to. This is all so unbelievably hard. When we literally did not know how to respond, we tried to imagine how we would feel about what we had done (or not done) three or four years down the line. It's a balancing act between learning when we are helping from a sense of guilt or pity and when we are choosing not to help from a position of well thought out strength. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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Trying to stay on the detachment track, advice?
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