trying to stay strong!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mog, Aug 28, 2009.

  1. mog

    mog Member

    Well it has been a rough week. difficult child said that husband gave him permission to go to an underage club for Friday that opens at 8pm and closes at 1 am -difficult child court ordered curfew is 7 pm. husband says he had not even talked to difficult child but difficult child says he has had this plans for two weeks. husband and I are not doing so well and in our MST contract we have a "agree to disagree" clause that everything has to go threw me, so even if husband had given him permission(which he did not) it would not count. Sooo Friday comes around and difficult child doesn't blow up and just says that they had to change there plans because his friend had him wisdom teeth removed and cant go. At the time I didn't think nothing of it since difficult child didn't cause a problem except that he refused to turn in his cell phone (easy child doesn't have to so why do I) is his arguement . Sat. morning husband takes of with my brother and friend that is visiting from out of town. difficult child did not know because he was still asleep. He gets up and ready to take off. I'm in my bedroom and hear (unapproved music) and walk into the living room and difficult child has his ipod earphones so loud i could hear them from the other room. (And they all wonder why they can't hear) I ask him to turn it down and he asks why and i said because I can hear it from the other room and he looks at me and says "AND" so he starts to walk off and I go back to my room to get in the shower. I get out and he is gone. Garage door wide open -front door open and glass door unlocked ( and I am home alone)Several hours go by and around six I think maybe I will take difficult child to the movie since it was just the two of us and we are trying to help him adjust to being the only child at home without bending the rules. I text him and ask if he is almost on his way home and he says in 15 minutes -OK. I start looking up what movie to watch whenhe gets home and I ask him to unload the dishwasher and he says no. I turn and look at him and he says ok in a while and i say well you need to get moving. (I don't tell him what I have planned anymore because then he wants to bargain if he doesnt think the chore is worth the reward.) I sit on the opposite side of the couch and say "you aren't even giving this new plan a chance--he goes off on a wild tantrum hitting himslef in the chest and cursing -I try to not engage and after a little bit he stops but he is still in a foul mood so I decide to take a time out alone. I put the remote to the tv next to him walk into my room get my purse, lock the bedroom door and leave not saying a word to him. got there late so had to wait to watch the next movie. At 9:54 I get a test from him telling me that he is going to bed and goodnight. I text back did you take your medications --NO answer. I get home and he is gone. I text and call several times but he will not respond. Finally just before 2 am he texts and says he is staying where he is since...
    and I text back since what and NO answer. I waited up until 6;56 and text him again that I waited all night no answer. I had already called the mst and the JPO (because difficult child said that the jpo knows where he is and has permission. Sunday JPO and MST are talking to me , difficult child and the parents that took him in. JPO tells them that he is going to let him to stay and see him on monday at school to bring him home. we wait all day and evening -finally decide that jpo must have given them another night. Tuesday JPO is at the school with difficult child when I call difficult child's case manager to see if he went to school. JPO comes here after meeting with difficult child at school. difficult child told him that husband and I were fighting and he moved out but will be taking him to move back to his home town because we are getting divorced. husband and I laughed and my sister in law was here and her comment was well if they are they sure have been good about keeping the secret. (Nothing is secret in MY family) JPO calls difficult child and tells him he has to ride the bus and come home. MY sister in law, difficult child and I go over to "their" house to pick up difficult child's belongings and they open the door for us and walk to the bedrooms. WE were there for a while and NO ONE came out to talk to us after being "all high and mighty" to come pick up his belongings. That discussion WILL still be had with them. Anyway difficult child is still up to his old tricks-his bike only works going downhill. His knee always hurts when he has to ride his bike to school for missing the bus BUT I AM TRYING HARD NOT TO GIVE IN. he missed the bus today and I made him take his bike -he was late but I didn't give in. He called for me to pick him up after he rides around town to visit and I said not come home and half way up the hill he calls to say he is hurting , tired and his backpack is too heavy so I go to pick him up. He promised 3 times that he would unload and reload the dishwasher today. He went to bed and didn't do it. I didn't do it either I am Going to make him keep his promise. He has to become a man and I am not always going to be here to be his safety net on which he depends SO much. Wish my luck and pray that I can "stay out of it to let him be a man" :whiteflag:
    P.S. --easy child is struggling with the heat down there where she is going to college but having the time of her life. (Not all of which she will share with me):confused:Since we had such a good relationship
  2. maril

    maril New Member

    You sure have had quite a week. I do wish you continued strength in enforcing limits for your son. It is a challenge when you are in the middle of a difficult time.

    You had mentioned that in your MST contract everything has to go through you; do you feel you are getting support from the JPO, case manager, etc., with that? I hope I am not misunderstanding your post. It sounds as though your son might manipulate (as does mine). Hopefully, all those in your support system will back you up when it comes to having your son be accountable.

    Good luck. I hope this week will go better. :praying:
    Last edited: Aug 28, 2009