Tuesday was a horrible day, not difficult child related

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by AK0603, Mar 7, 2007.

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  1. AK0603

    AK0603 New Member

    I know this isn't about difficult child but my life, and I just needed to talk. Most of my posts do speak of the relationship of my husband and myself, our difficult child was his step son and we have 2 children together and I have another son with my ex husband the same as my difficult child. difficult child is living with his dad :frown:

    Well my husband is an acoholic, and I found out he's been stealing my Rx'd drugs, Ambien, and Xanax. Then I found out he got his own Rx for Xanax but has been taking WAY over the Rx'd dose. He's became mean and scary, so I went to family court yesterday and filed for custody of our 2 kids and restraining order. I offered to let him see the 2 girls with supervision of his mother 2 times a week until the court date but the judge said NOPE, he is a drug seeker/finder, and severe alcohol, ordered and evaluation. (not sure how that works) and he has no contact with me or the kids until the 20th (our date in court) He had to come get some clothes before I came home and leave, so I haven't seen or heard from him.

    My daughter #1 is scared, misses her daddy. And this is difficult, I have to say it felt wonderful to have a complete stranger agree with how I was feeling! Not just a family member or a friend, but someone who doesn't even know me, and they said Hey this is not okay, it's not okay for your kids and he is sick and needs help. I felt validated in a way.

    Anyways, I have to try and find a lawyer with this project that offers law assistance for low income people (no income here)

    This breaks my heart, a partof me feels bad for him too, that is the controlled insecure part I guess, Iknow he's crying for his little girl (although he has 2, he only seems to love the older one or something) anyways. I had to vent and let my feelings out this AM after crying all night. :frown: Another pea on my plate please.
     
  2. Loris

    Loris New Member

    You do have a lot on your plate. I'm so sorry you had to take those steps, but it needed to be done. You have to keep your children safe and if he was becoming mean it sounds as if that could have escalated. I'm sure this wasn't easy, but I'm glad you found someone who understood and wants to help. I hope things get better soon.
     
  3. kris

    kris New Member

    well i'm glad you got the restraining order & that the judge stopped visitation.

    don't worry your head about how/when he gets the evaluation. that's his problem.....not yours. if he doesn't comply then he won't get to see his kids & that would be a choice he's making.

    please don't fall into the trap of feeling sorry for him. HE is making the choice to drink & drug. you can't control that. only he can.

    i'm so glad the judge validated your concerns....so often they don't. hope you can find a decent lawyer to handle your case. that's going to be important.

    kris
     
  4. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    Amy,

    My heart goes out to you and your children... I know this probably doesn't help, BUT, I also think you are doing the right thing!!! The children have to come first!!! :warrior:!!!

    Years ago, I had to end a relationship because my SO was an alcoholic and drug user. I KNOW how scary it can be living with one!!! I was fortunate because I was alot younger at the time and didn't have any children. I was able to pack up my car, throw my mattress on the roof, and drive away...

    I know my situation was alot easier than yours... I'm so sorry you're in this position!!! Please lean on family and/or a close friend or two... Take whatever help they offer. You need to take care of yourself :bath:, :smile:, etc...

    Sending lots of cyber hugs... :flower: WFEN
     
  5. AK0603

    AK0603 New Member

    Thanks everyone! I knew I'd find kind words and support here. This AM I'm waiting for that legal place to call back, and I'm going to call a few other lawyers just to get retainer fees written down so if I don't get legal help I can try and come up with some money. My parent's sent me $200 so I have that for starter for things we need.

    Funny thing happened I forgot to type, I kept saying to myself, SELF you have to do this for your difficult child, you have to do it for your difficult child. And I prayed for God to show me a sign, something that meant I was doing the right thing, because at that point I really just thought about walking out and tearing the papers up and going home and acting like nothing ever happened like I usually do. Well when I got to the judges room where you wait to be called, the officer that brings each person back, on his DESK was an origami calendar, you make a different origami shape each day with the directions and paper it gives, it comes in a cute green box. MY SON loves origami and got that as a gift for Xmas from my parents, I've never seen anyone else that had it BUT HIM. So I think that was my sign for sure.
     
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Amy,
    I know what you did wasn't easy but it was the right thing to do. Hugs and prayers.
     
  7. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Amy,
    I have been there done that with a spouse with an addiction problem. It is not easy. I remember an earlier post where you talked about money being missing---and I almost said somehting then. It was my first clue when husband escalated his drug use---and I was too stupid to see it until it was almost too late. You did the right thing. Maybe he can get some help for himself. It is his responsibility not yours to get the help he needs. All you can do is protect yourself and your chilren. If you need someone to talk to or ask questions about dealing with this pm me anytime.
     
  8. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    My gosh you poor thing how much more do you have to handle??? You need a padded room to go in and scream!!! Let it out... you do have a lot on your plate. I hope you have someone you can lean on, in person. It is hard being alone, I am alone a lot of the time and it is trying.
    Use all of your resources right now you need to lighten your load, and remember we are here.
    {{{{Hugs}}}}
     
  9. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Amy, you did the right thing. It's not only the right thing for you, it's right for him. If you hadn't, you would have been enabling him, problems would have escalated and who knows what would have happened?

    He can still fix this. He can do something positive. If he's been taking your prescription medications and making YOU run out sooner (and have to go back for more) this could make YOU look like the drug abuser to your doctor and get YOU in trouble. His failure to consider this shows that he has gone so far down this road that he is no longer considering the damage he's doing to others. If he's rationalising to that extent you would have been in serious trouble if you had not taken action.

    I mentioned a few weeks ago how I found some empty pill packets (strong opiates) which had only been issued the day before, from a pharmacy right next to the bin where I found the packets. They had been dropped down the side of the bin and fallen through onto the ground - I picked them up to throw them in the rubbish when I recognised the drug, and the bad implications of such a recent script being already empty.

    From what I've been able to work out - the person the drugs were prescribed for gave/sold them to someone else, who probably ground them up, cooked them and injected them up their arm. The black market in strong drugs can also help fuel a bad drug habit or a gambling habit. And it happens.

    At least in our case I was able to pass the emptied packets back to the prescribing pharmacy, who then contacted the doctor. The pharmacy will probably also contact our government body who, if the doctor doesn't do things right, will investigate the doctor for possible overprescribing. If he knowingly prescribed such huge quantities of opiates to a drug user, he could lose his licence.

    I was shocked and horrified - but the cold reality is, we're surrounded by this sort of behaviour. And when it's in your own home, you MUST keep yourself and your children safe. He won't change until he's forced to.

    Marg
     
  10. Liahona

    Liahona Active Member

    Marg is right. He won't change unless he is forced to. My ex has an enabling family. He will never hit rock bottom. He will never change because he will always be able to blame someone else. Don't feel sorry for him. Its so much easier to raise kids (especially difficult children) by yourself than with someone your scared of.

    Hats off to that judge for realizing what was going on and thinking of your kids before your husband's rights. I wish I had a judge like that.
     
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